Liberal Litmus Tests

Realville, USA ^ | Nov 20, 2012 | Ombud

[SquarePants]

My sons are getting about the age where they've started asking me about the differences between liberals and conservatives, so I guess I should start a list of easy ways to tell the difference...

- If you're committed to women's rights, but unconcerned about the females that are aborted every day, you're probably a liberal. 

- If you think the world needs better solutions to problems like hunger and disease, but you think capitalist companies should be raped and pillaged, you're probably a liberal. 

- If you despise bullies who use intimidation and threats to get their way, but support the Palestinians, you're probably a liberal. 

- If you think dunking a crucifix in pee is art that should be protected as free speech, but conservative talk shows need to be pulled off the air, you're probably a liberal. 

- If you're deeply committed to nonviolence, but think (insert Republican name here)'s a scumsucking pig who should be shot like a dog in the streets, you're probably a liberal. 

- If you think it's wrong that companies are sending jobs overseas, but you fully support unions, you're probably a liberal. 

- If you're concerned about fundamentalist Christians imposing their religion on you, but unconcerned about fundamentalist Muslims imposing their religion on you, you're probably a liberal. 

- If you think George W. Bush was a worse President than George H.W. Bush, you're probably a liberal. 

Feel free to add more...

[Founding Father]

If you’re a miserable B*****d that wants everyone else to be as miserable as you, then you’re probably a liberal.

[Know et al]

If you think it makes perfect sense to vote for a piece of legislation without reading it, you are a liberal.

[Mortrey]

If you plan to get a job from a poor person, you’re probably a liberal.

If you want the fruits of other people’s labor, you’re probably a liberal.

If you think the republican party was the party of slavery, you’re probably a liberal.

If you think Obama cares about you, you’re probably a liberal.

If you think “NO” Parking means “Negroes Only-(NO)”, you’re probably a liberal.

If you think taking a pill that may cause blood clots is safer than keeping your knees together is better control over unwanted pregnancies, you’re probably a liberal.

If you think there is no Higher Power than yourself, you’re probably a liberal.

And...if you think I’m not going to enjoy the crap that hits your fan as a result of your unintelligent vote in a short time, you’re probably a liberal.

If you think I won’t resent your stupid decision when it takes me down as well, you’re probably a liberal.

[real saxophonist]

During the 1992 elections, I was just out of the Marine Corps, and had the misfortune of having as a roommate the Vice President of College Democrats.

Intersting time.

[DManA]

If you think George W. Bush was a worse President than George H.W. Bush, you're probably a liberal.

If you see a dime's worth of difference between them you are a fool = liberal. And if you don't see they together destroyed the Reagan revolution - ah who cares what you think.

[DManA]

If you are a Bush pimp you are a useful fool for the liberals.

[dfwgator]

If you sign the back of a check, rather than the front of a check, you’re probably a liberal.

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

I have a simple litmus test for liberals. Lock them in a room with only one vent. Hook up a hose from a car’s exhaust to the vent then start it. After a few minutes those liberals who turn blue have passed the litmus test.

[jmacusa]

As a former liberal I look at it this way; Conservatism is Mom and Dad and the nice home in the suburbs. Liberalism is when Mom and Dad go away for the week-end and the kids are in charge. I think you know what happens next.

[HomeAtLast]

If you think gays should be represented in the Easter Parade, but Jesus should be removed to avoid offending anyone, you’re probably a liberal.

If you think dumb animals should have civil rights, but humans who can’t speak for themselves should be “allowed” to die, you’re probably a liberal.

If you think pets allowed to die should go fast and euphorically, but humans should go by starvation and dehydration, you’re probably a liberal.

[Freestate316]

If you give a paltry sum of your own money, but believe paying high taxes is patriotic...
If you believe conservative Christians are hateful and dangerous, but Muslims are peace loving...
If you have Planned Parenthood on speed dial...
If you believe that America is an evil, selfish nation in need of transformation...
If you travel the world in private jets but vilify people who drive SUVs...
If you believe that “the wall of separation,” abortion, and gay marriage are in the Constitution, but free religious expression and gun ownership are not...
If you believe that leaving a woman to die in your car, committing treason and backstabbing American soldiers, running a gay prostitution ring from your apartment or receiving oral sex from a 21 year old intern in the Oval Office is no big deal, but telling an off color joke to a female coworker is morally outrageous...
If you take millions in campaign contributions from teachers unions but send your kids to private schools...
Wow,I could be here all day, but there is much to do!

[Freestate316]

Sadly true. I voted for him twice, but in hindsight he did some serious damage. On top of the spending, it drove me insane that he would never defend himself or go after Democrats. He allowed a hostile media to define him and destroy the GOP brand. As a result we got Reid-Pelosi and 8 long years of Obama. I do believe that he loves America and is a good decent man, which is more than I can say about Obama.

[CaspersGh0sts]

Liberal: “I feel that...”

Conservative: “I think that...”

And this has proven far more true than I ever believed when I first starting observing it.