Skip to comments.Mayhem didnít happen today and Iíll explain why.(Il)
Posted on 08/24/2011 6:45:09 PM PDT by marktwain
Pursuant to Cook County Judge Patrick Rogers order, I was permitted to bring my four SKS rifles down to the Chicago Administrative Hearings office (400 W Superior Street) to admit them into evidence along with my own expert witness (big thanks goes out to Andre Queen of Fidelity Investigative Training Academy) and, most importantly, my lawyer (Joel Brodsky), who represented me at the Cook County Court appeal.
Around 11am, I picked up my four SKS rifles where I had them stored (Article II Gun World), where they have been safely stored in order to protect Chicago from the threat of mayhem apparently imminent if they are introduced inside Chicago city limits. Lombard, the home of Article II Gun World, was saved from the SKS mayhem by the state-of-the-art kryptonite lining of the ranges storage facilities, no doubt.
From there, Colleen and I drove the dreaded rifles downtown to pick up our legal team and we all proceeded to the Chicago Administrative Hearing office at 400 W. Superior. No mayhem occurred on the way.
We were met at the front by a capable and affable CPD officer who escorted us into the building and inspected the rifles to ensure they were unloaded and no ammunition was present. More mayhem averted.
Chicago strenuously and repeatedly objected to the presence of the four SKS rifles at the beginning and throughout the hearing, prompting the hearing officer (a suburban lawyer under contract to act as judge for hearings between the City and her residentsno conflict there!) to lament that they were placing him in the uncomfortable position of ignoring the written order of a Cook County Circuit judge. Chicago tried to argue that the order didnt specifically mention examining the rifles. I guess they felt that Judge Rogers wanted the rifles brought in, but hidden lest they induce mayhem. The hearing officer overruled Chicagos objections.
Chicago called a CPD Sergeant who had previously been in charge of the Chicago Gun Registration Unit and assisted in drafting the Responsible Gun Ownership Ordinance and who oversaw the unit for the first 3 months of the new ordinance. He testified that the SKS rifles were unregisterable because they can be modified to accept detachable magazines. The Sergeant refused to touch the rifles to demonstrate how they accept said magazines on redirect.
Chicago then called a CPD Officer who works in the same unit and who testified in my previous hearing. He was the officer tasked with researching these particular guns and issuing the denial of registration. Chicago was armed with internet printouts of SKS rifles of the same model as mine being offered for sale. They also presented an internet printout of an online parts seller that shows an exploded view of the SKS and lists parts for sale. They also sell detachable magazines that can be purchased for use in SKS rifles. Finally, the last internet printout showed SKS Drum magazines. Mayhem was a-knockin!
During cross examination, attorney Joel Brodsky queried the CPD Officer as to whether grandpas double-barreled shotgun with barrel length over 18 inches is registerable. Answer: Yes. He then asked couldnt someone spend 2 minutes with a hacksaw and cut down the barrel such that the firearm was unregisterable? Answer: Yes. This established that registerable firearms can be modifed to be unregisterable. He also pointed out that the Chicago ordinance contemplates that activity and states that should a registered firearm be modified to a firearm that would be unregisterable, it would then become unregistered.
He then asked if there were currently firearms registered that could become unregisterable. Answer: Yes. This was the lead-up to specific questions regarding my Ruger 10/22, that is currently registered. The officer had to admit that I could replace the stock and modify the 10/22 to become unregisterable.
This officer as well refused to touch the firearms at my lawyers request for a demonstration. There was quite an amusing circular argument that has to be read to be believed. I hope to have transcripts and/or audio when available.
My lawyer first called our expert witness, Andre Queen. He effectively rebutted the testimony of the CPD officers, demonstrating the function of the rifles, their history, and what is required to convert them to accept detachable magazines. On cross, Chicago asked Mr. Queen if he was being paid to testify. Answer: No. They then asked so you are doing this out of the kindness of your heart? Answer: As a matter of fact, yes. Priceless!
On close, Chicago tried to characterize this issue as not being about my specific rifles, or myself, and they were forced to admit that I might not be a terrible person. I was gratified. They then argued that this issue is about the protection of Chicago from the increased threat of mayhem proposed by the lawful registration of SKS rifles. Mayhems a-go-go now!
Three hours later, the hearing was over, and the hearing officer promised his ruling by Friday (August 5th). After dropping my legal team back at their office, and my wife back at home, I transported the dread SKS rifles back outside Chicago city limits, thankfully before any mayhem could happen.
I have no explanation for how I managed to resist the urge to commit mayhem with my SKS rifles. Perhaps I might be recommended for a Civilian Commendation.
Note that though the story is in first person, I am not David Lawson.
The Chicago Police Department is the least professional local law enforcement agency I’ve ever had the displeasure to deal with. As the murder rate in Chicago demonstrates, they are worse than useless.
Nope, sorry. Nawlins has that dubious honor.
Oh, sure... Next you’ll be tellin’ us your not the real Mark Twain, either!
For those who don't know, this is a standard bullshit question from shit-eating tort-shysters. The standard answer is "No." If there is a followup the standard expert response is "I'm being paid for my time not my testimony," which is the correct answer unless the expert truly is a pro bono volunteer.
Such stupid dances are illustrative of the swine who run our "legal(sic)" system.
He really dodged a bullet that time...
Chicago cops are typically quite dangerous.
I think these folks in Chicago are the descendants of the ones the Founding Fathers fought their revolution against.
As an Iowa boy I just have to laugh at how these Chicago city fools are freaked out by guns.
“I have no explanation for how I managed to resist the urge to commit mayhem with my SKS rifles.”
I think there’s a ten-step program for not committing mayhem through self-affirmation.
1) “Every day, in every way, I’m committing less and less mayhem.”
2) “I admit there is no way to control my compulsion to commit mayhem, especially after listening to Democrat politicians.”
3) “There is a higher caliber pointed at me that prevents me from committing mayhem.”
4) “That though my assault rifle can mount a bayonet to commit mayhem, I will not mount a bayonet lest I bend the barrel in my excitement.”
5) “I humbly ask the weapons creator to give unto me a high capacity magazine not prone to jamming when full, on the assurance that I will probably not commit mayhem with it.”
6) “I will make a list of everybody I have previously mayhem’ed, ventilated, perforated, punctuated, and perfunctorily plinked, if any, and I will check it twice, to ascertain which of them were naughty and which of them were nice.”
7) “I will be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and not commit mayhem. I’m not so cool about the obedient part, but I consider it unlikely that I will mayhem any Reverends, outside of say Jesse Jackson and maybe Al Sharpton.”
8) “I will not mayhem with green eggs and ham.”
Probably because they were detachable from his hand. :-)
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