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You Might Be A Paultard If....
The Force | 12/26/11 | Alan Levy

Posted on 12/26/2011 8:04:16 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama

(With all due apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

.....You've memorized Ron Paul's economic platform, but your supervisor doesn't think you're ready to man the shake machine yet.

.....You fail a remedial history class at the local vo-tech when every one of your answers on the final exam is "Ron Paul".

.....Your mother calls down to your basement "apartment" to tell you that dinner is ready and you scream back, "I'll eat when I'm ready, you Zionist pig! What's the matter, don't you believe in freedom ?"

.....You think bong water is an acceptable alternative to aftershave.

.....You like to tell people that you're the product of Screwy Lewy Rockwell and Cindy Sheehan's trysts.

.....Your every sentence begins with "Only Ron Paul...." and "Ron Paul is the only....."

.....Code Pinko kicks you out of a rally for being a wuss.

.....You throw darts at a picture of Abraham Lincoln.

.....Your head spins around and you spit pea soup when you're within five feet of a synagogue.

.....You know what Ron Paul's first words were, but you can't remember where you left that last hit of heroin.

.....You're dumb enough to call Mark Levin's show and start a sentence with "Only Ron Paul..." and "Ron Paul is the only...." (Yes, this rates two mentions! It's as annoying as it is intellectualy lazy!)

.....You think burqas are "VA-VA-VOOM!"


TOPICS: Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: apaulogia; apaulogists; larouchies; paulbots; paulestinians; paultardation; paultards; ronpaul; ronpaulsucks
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1 posted on 12/26/2011 8:04:19 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama
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To: Absolutely Nobama

You might be a paultard if you’re over 22 and haven’t known RP was an idiot for at least the past four years.


2 posted on 12/26/2011 8:08:08 PM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: Absolutely Nobama

...if you go to Starbucks and don’t stand out in any way, shape or manner from the Obama bots.


3 posted on 12/26/2011 8:10:33 PM PST by C. Edmund Wright
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To: Absolutely Nobama
You forgot only referring to him as "Dr. Paul". Always a dead giveaway.


4 posted on 12/26/2011 8:11:20 PM PST by Old Sarge (RIP FReeper Skyraider (1930-2011) - You Are Missed)
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To: LucyT; MestaMachine; dixiechick2000; shibumi; Vanders9; RonBush; Eleutheria5; little jeremiah; ...

If you can’t laugh at Cut and Run Paul and his Merry Band of Stoner Cultists, who can you laugh at ?

Ping!


5 posted on 12/26/2011 8:12:39 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: Old Sarge; AdmSmith; AnonymousConservative; Berosus; bigheadfred; Bockscar; ColdOne; ...

LOL!


6 posted on 12/26/2011 8:12:39 PM PST by SunkenCiv (Merry Christmas, Happy New Year! May 2013 be even Happier!)
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To: Larry Lucido

Love it!


7 posted on 12/26/2011 8:14:34 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: C. Edmund Wright

That is most definitely true.

If it walks like a duck.....


8 posted on 12/26/2011 8:17:17 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: Absolutely Nobama

If you take your auto to the mechanic and start your description of the problem with “...the Federal Reserve....”


9 posted on 12/26/2011 8:17:31 PM PST by C. Edmund Wright
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To: Absolutely Nobama
>>"Ron Paul is the only...."

One of the biggest cliches in most elections is when the candidate (I know Romney has used it) starts to say, "I'm the only candidate in this race who..." (pick your choice: balanced eight budgets, ran a business, took the no-tax pledge, will have a fully transparent administration, etc.)

10 posted on 12/26/2011 8:17:43 PM PST by raccoonradio
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To: Absolutely Nobama

I do NOT like Paul, but throwing darts at a pic of Lincoln sounds fun actually....


11 posted on 12/26/2011 8:20:16 PM PST by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis (Chag Chanukkah Sameach!)
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To: Absolutely Nobama

...if dressing up means putting on your least repugnant tee shirt....


