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Take my wife, please...I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps on finding her way back.
Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Because they don't have to live with other women.
You look great...what'd you do, go on a diet?
Yup...lost 150lbs..I got a divorce.
Q: Why are Jewish divorces so expensive?
A: They're worth it!
I've been in love with the same woman for 50 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.