Gloria Allred: ... and you post on Free Republic?
Lazamataz: I do.
Gloria Allred: And would it be fair to say that you post the phrase "I'd hit it" from time to time.
Lazamataz: That would be a fair characterization.
Gloria Allred: .... and you have posted it to pictures of Helen Thomas?
Lazamataz: I have.
Gloria Allred: KNOWING that Helen Thomas is 178 years of age....
Lazamataz: She's my fantasy.
Gloria Allred: I see. What else would you 'hit'? (Allred wrinkles her nose)
Lazamataz: Barney the Dinosaur, the Frito Bandito, anyone Swedish, including the little jelly Swedish Fish candies...
Gloria Allred: We get the picture. Would it be fair to say you would hit anything even slightly concave?
Lazamataz: I'd hit a concave lens.
Gloria Allred: Yet you will NOT hit my client.
Lazamataz: No ma'am.
Gloria Allred: And why not?
Lazamataz: Too repulsive. Lesbian. Wants to vote for Obama.
Dunham: (sobbing audibly)
Lazamataz: Isn't that discrimination????!?
Gloria Allred: Why yes, ma'am, I guess it is.
Observers in court: (begin to murmer)
Gloria Allred: So YOU, by your OWN ADMISSION, *ADMIT* you are WITHHOLDING YOUR HIT, against the LAWS of the United States, and in full contravention of all that is right and holy!!!
Observers in court: (begin murmuring loudly) (occasional phrases of "That's wrong," and "Guilty" can be heard)
Judge: (banging gavel) Order! This court will come to order!
Lazamataz: Ma'am, I'm sorry. It may be wrong -- even illegal -- to withhold a Laz hit, but...I cannot bring myself to do it....
Observers in court (erupt with angry cries) "KILL HIM!" "LOCK HIM UP!" "WHAT A CREEP!"
Judge: (banging gavel harder) Baliff! Escort these witnesses out! I WILL HAVE ORDER!!!!
(Roll credits, cue Perry Mason music)