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Defense Department Brushes Off Absentee Ballot Issue
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 Oct 2012 | John Semmens

Posted on 10/09/2012 11:56:18 AM PDT by John Semmens

Reports that a majority of the nation’s overseas soldiers and sailors won’t be able to cast votes in this election because the Department of Defense hasn’t made the effort to implement an effective absentee ballot process were brushed off by DOD brass.

Secretary Leon Panetta said he “regrets that some of our valiant warriors will be disenfranchised,” but attributed the problem to “the need to set priorities.”

“Among the lengthy enumeration of ‘things to do’ that are on my plate, ensuring that the troops get to vote is pretty far down the list,” Panetta said. “I have to meet with the President on a weekly basis to decide who we’ll be targeting for elimination. I have to argue with Secretary Napolitano over who gets first dibs on ammo. I have to ensure that our troops are trained to respect Muslim religious sensitivities. I have to work out our troop withdrawal schedule. So, you see I have more to do than I have time to do it in.”

Panetta argued that “losing the chance to vote is a sacrifice that I think most of our forces find more tolerable than losing an arm or leg to an IED. Realistically, the chance that anyone’s vote will be decisive is infinitesimal. So, I don’t think we should get bent out of shape over our inability to muster the resources needed to put a ballot in the hand of every deployed trooper.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2012/10/06/dems-scramble-to-explain-obama-debate-defeat/


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: bhodod; election; militaryvote; obama; satire; votes

1 posted on 10/09/2012 11:56:26 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

In Zero’s world, corpses’ votes are more valuable than those of corpsmen.


2 posted on 10/09/2012 11:59:49 AM PDT by rfp1234
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To: John Semmens
Secretary Leon Panetta said he “regrets that some of our valiant warriors will be disenfranchised,” but attributed the problem to “the need to set priorities.”

FU, Panetta! It's not like this election just suddenly happened. You've had four f-ing years to prepare.

This is disgraceful.

3 posted on 10/09/2012 12:02:20 PM PDT by SMM48
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To: John Semmens

Oh, would you please stop it!!

I fall for the semi-news/semi-satire thing every time!!

AAugh! Powned again.


4 posted on 10/09/2012 12:05:25 PM PDT by married21 (As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.)
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To: John Semmens

haha!!! this was a good one! almost believable...


5 posted on 10/09/2012 12:15:53 PM PDT by latina4dubya ( self-proclaimed tequila snob)
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To: John Semmens

So “Muslim religious sensitivities” are more important than the right to vote. From the same political party that always claim Republicans try to keep blacks from voting. Panetta should be in prison.


6 posted on 10/09/2012 12:16:02 PM PDT by ozzymandus
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To: John Semmens

Damn it! Will you please quit doing that to me. I read the article and I believed it until I started reading the replies.
I was going to post a reply to Obunghole, Panetta and the whole demonrat machine until some body noticed it was satire. Of course all satire is based in truth.


7 posted on 10/09/2012 12:23:23 PM PDT by 5th MEB (Progressives in the open; --- FIRE FOR EFFECT!!)
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To: John Semmens

It’s satire and it still makes me mad.


8 posted on 10/09/2012 12:25:05 PM PDT by Mike Darancette (Take two Aspirin and call me in November - Obama for Hindmost.)
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To: latina4dubya

The line - our valiant warriors will be disenfranchised,” but attributed the problem to “the need to set priorities.”

Sure did sound right down dem/lib alley to me. Had to look up again to see it was a spoof.


9 posted on 10/09/2012 12:25:29 PM PDT by X-spurt (It is truly time for ON YOUR FEET or on your knees)
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To: John Semmens

Would be the other way around if 66% of military wanted his sorry a$$ re-elected.


10 posted on 10/09/2012 12:26:53 PM PDT by DonkeyBonker (Oppose Senate Amendment S.A. 2575! I need more than 10 rounds in my magazine.)
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To: John Semmens

Please, please - we’re dealing with the most ignorant and felonistic (is that a word?) set of slimeballs in the history of the multiverse.

Satire no longer can be recognized as satire.

It’ll work better after CW-II.


11 posted on 10/09/2012 12:27:42 PM PDT by Da Coyote
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To: John Semmens

Imagine what the forum would look like if every FReeper that has a blog posted it here.
12 posted on 10/09/2012 12:27:50 PM PDT by upchuck (I miss my dog Snoopy. May 16, 1997-September 24, 2012 -- 15 years, 4 months. Forever in my heart.)
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To: John Semmens

This is a load of BS coming out of the mouth of the Secretary of Defence.Delivering ballots to and from these individual areas of the world is not that defficult with the cargo planes that exist in the U.S. inventory.

