Skip to comments.The Wimp Factory: Dems mass-produce wussy nominees
Posted on 08/14/2012 8:29:27 PM PDT by Daniel Clark
The Wimp Factory: Dems mass-produce wussy nominees by Daniel Clark
For the second time in its mercifully soon-to-end existence, Newsweek has published a cover story suggesting that a presidential nominee should be concerned about The Wimp Factor. The first of these was a 1987 piece on George H.W. Bush. Perhaps in an effort to bring back its glory days, the publication has recently done a similar story on Bushs fellow Republican, Mitt Romney.
Its not that these men have never said or done anything wimpy. Bush the First had his kinder, gentler drivel, for example, and Romney pronounces entrepreneur too Frenchly. Those, however, are recessive wimpy traits, whereas the Democrats wimpiness tends to be their defining characteristic. If Newsweek had any semblance of objectivity, it would recognize that any list of the all-time wimpiest presidential candidates has got to start with the last seven nominees produced by that political wimp factory, the Democratic Party.
Jimmy Carter The bunny-paddler of Plains, Georgia poses as an international champion of human rights, but he has been a pushover for Communist goons all over the world, from Castro to Ceausescu to Kim Jong-Il. During a 1980 presidential debate, he revealed that hed sought the advice of his young daughter Amy about nuclear weapons, which goes a long way toward explaining the SALT II Treaty. After getting bullied by the Soviets for three years, he finally responded by depriving American athletes of a chance to compete in the 1980 Moscow Olympics, thus allowing the USSR to dominate the medal count. Guess that showed em.
Walter Mondale In a way, the poor guy never stood a chance. Its wimpy enough to be nicknamed Fritz, without having a voice like W.C. Fields might sound if he ever discovered he wasnt funny. During the 1984 primaries, the vice president wimpily adopted the slogan, Wheres the beef? Apparently, We aint fraida no Gary Hart didnt focus group as well. Mondale was applauded for selecting Geraldine Ferraro as his running mate, but this itself was done out of wimpiness, so that he could blame his inevitable defeat on the insulting belief that America wasnt ready for a female vice president.
Michael Dukakis If you thought this guy looked comical in a tank, just think how hard the Russians must have laughed. Many Democrats are soft on crime, but the man who freed Willie Horton went positively gooey over it. As governor of Massachusetts, he once declared Sacco and Vanzetti Memorial Day, in honor of the two Italian anarchists who had been executed 50 years earlier, and who, despite decades of protestations from socialist academics, were almost assuredly guilty. During one of the 1988 debates, CNN anchor Bernard Shaw asked Dukakis whether hed favor the death penalty if his wife Kitty were raped and murdered. Just about any other man would have given a response something like, Leave my wife out of this, Bernie, you oaf. Instead, the governor stunned the audience by dispassionately and ungallantly restating his opposition to capital punishment.
Bill Clinton The prototypical 90s Man rode the maudlin slogan I feel your pain to victory in 1992, while promoting his unelected wife as co-president. When he was 23, he penned a thoroughly dishonest, selfish and wimpy letter to his ROTC director, thanking him for saving me from the draft. The letter, which Clinton wrote while at Oxford, explained why he was weaseling out of his commitment to join the corps in exchange for his already granted deferment. In 1993, President Clintons craven decision to pull out of Somalia emboldened al-Qaeda by portraying America as a paper tiger. His having successfully defended us from a six-year-old Cuban boy did little to mitigate that. Furthermore, real men dont cheat at golf.
Al Gore When George W. Bush reacted incredulously to Gores withdrawal of his concession in the 2000 election, the vice president responded, You dont have to get snippy about it. That would be a wimpy retort, even coming from somebody without a lisp. His debate performances are remembered less for anything he said than for his emitting loud sighs whenever Bush was speaking. When forced to confront his own wimpiness, Gore decided to take man lessons from feminist author Naomi Wolf, who advised him to start wearing more earth tones in order to become an Alpha Male. It turns out clothes dont make the man after all.
John Kerry A textbook example of a kept man, Kerry has led a life of luxury without having to earn it. You might say hes been having the time of his wife. The Massachusetts senator, who has a long history of being friends with Americas enemies, did not eye Saddam Hussein with nearly as much suspicion as he once did a Philly cheesesteak. During the 2004 campaign, the cornerstone of his foreign policy was that the United States should not act militarily without the approval of France. In stump speeches, he promised to wage a more sensitive War on Terror. Perhaps hed have invited Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to lie down on a couch and talk about his childhood.
Barack Obama Anybody gone into Whole Foods lately and see what they charge for arugula? Yes, then-Senator Obama really said that to an Iowa audience in 2007, and no, he was not being sarcastic. Even Obamas worst enemies acknowledge that he has a good singing voice, but its hard not to notice his ability to hit certain high notes that one could not imagine emanating from any other president. During one of his famous snits, against the Cambridge police, Obamas demeanor called to mind the wimpy alien commander in Plan 9 From Outer Space: You see? Your stupid minds! Stewpid! Stewpid! In 2006, liberal columnist Maureen Dowd wrote about Obama that his ears stick out. These hurtful words prompted him to track her down in the audience after a press conference. I just want to put you on notice, he warned. I was teased relentlessly as a kid about my big ears. Not exactly Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall, is it?
These seven most recent Democrat presidential candidates have been the most embarrassing collection of wimps, weenies, wusses, sissies, pansies, drips, snivelers, girlie-men, mollycoddles and milksops thats been assembled since the cast of Thirtysomething. For their friends at Newsweek to instead associate their Republican enemies with The Wimp Factor is like the pot calling the kettledrum a kettle.
If youre still not convinced, just look at the drippy, freeloading character named Wimpy from the Popeye cartoons. Wimpys signature line is, Ill gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today, except that when Wimpys around, its never Tuesday. To which political party do you suppose Wimpy would belong?
-- Daniel Clark is a writer from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He is the author and editor of a web publication called The Shinbone: The Frontier of the Free Press, where he also publishes a seasonal sports digest as The College Football Czar.
I usually just go with "candy-asses."
When I hear the words “president” and “wimp” in the same sentence, the first image which comes to mind is Hussein’s limp-wristed baseball pitch.
GHWBush was a fighter pilot in WWII and wildcat oil man... but he’s a wimp.
... not Dukakis, the Greek in the tank who couldnt even feign emotion about the hypothetical of his wife getting murdered.
Mitt Romney saved an olympics, has saved companies and according to Obama, will boldly go out and kill wantonly former employee’s spouses.... yet the media calls him the wimp and not the guy in the Mom jeans who cant throw a baseball.
Hillary Clinton is twice the man Obama is.
Obama is a twisp.
Not in the dictionary yet.
A twisp is necessary for the proper application of the product but is discarded immediately after wards.
Hence, Obama as twisp.
Bill Clinton was offered Bin Laden by the Sudanese government but turned down the offer because he was afraid that we might not have a solid enough legal case against Bin Laden. For that fit of wimpiness, 3000 people died on 9/11.
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