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Police Report Blames Zimmerman
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 May 2012 | John Semmens

Posted on 05/20/2012 2:11:33 PM PDT by John Semmens

A new report from the Sanford, Florida Police Department holds George Zimmerman totally responsible for the incident that resulted in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin last February. Evidence that Martin had severely beaten Zimmerman before he was shot was discounted by the report.

“The fact is, if Zimmerman had stayed home that day the confrontation would never have occurred,” the report said. “The black eyes, broken nose, and lacerated scalp he suffered would not have happened if he hadn’t ventured out into the streets and exposed himself to risk.”

That Zimmerman had taken on this risk willingly by volunteering for the neighborhood watch patrol was seen as further evidence for his culpability. “Zimmerman was aware that there had been crimes committed in the area,” the report continued. “Yet, he chose to leave the relative safety of his home in a misguided vigilante effort. He compounded his error, turning what probably would have been a routine episode of assault-and-battery into a homicide by bringing a gun along with him.”

Special Prosecutor Angela Corey promised that she will “prosecute Mr. Zimmerman to the fullest extent that I can. We need to send the message that patrolling the streets is a job best left to the police. The decision on when to use deadly force is something that must be confined to trained professionals. Citizens concerned about crime should move to safer neighborhoods and only leave their homes when absolutely necessary.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2012/05/18/obama-gains-key-reelection-endorsements/


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Government; Politics; Society
KEYWORDS: blogpimp; craptire; crime; georgezimmerman; notworthreading; racism; satire; stupid; trayvon; trayvonmartin; violence; wasteoftime; zimmerman

1 posted on 05/20/2012 2:11:35 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

This reads like something from the Onion.


2 posted on 05/20/2012 2:13:39 PM PDT by South40
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To: John Semmens

If we all became thugs and criminals then there would be no risk.


3 posted on 05/20/2012 2:17:27 PM PDT by Berlin_Freeper
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To: South40

I say it this way..

If Travon had not left for skittles and a coke this would not have happened.


4 posted on 05/20/2012 2:19:47 PM PDT by cableguymn
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To: South40

It’s a leek.


5 posted on 05/20/2012 2:20:06 PM PDT by HiTech RedNeck (Mitt! You're going to have to try harder than that to be "severely conservative" my friend.)
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To: John Semmens

Another head shakin’ chuckle John. :)


6 posted on 05/20/2012 2:22:42 PM PDT by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will, they ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: John Semmens

lol, Glad I took a second look at the post header. :)


7 posted on 05/20/2012 2:25:01 PM PDT by RowdyFFC
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To: John Semmens

You quote these people almost word for word and then call it satire.

These are rich times to be a satirist, when all you have to do is turn on your tape recorder and start writing.


8 posted on 05/20/2012 2:25:37 PM PDT by marron
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To: RowdyFFC; John Semmens

Yep. Me too. He got me.


9 posted on 05/20/2012 2:29:58 PM PDT by sauropod (You can elect your very own tyranny - Mark Levin)
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To: John Semmens

Since when are Police Reports based on supposition?


10 posted on 05/20/2012 2:39:14 PM PDT by philetus (Keep doing what you always do and you'll eventually get what you deserve)
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To: philetus

nailed me.LOL


11 posted on 05/20/2012 2:41:06 PM PDT by philetus (Keep doing what you always do and you'll eventually get what you deserve)
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To: John Semmens
Reads like something out of George Orwell's 1984.

The idea of Neighborhood Watch is something the police have encouraged. I have one of these stickers on my camera I received from one if our local police:


12 posted on 05/20/2012 2:52:55 PM PDT by jonrick46 (Countdown to 11-06-2012)
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To: cableguymn

If blacks had not been victimizing the neighborhood with home burglary after home burglary this would not have happened.


13 posted on 05/20/2012 2:56:56 PM PDT by South40
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To: John Semmens

Well, you really had me going there....
I think this is your best yet.
Well done!


14 posted on 05/20/2012 3:03:07 PM PDT by TheConservativeParty ("War." Andrew Breitbart)
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To: cableguymn

We are in liberal fantasy land of hearsay and cop says and what not.

What do we know? Since the 911 phone call, Zimmerman could have been attacked. Or favored boy Trayvon could have provoked some more.

What is this with Zimmerman provoking anything? I don’t get it.


15 posted on 05/20/2012 3:03:07 PM PDT by JudgemAll (Democrats Fed. job-security Whorocracy & hate:hypocrites must be gay like us or be tested/crucified)
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To: John Semmens
Darn it, John, you did it again!

I read all the way to the end, and didn't find any satire! I think your word processor is giving you trouble... it's leaving off the final part of the story, where the part that's made up comes in.

(Great one, John!)

16 posted on 05/20/2012 3:04:30 PM PDT by dayglored (Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!)
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To: John Semmens
LOL, Zimmerman should have done a better job when he wrote that police report.
17 posted on 05/20/2012 3:17:19 PM PDT by Navy Patriot (Join the Democrats, it's not Fascism when WE do it and the law is what WE say it is.)
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To: South40
“The fact is, if Zimmerman had stayed home that day the confrontation would never have occurred,” the report said. “The black eyes, broken nose, and lacerated scalp he suffered would not have happened if he hadn’t ventured out into the streets and exposed himself to risk.”

This is the most ridiculous piece of drivel I've ever heard uttered by a so called law enforcement official. By this logic we are all responsible for criminals praying on us by simply leaving our houses to go about our lawful business. Neighborhood watch programs have been promoted by police departments as a means of reducing crime since I can remember. Any sane evaluation of this case would conclude that good old Travon could have avoided being shot simply by not trying to beat Mr Zimmerman's head into a bloody pulp to begin with.

18 posted on 05/20/2012 3:21:16 PM PDT by Desron13
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To: Desron13
Doh! Sucked in again! The problem is that it's getting harder and harder to tell the satire from actual libtard behavior.
19 posted on 05/20/2012 3:24:25 PM PDT by Desron13
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Keep FR Running
Let's get to Yellow!

20 posted on 05/20/2012 5:30:27 PM PDT by RedMDer (https://support.woundedwarriorproject.org/default.aspx?tsid=93)
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To: Desron13
Police Report Blames Zimmerman Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 May 2012 | John Semmens

Gotta look for that.. should help prevent future embarrassing moments.
21 posted on 05/20/2012 8:53:44 PM PDT by cableguymn
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To: John Semmens

I had to look back to understand it...but we hear such ridiculous reasoning on a lot of things and one never knows if its true or not..


22 posted on 05/20/2012 9:23:37 PM PDT by cherry
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To: John Semmens

[[“The black eyes, broken nose, and lacerated scalp he suffered would not have happened if he hadn’t ventured out into the streets and exposed himself to risk.”]]

You’ve got to be friggin kiddi9ng me? So now george zimemrman is guilty for ‘being white and defending himself while outside his own home’? Apaprently white folks aren’t allowed outside their own homes now because it might ‘expose us to risks’ which might mean we would ghave to defend ourselves?

I Really Really hope george’s lawyer is as smart as they say her is and that he can show the world what a bunch of racist lying pieces of crap thsoe cops are on the stand-


23 posted on 05/23/2012 9:49:07 AM PDT by CottShop (Scientific belief does not constitute scientific evidence, nor does it convey scientific knowledge)
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