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City Defends Hiring Non-Swimming Minorities as Lifeguards
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 Apr 2013 | John Semmens

Posted on 04/05/2013 7:05:29 PM PDT by John Semmens

While taking some flak for doing so, City of Phoenix officials are standing by their decision to accept non-swimming minorities as pool lifeguards.

“The problem with requiring swimming proficiency as a condition of employment is that minorities would be under-represented among those we hire,” City Parks and Recreation Administrator Alfredo Zote observed. “The Mayor has asked us to strive for a workforce that mirrors the composition of the City’s population. We can’t do that if we impose qualifications that have a disproportionate impact on any racial or ethnic groups.”

As to whether the ability to swim might not be a crucial skill in the performance of the job, Zote demurred. “Few of the annual drownings that occur in our state are at public pools,” he pointed out. “And we can team the non-swimming minority hire with a strong-swimming white hiree. That way the non-swimmer can help spot a potential drowning victim and direct the swimmer to rescue him.”

While Zote acknowledged that he had no idea on whether the new policy would have any negative consequences for the safety of visitors to any of the City’s 23 public pools he did ask that “critics balance any undesired outcomes at the pools with the social gains of our minority hiring policy. Providing employment for disfavored groups is not without its benefits. Whether their gains in self-esteem outweigh losses in terms of injury or fatalities at our sites is, in my opinion, a judgment call.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2013/04/05/administration-touts-obamacare-as-jobs-engine/


TOPICS: Government; Health/Medicine; Politics; Society
KEYWORDS: affirmativeaction; minorities; safety; satire
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To: aquila48

Captain Obvious, we all KNOW that it did happen, we are discussing the justification as imagined by John, and that’s missing from the article you linked.


21 posted on 04/05/2013 7:33:48 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious!)
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To: aquila48
That's quite an article at your link:

There’s a good reason the city is hiring lifeguards that can’t swim. Public pools are largely used by Latino and African-American kids, but most of the lifeguards are white and this creates a huge problem. “The kids in the pool are all either Hispanic or black or whatever, and every lifeguard is white and we don’t like that,” says a Phoenix official quoted in the story.
In other words, the city should hire someone with a skin color that doesn't offend the racists. That's "a good reason" why Whitey need not apply.

Sue these bastards.

22 posted on 04/05/2013 7:38:40 PM PDT by TChad (Call them Oppressives, not Progressives.)
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To: John Semmens

Thanks for the post, and the ping John. Another good one. Enjoyed.


23 posted on 04/05/2013 7:49:13 PM PDT by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will, they ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: John Semmens

I only heard about this on hate talk radio so I have no idea what all was said or where the line is. It’s all so absurd - and all so plausible ;-)


24 posted on 04/05/2013 7:51:40 PM PDT by rockrr (Everything is different now...)
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To: John Semmens

I’d hate to be the parent whose drowning child was not saved by the affirmative action lifeguard.


25 posted on 04/05/2013 7:51:50 PM PDT by Some Fat Guy in L.A. (Still bitterly clinging to rational thought despite it's unfashionability)
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To: John Semmens; #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; ...

Uno, Dos, Tres, Quatro, Sinko, baby.


26 posted on 04/05/2013 7:52:09 PM PDT by Kenny Bunk (The Obama Molecule: Teflon binds with Melanin = No Criminal Charges Stick)
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To: John Semmens

Documentation File on the negative impact of the Obamanation Counterculture on America.


27 posted on 04/05/2013 7:53:25 PM PDT by Graewoulf (Traitor John Roberts' Commune-Style Obama'care' violates U.S. Constitution AND Anti-Trust Law.)
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To: John Semmens; ding_dong_daddy_from_dumas; Gilbo_3; NFHale; Impy; AuntB; stephenjohnbanker; ...
RE :”While taking some flak for doing so, City of Phoenix officials are standing by their decision to accept non-swimming minorities as pool lifeguards.
“The problem with requiring swimming proficiency as a condition of employment is that minorities would be under-represented among those we hire,” City Parks and Recreation Administrator Alfredo Zote observed. “The Mayor has asked us to strive for a workforce that mirrors the composition of the City’s population. We can’t do that if we impose qualifications that have a disproportionate impact on any racial or ethnic groups.”

This is one that is so outrageous and perfect (for us to repeat) that I am naturally hesitant to even believe it is true.

You CANT get a better example than this.