12 posted on 12/26/2011 8:21:30 PM PST by C. Edmund Wright
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To: Old Sarge

“You forgot only referring to him as ‘Dr. Paul’. Always a dead giveaway.”

Hey, that’s right! Good shot, Sarge!

I know he’s an actual MD (who thinks that AIDS/HIV was cooked up in some government lab in Area 51, FYI), but there’s something creepy about calling him “Dr. Paul”. I dunno why that is, but it just is. I can’t explain it.


13 posted on 12/26/2011 8:22:23 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: Absolutely Nobama
You might be a RINOtard if you back Romney or Gingrich.
At least Ron Paul qualified for the Virginia republican primary.
14 posted on 12/26/2011 8:22:44 PM PST by pterional
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To: C. Edmund Wright

Hey, that ain’t bad either!


15 posted on 12/26/2011 8:24:11 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: Absolutely Nobama
there’s something creepy about calling him “Dr. Paul”.

Like Dr. Mengele.

16 posted on 12/26/2011 8:24:31 PM PST by Old Sarge (RIP FReeper Skyraider (1930-2011) - You Are Missed)
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To: Absolutely Nobama

.....Your copy of the Constitution has the Fourteenth Amendment snipped out of it.


17 posted on 12/26/2011 8:26:02 PM PST by EternalVigilance (With God Obama can't hurt us. Without God, George Washington couldn't save us.)
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To: raccoonradio

I can’t stand it when ANY of them say it, to be honest. But when a Paultard says it.....like Wolverine’s claws on Glenn Beck’s chalkboard.....


18 posted on 12/26/2011 8:26:15 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: pterional

...or you make childish arguments like that one.....


19 posted on 12/26/2011 8:27:09 PM PST by C. Edmund Wright
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To: C. Edmund Wright
if dressing up means putting on your least repugnant tee shirt


20 posted on 12/26/2011 8:28:55 PM PST by Old Sarge (RIP FReeper Skyraider (1930-2011) - You Are Missed)
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To: Absolutely Nobama

OK, what is it really?

Ronulan, Paultard or Paulistinian?...


21 posted on 12/26/2011 8:29:18 PM PST by null and void (Day 1069 of America's ObamaVacation from reality [Heroes aren't made, Frank, they're cornered...])
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To: Absolutely Nobama

.....You think the Tenth Amendment lets States alienate the unalienable right to life if they want.


22 posted on 12/26/2011 8:29:29 PM PST by EternalVigilance (With God Obama can't hurt us. Without God, George Washington couldn't save us.)
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To: Absolutely Nobama

..You’ve sprayed vinegar into the sky to combat chemtrails..
(not a joke.)
http://www.countercontempt.com/archives/2578


23 posted on 12/26/2011 8:29:35 PM PST by mnehring
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To: Absolutely Nobama


24 posted on 12/26/2011 8:30:58 PM PST by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis (Chag Chanukkah Sameach!)
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To: Absolutely Nobama

You Might Be A Paultard If....
you believe that ron paul has told the truth more than three times since 1988...and don’t sincerely question THOSE.


25 posted on 12/26/2011 8:31:06 PM PST by MestaMachine (obama kills)
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To: DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis

I hear you. And on some levels, you’re 1000% correct. The difference is you’re a FReeper and a Conservative. You use your head for more than a hat rack. You have well thought out reasons (suspension of Habeas Corpus, etc.) for your opinion while the Paultard only dislikes Lincoln because Screwy Lewy Rockwell and Thomas DiLorenzo says so.


26 posted on 12/26/2011 8:31:28 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: C. Edmund Wright

...Lister throws on his least smeggy outfit, the t-shirt with only two curry stains on it...


27 posted on 12/26/2011 8:32:18 PM PST by null and void (Day 1069 of America's ObamaVacation from reality [Heroes aren't made, Frank, they're cornered...])
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To: null and void

Paulistinian is making a strong late bid....


