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Veep Urges End to Traditional Farming
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 June 2012 | John Semmens

Posted on 06/09/2012 1:12:34 AM PDT by John Semmens

Vice-President Joe Biden told the graduating seniors of Cypress Bay High School (Fla.) that “it’s long past the time when Americans should be shifting away from traditional farming as a means of supplying food.”

“Let’s face it, farming is unnatural,” Biden pointed out. “Using sharp tools to cut into the earth, planting seeds in neat rows for efficient reaping (also done with sharp tools, I might add), piping in water from far away—these are all artificial methods that rape the land.”

Biden argued that “in a more primitive era such methods may have been unavoidable. But do we really need them today? Why can’t everyone just get their food from the supermarket? Jill and I have been doing that for as long as I can remember. Most of the stuff comes in boxes and cans. It’s all very clean. You don’t have to poke tools into the soil stirring up dust and polluting the air. If we can only convince more people to follow our example the environmental degradation being caused by farmers could be greatly reduced.”

The vice-president also hailed the doubling of the amount the government has spent on food stamps since 2008 as “further proof that there are other ways to feed our population without destroying the land.”

In support of Biden’s vision, the Environmental Protection Agency is deploying aerial drones to fly over agricultural areas “to gather evidence on those raping the land with these primitive farming techniques.” EPA Administrator Lisa Jackson declined to specify whether this evidence would be used to support prosecution of violators or whether the President would use it to select targets for drone-launched missile strikes. “I believe the President will choose the most appropriate enforcement mechanism on a case-by-case basis,” Jackson said.

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2012/06/09/president-says-private-sector-is-doing-fine/


TOPICS: Food; Government; Politics; Weather
KEYWORDS: agriculture; biden; environment; satire
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1 posted on 06/09/2012 1:12:56 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 06/09/2012 1:14:59 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Oh Geez John...THAT’s Biden! Good one.


3 posted on 06/09/2012 1:15:59 AM PDT by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will, they ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: John Semmens

Dang! Simi almost got me again. When the truth and satire meld so well ya gotta wonder.


4 posted on 06/09/2012 1:16:49 AM PDT by fella ("As it was before Noah, so shall it be again.")
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To: John Semmens

You’ll get plenty of hate for this one.


5 posted on 06/09/2012 1:21:37 AM PDT by wastedyears ("God? I didn't know he was signed onto the system.")
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To: John Semmens

Unbelievable!

But I could almost believe it if attributed to Biden!

Blessings, Bobo


6 posted on 06/09/2012 1:32:17 AM PDT by bobo1
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To: John Semmens
I am speechless.
7 posted on 06/09/2012 1:51:35 AM PDT by exnavy (May the Lord bless and keep our troops.)
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To: John Semmens

The second in command, FRIGHTENING!


8 posted on 06/09/2012 2:10:56 AM PDT by ronnie raygun (B B)
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To: bobo1
He does believe you can grow plants without soil, water, or nutrients.

He has already experimented to prove they can be grown without fertilizer. He just talks to them 5 minutes a day.

9 posted on 06/09/2012 2:14:44 AM PDT by Oztrich Boy (Gott mit Mitt, Mitt mit uns)
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To: John Semmens

Three paragraphs before I looked at the source! You got me again! Arrrrrrrggggghhhh!


10 posted on 06/09/2012 2:47:25 AM PDT by afraidfortherepublic
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To: John Semmens

How the hell did these people ever get into positions of power ? what an IDIOT !


11 posted on 06/09/2012 2:48:27 AM PDT by ATOMIC_PUNK (Any man may make a mistake ; none but a fool will persist in it . { Latin proverb })
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To: John Semmens

Ha, ha! Got me John. I can imagine Biden saying these things though.

It got me thinking, why should I even have to work any longer? I can just go to the bank to get money.


12 posted on 06/09/2012 3:03:08 AM PDT by snippy_about_it (Looking for our Sam Adams)
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To: ATOMIC_PUNK

Well Alice I’ve been had again BANG ZOOM !


13 posted on 06/09/2012 3:03:44 AM PDT by ATOMIC_PUNK (Any man may make a mistake ; none but a fool will persist in it . { Latin proverb })
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To: Oztrich Boy

He grew his hair plugs in a petri dish.


14 posted on 06/09/2012 3:16:31 AM PDT by miss marmelstein
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To: John Semmens
The VP is insane.
"Farming is unnatural".
He's also a liberal.
But I repeat myself...
15 posted on 06/09/2012 3:57:25 AM PDT by Jerrybob (Truth -- the new hate speech.)
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To: John Semmens

Actually, I thought Biden would be greatly in favor of traditional farming without use of job-killing technology such as tractors and other mechanical devices. Think how many people would be employed! But for those evil tractors, we’d have full employment now!


16 posted on 06/09/2012 4:03:15 AM PDT by DrC
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To: John Semmens

“...these are all artificial methods that rape the land.”

Since time immemorial men have farmed to “be close to the land”. Indeed, during the 60’s hippies young and old rejected industrialized jobs for “being close to the land”. And now we learn that farming is rape. I wonder what Evil end is served by calling farming ‘rape’. Guess we’ll find out...