How much space would be displaced on a cargo plane by a bag of absentee ballots?I’m sure it’s very little.

So what excuse does he really have in violating our troops right to vote.I bet he’d be falling all over himself trying to get your average dirtbag out in the street to vote illegally though.


13 posted on 10/09/2012 12:29:21 PM PDT by puppypusher (The World is going to the dogs.)
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To: John Semmens

Sorry for the Previous post but I didn’t notice this was a satirical article.


14 posted on 10/09/2012 12:31:47 PM PDT by puppypusher (The World is going to the dogs.)
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To: puppypusher

heh-heh I usually look to see if it’s one of Johns before I get red around the ears but this one caught me off-guard as well. Which is sorta funny in a sick way.


15 posted on 10/09/2012 12:38:03 PM PDT by BipolarBob (G Orwell was an optimist it seems.)
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To: John Semmens
I love these Semi-News/Semi-Satire articles, thank you.
They hit so close to the truth it's hard to tell sometimes. Scary.

16 posted on 10/09/2012 12:44:15 PM PDT by BitWielder1 (Corporate Profits are better than Government Waste)
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To: John Semmens
Realistically, the chance that anyone’s vote will be decisive is infinitesimal.

How asinine. By that reasoning nobody's vote is important. When 65% of the military vote would be for Romney, and that vote collectively numbers in many tens of thousands, such vote could well be decisive in a close election.

17 posted on 10/09/2012 12:44:34 PM PDT by luvbach1 (Stop the destruction in 2012 or continue the decline)
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To: luvbach1

Whoops. Satire. Hmmmm.


18 posted on 10/09/2012 12:45:58 PM PDT by luvbach1 (Stop the destruction in 2012 or continue the decline)
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To: John Semmens

“the need to set priorities”

ie get obama re-elected


19 posted on 10/09/2012 12:46:43 PM PDT by dirtymac (Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country. Really NOW!!!!)
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To: rfp1234

Secretary Leon Panetta said he “regrets that some of our valiant warriors will be disenfranchised,” but attributed the problem to “the need to set priorities.”

Disenfranchising minorities w/o ID = wrong!

Disenfranchising military due to incompetence = a-ok!


20 posted on 10/09/2012 12:48:24 PM PDT by ObozoMustGo2012
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To: John Semmens

Hire the CEO of NIKE “Just do It”


21 posted on 10/09/2012 12:50:31 PM PDT by Moonbug
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To: John Semmens

Another good one John. Leftists, and their excuses rather than reasons. Something to do with voids in the mass, or is that mess within their craniums.

You have the Leftist mind, such as it is pegged, and it’s always a head shakin’ chuckle to read your accurate take of their perspectives.


22 posted on 10/09/2012 12:56:04 PM PDT by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will, they ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: John Semmens

Dangit, John!


23 posted on 10/09/2012 1:04:19 PM PDT by Uncle Miltie (You didn't build that. The private sector is doing fine. We tried our plan and it worked.)
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To: Da Coyote; John Semmens

I so agree with you and have let my thoughts be known on the matter, garnering personal attacks in the process (not from the author, he posts nothing but links to his blog. I thought blog pimping was frowned upon here...?)

There is a time and place for vanity fiction that is light on actual satire. This isn’t it. I’m here for the fast breaking news that I want to share quickly. I don’t have time to be snookered by this guy.
If you want good satire, read David Burge (Iowahawk).


24 posted on 10/09/2012 1:42:50 PM PDT by UltraV ("Well you've got to hand it to Mitt Romney, because President Obama sure did." Seth Myers, SNL)
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To: John Semmens

The Pentagon’s Prefumed Princes strike again ...


25 posted on 10/09/2012 2:04:57 PM PDT by PIF (They came for me and mine ... now it is your turn ...)
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To: PIF

Perfumed


26 posted on 10/09/2012 2:05:37 PM PDT by PIF (They came for me and mine ... now it is your turn ...)
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To: John Semmens

I need two new buttons on my keyboard:

A “WTF?” button and a “Oh, wait, it’s a Semmens’ so-close-to-the-truth-satire” button!


27 posted on 10/09/2012 2:14:28 PM PDT by dynachrome ("Our forefathers didn't bury their guns. They buried those that tried to take them.")
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To: John Semmens

LOL...got me with this one, I had to look up to see what reporter had the ba!!s to write something like this.


28 posted on 10/09/2012 4:59:09 PM PDT by Irish Eyes
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