28 posted on 12/26/2011 8:32:39 PM PST by C. Edmund Wright
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To: Absolutely Nobama
True. And I just was reading a book on war crimes committed by Federal troops against southern civilians, many of which Lincoln knew about and approved of, condoned, or ignored. It goes without saying that I am in a particularly disagreeable mood towards Lincoln right now....
29 posted on 12/26/2011 8:35:04 PM PST by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis (Chag Chanukkah Sameach!)
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To: Old Sarge
I HATE Ron Paul with a glowing red passion. AND SO DO YOU!!! THAT'S AN ORDER!!
30 posted on 12/26/2011 8:35:10 PM PST by DManA ( ex)
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To: C. Edmund Wright

You’re not wrong on this, either.

I hate to use anecdotal stories on threads, but I once had the misfortune of standing next to a Paultard at a Tea Party rally who was wearing a Paulie shirt from the first doomed run in ‘88. It looked like it hadn’t been washed since ‘88. Add that to the humidity of South Florida and....well, I’m sure you get the idea. (Bleeeecccccch!)


31 posted on 12/26/2011 8:37:30 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: DManA

BAHAHAAA!! Stolen! Thank you!


32 posted on 12/26/2011 8:45:30 PM PST by Old Sarge (RIP FReeper Skyraider (1930-2011) - You Are Missed)
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To: pterional; Old Sarge

Did I hurt your feelings ? Did I fail to show Herr Doktor the proper respect ?

Too bad. Last time I checked, FR is a CONSERVATIVE site. Herr Doktor is not a Conservative, therefore, he gets mocked. Not a hard concept, really.


33 posted on 12/26/2011 8:47:00 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: Absolutely Nobama

You call RPaul “Dr. Paul” with a tremor of reverence in your voice.

You KNOW that RPaul is the ONLY one who can Save Our Nation.

You know and (repeatedly state) that anyone who criticizes RPaul is a warmongering neocon Nanny Stater.

Every sentence you utter about RPaul has the word “Constitution” in it.

You know for a fact that every single other candidate or potential candidate or possible candidate is a member of the CFR and the Trilateral Commisson and a Zionist.

You are personally in favor of all drugs being legalized although you swear up and down that you do not, personally, partake.

When questioned about RPaul’s stand on allowing homos in the military, you shriek at the questioner: “WHAT!?!? Are you afraid of FREEDOM!??!?!?”

You know for a fact that RPaul never wrote, never read and never knew what was in his newsletters. Never ever ever! It’s a total shock and surprise to him to now find out, after all these decades, what he actually signed his name to! And that’s fine with you! Shows how “honest” RPaul is!!

(BTW I know all of the above from being on the receiving end of Ronulan droolings and outbursts.)


34 posted on 12/26/2011 8:49:21 PM PST by little jeremiah (We will have to go through hell to get out of hell.)
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To: All

Totally unrelated, but Saints QB Drew Brees has just broken Dan Marino’s single season passing yardage record.

Unlike RuPaul, Drew Brees has accomplished something.....


35 posted on 12/26/2011 8:49:58 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: EternalVigilance

The ‘Tards hate that one, don’t they ?


36 posted on 12/26/2011 8:51:38 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: Old Sarge

I’m just saying. You are letting Paul turn you guys into raving lunatics. I’m not a Paulbot. But I’m not a Paulnot. Save it for the enemy.


37 posted on 12/26/2011 8:56:23 PM PST by DManA ( ex)
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To: Absolutely Nobama

When you’re in a hurry and you get a red light, you suddenly declare that red lights are ‘unconstitutional’.

When you get jipped by a vending machine, you complain to everyone around you that the vending machine has violated your constitutional rights.

When you belive that selling heroin to children is one’s constitutional right.

When you declare that the root cause of every hostile act by any nation throughout history can be traced back to American foreign policy and/or the existance of Israel.