17 posted on 06/09/2012 4:06:21 AM PDT by TalBlack ( Evil doesn't have a day job.)
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To: John Semmens

“...these are all artificial methods that rape the land.”

Since time immemorial men have farmed to “be close to the land”. Indeed, during the 60’s hippies young and old rejected industrialized jobs for “being close to the land”. And now we learn that farming is rape. I wonder what Evil end is served by calling farming ‘rape’. Guess we’ll find out...

Ah Satire. News, Satire guess it’s all the same...lately...


18 posted on 06/09/2012 4:08:05 AM PDT by TalBlack ( Evil doesn't have a day job.)
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To: John Semmens; fella; wastedyears; bobo1; exnavy; ATOMIC_PUNK; miss marmelstein
The non-satire version: Biden: 'Imagine a World in Which Hunger Is Vanquished by Crops That Don’t Depend on Soil, Water or Fertilizer'

I have seen flowers grow without soil, without fertilizer, but never without water.

19 posted on 06/09/2012 4:30:38 AM PDT by ding_dong_daddy_from_dumas (Fool me once, shame on you -- twice, shame on me -- 100 times, it's U. S. immigration policy.)
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To: John Semmens

Thanks John - takes me back to when Dims were asked to sign, and did sign, a petition against Di-Hydrogen Mon-Oxide because of its pervasive nature...


20 posted on 06/09/2012 4:45:31 AM PDT by trebb ("If a man will not work, he should not eat" From 2 Thes 3)
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To: John Semmens
Biden argued that “in a more primitive era such methods may have been unavoidable. But do we really need them today? Why can’t everyone just get their food from the supermarket? Jill and I have been doing that for as long as I can remember. Most of the stuff comes in boxes and cans. It’s all very clean. You don’t have to poke tools into the soil stirring up dust and polluting the air.

***

Yes, that would be Biden’s logic. We don't have to farm; we just need to go shopping. LOL.

Thanks, John, for the ping.

21 posted on 06/09/2012 4:55:13 AM PDT by fatnotlazy
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To: John Semmens

It’s sad when a lifetime moron contracts a mental disease and goes insane.


22 posted on 06/09/2012 5:03:50 AM PDT by RoadTest (There is one god, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.)
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To: John Semmens

This is too good...hard to tell what is true and what is satire...with Biden it is all satire everytime he opens his mouth...what an ignorant POS...


23 posted on 06/09/2012 5:24:02 AM PDT by GGpaX4DumpedTea (I am a Tea Party descendant...steeped in the Constitutional Republic given to us by the Founders.)
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To: John Semmens

John, you get me every time! :-)

I didn’t catch on ( and check the source) until the line, “Using sharp tools to cut into the earth, planting seeds in neat rows for efficient reaping (also done with sharp tools, I might add)..”

Very good! Sitting here laughing and laughing.


24 posted on 06/09/2012 5:28:37 AM PDT by wintertime (Reforming a government K-12 school is like reforming an abortion mill.)
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To: John Semmens

From the same guy who has rows of “natural” hairplugs.


25 posted on 06/09/2012 5:36:38 AM PDT by SERKIT ("Blazing Saddles" explains it all.......)
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To: John Semmens

From the same guy who has rows of “natural” hairplugs.


26 posted on 06/09/2012 5:37:03 AM PDT by SERKIT ("Blazing Saddles" explains it all.......)
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To: John Semmens
Just how does Biden expect food to be produced? This "raping"of the land has been the means of feeding people for thousands of years. Does Biden expect us to go back in human development and just be gathers of natural foods that grow wild? Is Biden smoking crack?

I expect soon that those EPA drones may become targets for armed farmers and ranchers.

27 posted on 06/09/2012 5:48:24 AM PDT by The Great RJ
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To: John Semmens

Funny stuff!

Please add me to your ping list.


28 posted on 06/09/2012 6:18:07 AM PDT by Rides_A_Red_Horse
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To: John Semmens

I think we should grow our frozen vegetables in Antarctica. We could save a lot of money on refrigeration that way.


29 posted on 06/09/2012 6:21:47 AM PDT by smokingfrog ( sleep with one eye open (<o> ---)
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To: John Semmens

Didn’t catch me. Made it two sentences through and I double-checked the byline.


30 posted on 06/09/2012 6:33:54 AM PDT by Tanniker Smith (Rome didn't fall in a day, either.)
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To: John Semmens

Like others have said, the sad part is I can see Biden saying something that stupid so I had to check the source before I bought it.

I think the adminitstration trys to keep tight control of what Biden says but occasionally he catches his keepers off guard and says something monumentally stupid.


31 posted on 06/09/2012 6:50:33 AM PDT by MtBaldy (If Obama is the answer, it must have been a really stupid question)
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To: John Semmens
More stealfromus spending on box and can factories.

We have to feed all the presidents peeps ya know.