Here in Maryland my favorite swimming hole 100 years history which was an absolute heaven in the summer was closed 2003 because an adult swimming across drowned (it had many posted signs 'swim at your own risk') and her parents sued,
And yes when all those years it was open before 2003 I went a few times a week every summer for a decade and saw very few blacks were swimming in it because few knew how to swim. they stuck with the pools.

The new America.

28 posted on 04/05/2013 7:59:41 PM PDT by sickoflibs (To GOP : Any path to US citizenship IS putting them ahead in line. Stop lying about your position.)
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To: Kenny Bunk

Sinko...best laugh of the day!


29 posted on 04/05/2013 8:02:32 PM PDT by 3D-JOY
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To: Chode
It IS funny on a sick level. So the incompetent lifeguards can't swim. When someone needs help, DON'T depend on the lifeguard.

If the lifeguard jumps into the pool, better send TWO crews out. One to save the drowning victim and another to save the lifeguard.

Fantastic satire that is becoming reality every day.

30 posted on 04/05/2013 8:02:35 PM PDT by boop ("You don't look so bad, here's another")
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To: TChad; John Semmens; All

An aquaintance sent the following email to the city employee who made that statement a couple days ago, they’ve not received a reply.

kelly.martinez@phoenix.gov

Ms. Martinez,

I read an article you are quoted in regarding a lack of diversity with your lifeguards in Phoenix.

Article quote:

“”The kids in the pool are all either Hispanic or black or whatever, and every lifeguard is white,” she says, “and we don’t like that. The kids don’t relate; there’s language issues.””

In the first place you don’t have to “like that.” The lifeguards are not there to “relate” they are there to save lives should an emergency arise. In fact lifeguards are not supposed to talk to people in or out of the pool when guarding, they’re supposed to stay alert and watch people
in the pool.

In the second place there should not be any language issues as long as the guards speak English, being they’re all white I would assume they speak it, this is the USA.

As lifeguarding is a field that is vital for safety it would seem guards should be selected for their ability and expertise, not their skin color.

Should an Hispanic or black person be about to drown I would think they’d want the very best qualified lifeguards guarding those Phoenix pools, it in fact could be the difference between life and death. I’m positive you and your coworkers wouldn’t “like that” if it was death.

Respectfully,

*************


31 posted on 04/05/2013 8:13:29 PM PDT by jazusamo ("Mercy to the guilty is cruelty to the innocent." -- Adam Smith)
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To: John Semmens

Bill Cosby said it best quoting God...

“How long can you tread water?”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zyc1315KawQ


32 posted on 04/05/2013 8:28:19 PM PDT by Jack Hydrazine (I’m not a Republican, I’m a conservative! Pubbies haven't been conservative since before T.R.)
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To: Viennacon

Today’s satire; tomorrow’s Leftist insanity imposed on everyone else!


33 posted on 04/05/2013 8:29:39 PM PDT by Jack Hydrazine (I’m not a Republican, I’m a conservative! Pubbies haven't been conservative since before T.R.)
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To: John Semmens
Semmens channels Sebelius.

(Again.)

How do you do this, John? Hidden mics? An "associate" in the HHS? Was Miss Cleo involved?

.

34 posted on 04/05/2013 8:32:34 PM PDT by Seaplaner (Never give in. Never give in. Never...except to convictions of honour and good sense. W. Churchill)
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To: boop
oh it's funny alright, just more scary than funny... John always cut close to the bone
35 posted on 04/05/2013 8:36:44 PM PDT by Chode (Stand UP and Be Counted, or line up and be numbered - *DTOM* -ww- NO Pity for the LAZY)
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To: jazusamo
they’ve not received a reply.

What a surprise.

36 posted on 04/05/2013 8:37:59 PM PDT by TChad (Call them Oppressives, not Progressives.)
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To: John Semmens

And people think affirmatice action physicians are dangerous....


37 posted on 04/05/2013 8:49:30 PM PDT by Intolerant in NJ
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To: Revolting cat!

Revolting Idiot, what was the justification that John imagined that was not in the FOX article? Except for a bit of literary license, it’s pretty damn close - John didn’t exaggerate much.


38 posted on 04/05/2013 9:32:19 PM PDT by aquila48
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To: aquila48

Living up to your name, Captain Obvious, treating others as if they were uninformed idiots, and only you knew! Well, they’ve long known!


39 posted on 04/05/2013 9:35:50 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious!)
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To: Revolting cat!

So you knew you were an idiot all along! You’re better informed than I thought.

Don’t be the first to throw stones if you live in a glass house.


40 posted on 04/05/2013 9:44:06 PM PDT by aquila48
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