38 posted on 12/26/2011 8:57:09 PM PST by death2tyrants
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To: null and void

I dunno. I created my own, “the RuPaulista SS”, but it never caught on. (Which is a good thing, because it’s a pain to type.)

I use Paulbot if I’m posting to someone on FR. If I go to a forum I don’t respect like the Daily Paul or Pat Buchanan’s forum on Human Events, I go with Paultard, Paulistinian, Islamic apologist, traitor, etc.


39 posted on 12/26/2011 8:57:30 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: pterional

—”You might be a RINOtard if you back Romney or Gingrich.
At least Ron Paul qualified for the Virginia republican primary.”—

Yes, he was grandfathered in, remember? That’s what happens when you’ve been a professional Presidential candidate for 32 years.


40 posted on 12/26/2011 8:57:30 PM PST by TitansAFC (Mitt Romney gets less bang for the buck than John-Freaking-Huntsman.)
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To: EternalVigilance

I just lllllllooooooooooooooove being lectured by some snot nosed college brat who’s never had a job in his life..... /sarc.

Good one!

+1


41 posted on 12/26/2011 9:01:41 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: EternalVigilance

I just lllllllooooooooooooooove being lectured by some snot nosed college brat who’s never had a job in his life..... /sarc.

Good one!

+1


42 posted on 12/26/2011 9:02:00 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: mnehring

Favorited......

“Wow,” said Alan as he shook his head in utter disbelief.


43 posted on 12/26/2011 9:06:17 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: Absolutely Nobama

It is not be surprising if college grads who cannot get a job in this economy lose patience with politics as usual.


44 posted on 12/26/2011 9:06:36 PM PST by mas cerveza por favor
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To: MestaMachine

:)


45 posted on 12/26/2011 9:08:35 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: Absolutely Nobama

Seriously, I’m not a fan of the “tard” thing, or “he’s crazy” or any of that.

No. The threat he poses is coldly calculated, very real, and very sobering. Ron Paul’s godless, immoral libertarian ideology is destructive of the core natural law moral principles upon which this free republic, and our claim to liberty, are premised.

He clouds people’s minds about the difference between true liberty and moral license. He makes people think there is a “right” to do wrong, when none of the founders of this country would have made any such silly, dangerous claims.

He truly is a revolutionary, in the same sense Obama is a revolutionary. They both deny the self-evident truths of the founding. The kool-aid might be a different flavor, but the cyanide will kill you just the same.


46 posted on 12/26/2011 9:14:35 PM PST by EternalVigilance (With God Obama can't hurt us. Without God, George Washington couldn't save us.)
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To: Absolutely Nobama

Am i the only one who wonders why the man has only 1 1/2 eyebrows? When i first noticed, i thought maybe he just slipped with the razor or something. And that 1/2 eyebrow is about to fall off any minute now...


47 posted on 12/26/2011 9:16:32 PM PST by Nita Nupress
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To: little jeremiah

On the money, LJ!

You know what ? I don’t care what they claim to think anymore. I’m finished being patient with them. They can take their Fuhrer and emigrate back to Iran for all I care.


48 posted on 12/26/2011 9:16:36 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (NO COMPROMISE! NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! I AM A CONSERVATIVE! CASE CLOSED!)
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To: Absolutely Nobama
Yeah. I tried branding Obama's National Civilian Community Corps (as well funded and equipped as the US military).

National Civilian Community Corps?

The NatCCC, or more simply, the NatCs? Never caught on. *sigh*

49 posted on 12/26/2011 9:17:26 PM PST by null and void (Day 1069 of America's ObamaVacation from reality [Heroes aren't made, Frank, they're cornered...])
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To: Absolutely Nobama

Ron Paul is not a statist, A RINO or a socialist. He is a constitutionalists that could potential change the status quo in Washington. As a conservative I support his views.


50 posted on 12/26/2011 9:17:29 PM PST by pterional
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