32 posted on 06/09/2012 7:33:30 AM PDT by rawcatslyentist ("Behold, I am against you, O arrogant one," Jeremiah 50:31)
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To: John Semmens

Joe Biden has in reality said things that are even less intelligent than that. I wonder who he plagiarized that from? ;)


33 posted on 06/09/2012 8:09:26 AM PDT by ReformationFan
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To: John Semmens

good one John... LOL


34 posted on 06/09/2012 8:42:30 AM PDT by markman46 (engage brain before using keyboard!!!)
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To: John Semmens

Knocked another one out of the park, John!

Lisa Jackson? Anyone else besides me beginning to wonder about people named “Jackson”? My apologizes to anyone here sporting that name, but the list is worrisome: Lisa Jackson; Jesse Jackson; lame rocker Joe Jackson; weirdo Michael Jackson and clan; not-our-best-Pres Andrew Jackson; Sheila Jackson Lee; even the mighty, but mighty weird, Stonewall Jackson (big fan, BTW, but Jeez!) - probably lots of others. I mean, you got your occasional Van “Jones” and your Shep “Smith” and all, but “Jackson” seems in a whole ‘nother category. Who in the world was Jack? I obviously don’t know Jack.


35 posted on 06/09/2012 9:16:57 AM PDT by dagogo redux (A whiff of primitive spirits in the air, harbingers of an impending descent into the feral.)
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To: John Semmens

OMG!! Got me again.

Wasn’t till i started to read the comments I caught on

You’re so bad!!


36 posted on 06/09/2012 9:26:22 AM PDT by KosmicKitty (WARNING: Hormonally crazed woman ahead!!)
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To: John Semmens
Wonderful piece of work, John.
To have neglected to give that story ‘special’ attention would have been a crime. :)
37 posted on 06/09/2012 10:57:06 AM PDT by moose07 (The truth will out, one day.)
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To: John Semmens

Just like it came out of BiteMe’s own feeble brain.
Well done, again!


38 posted on 06/09/2012 1:18:16 PM PDT by TheConservativeParty (My Governor's a JEDI, Wisconsin for the WIN!!!! June 5, 2012)
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To: John Semmens

Great one, John.


39 posted on 06/09/2012 1:29:39 PM PDT by Huntress ("Politicians exploit economic illiteracy." --Walter Williams)
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To: John Semmens
At least Joe's thinking, and Lord knows someone has to!
Maybe people should just gnaw on a rock every now and then.
.funny stuff- thanks!.

Thanks for the ping.
40 posted on 06/09/2012 5:29:56 PM PDT by novemberslady
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To: John Semmens
http://azconservative.org/2012/06/09/president-says-private-sector-is-doing-fine/ .................................................... FRegards

Well, I can't always get here in the afternoon, John ...

41 posted on 06/09/2012 8:33:25 PM PDT by gonzo ( Buy more ammo, dammit! You should already have the firearms ... FRegards)
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To: Oztrich Boy

maybe he spits when he talks,

Blessings, bobo


42 posted on 06/10/2012 9:25:20 AM PDT by bobo1
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To: ding_dong_daddy_from_dumas

Imagine a society where you do not need any brains.

Democrat utopia.

Blessings, Bobo


43 posted on 06/10/2012 9:35:35 AM PDT by bobo1
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To: John Semmens

Satire is pointless when it is indistinguishable from reality.


44 posted on 06/10/2012 9:39:39 AM PDT by ctdonath2 ($1 meals: http://abuckaplate.blogspot.com)
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To: John Semmens

Priceless .. asolutely priceless!!!


45 posted on 06/10/2012 9:42:04 AM PDT by EDINVA
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To: John Semmens

Ha!


46 posted on 06/10/2012 9:52:17 AM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: bobo1
Imagine a society where you do not need any brains.

Good point. It's not just Biden -- Obama and Bill Clinton have recently made clueless statements. A famous psychiatrist noted that Clinton's statement about how there was no immediate budget problem, sounded like what a psychotic patient might say.

47 posted on 06/10/2012 9:55:07 AM PDT by ding_dong_daddy_from_dumas (Fool me once, shame on you -- twice, shame on me -- 100 times, it's U. S. immigration policy.)
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To: John Semmens

Biden could have said this.


48 posted on 06/10/2012 10:02:46 AM PDT by HereInTheHeartland ("The writing is on the wall - Unions are screwed. reformist2 10:04 PM #27"\)
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To: John Semmens

“Using sharp tools to cut into the earth, planting seeds in neat rows for efficient reaping (also done with sharp tools, I might add), piping in water from far away—these are all artificial methods that rape the land.”

HAHAHAHA! Good one, John.

BTW, on earth day I was getting a bunch of pings from my liberal friends in Seattle about how they were celebrating. I finally pinged them all with my own comment: “It’s earth day. Celebrate by digging a hole to show her who’s boss!”

Lots of frowns over that one. ;-)


49 posted on 06/11/2012 6:21:16 AM PDT by cuban leaf (Were doomed! Details at eleven.)
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To: John Semmens

As usual, this makes me smile!


50 posted on 06/11/2012 10:46:39 AM PDT by Sunshine Sister
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