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City Defends Hiring Non-Swimming Minorities as Lifeguards
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 Apr 2013 | John Semmens

Posted on 04/05/2013 7:05:29 PM PDT by John Semmens

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1 posted on 04/05/2013 7:05:29 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 04/05/2013 7:06:17 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

It’s a good thing humans usually float.


3 posted on 04/05/2013 7:07:02 PM PDT by Jonty30 (What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults)
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To: John Semmens

Another satire article that could easily be true.


4 posted on 04/05/2013 7:07:50 PM PDT by Viennacon
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To: Jonty30

After they are dead.


5 posted on 04/05/2013 7:07:53 PM PDT by doc1019 (The rabbit hole that Obama is leading us down just gets deeper and deeper.)
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To: John Semmens
Ya almost .. almost .. got me !

And sadly, it's completely believeable, John.

6 posted on 04/05/2013 7:09:24 PM PDT by tomkat ( if FReepers start goin' quiet, it's finally ON . . no gulags for me, whatever the cost)
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To: John Semmens

You caught me this time, John, and I always catch satire. It’s too good not to be true!


7 posted on 04/05/2013 7:10:02 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious!)
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To: Viennacon

Another satire article that could easily be true.


I actually thought this was true and just shrugged.

It’s hard to tell the difference between satire and truth these days.


8 posted on 04/05/2013 7:11:26 PM PDT by laplata (The Answer To 1984 Is 1776)
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To: Jonty30

We all float down here.


9 posted on 04/05/2013 7:15:27 PM PDT by cripplecreek (REMEMBER THE RIVER RAISIN!)
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To: doc1019

I wasn’t being time specific. :)


10 posted on 04/05/2013 7:15:44 PM PDT by Jonty30 (What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults)
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To: Jonty30

;-)


11 posted on 04/05/2013 7:16:40 PM PDT by doc1019 (The rabbit hole that Obama is leading us down just gets deeper and deeper.)
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To: Revolting cat!
A swimming pool with enough water in it to drown ~ in Phoenix in the summer?

Always a giveaway that it's satire!

Hahahahahaha!

12 posted on 04/05/2013 7:19:23 PM PDT by muawiyah
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To: Viennacon

You are so right would anyone be surprised if it was true?


13 posted on 04/05/2013 7:19:53 PM PDT by funfan
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To: John Semmens
LOL, it'd be funny if it weren't so scary close to the truth...
14 posted on 04/05/2013 7:23:16 PM PDT by Chode (Stand UP and Be Counted, or line up and be numbered - *DTOM* -ww- NO Pity for the LAZY)
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To: John Semmens

non-swimming minorities

aka anchors


15 posted on 04/05/2013 7:23:20 PM PDT by Cowgirl of Justice
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To: John Semmens
“And we can team the non-swimming minority hire with a strong-swimming white hiree. That way the non-swimmer can help spot a potential drowning victim and direct the swimmer to rescue him.”

What? Only the whites can swim? There are no strong minority swimmers? Or is he just being racist?

16 posted on 04/05/2013 7:25:22 PM PDT by tiki
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To: Viennacon; tomkat; Revolting cat!; John Semmens

“Another satire article that could easily be true.”

Not could easily be true, IT IS TRUE. Check out this.

http://nation.foxnews.com/weird-news/2013/04/04/city-recruits-minority-lifeguards-even-if-they-cant-swim

All of John’s satires are at their essence true, just stretched a bit.


17 posted on 04/05/2013 7:26:59 PM PDT by aquila48
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To: John Semmens

Everybody knows that blacks cannot swim.


18 posted on 04/05/2013 7:30:18 PM PDT by sagar
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To: John Semmens

Dang, you did get me. I usually get the satire threads as satire but this one sounded so real. I can imagine them saying things like that.


19 posted on 04/05/2013 7:30:54 PM PDT by tiki
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To: sagar

White guys can’t jump, black guys can’t swim. Sounds fair to me.


20 posted on 04/05/2013 7:31:55 PM PDT by Sherman Logan
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To: aquila48

Captain Obvious, we all KNOW that it did happen, we are discussing the justification as imagined by John, and that’s missing from the article you linked.


21 posted on 04/05/2013 7:33:48 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious!)
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To: aquila48
That's quite an article at your link:

There’s a good reason the city is hiring lifeguards that can’t swim. Public pools are largely used by Latino and African-American kids, but most of the lifeguards are white and this creates a huge problem. “The kids in the pool are all either Hispanic or black or whatever, and every lifeguard is white and we don’t like that,” says a Phoenix official quoted in the story.
In other words, the city should hire someone with a skin color that doesn't offend the racists. That's "a good reason" why Whitey need not apply.

Sue these bastards.

22 posted on 04/05/2013 7:38:40 PM PDT by TChad (Call them Oppressives, not Progressives.)
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To: John Semmens

Thanks for the post, and the ping John. Another good one. Enjoyed.


23 posted on 04/05/2013 7:49:13 PM PDT by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will, they ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: John Semmens

I only heard about this on hate talk radio so I have no idea what all was said or where the line is. It’s all so absurd - and all so plausible ;-)


24 posted on 04/05/2013 7:51:40 PM PDT by rockrr (Everything is different now...)
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To: John Semmens

I’d hate to be the parent whose drowning child was not saved by the affirmative action lifeguard.


25 posted on 04/05/2013 7:51:50 PM PDT by Some Fat Guy in L.A. (Still bitterly clinging to rational thought despite it's unfashionability)
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To: John Semmens; #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; ...

Uno, Dos, Tres, Quatro, Sinko, baby.


26 posted on 04/05/2013 7:52:09 PM PDT by Kenny Bunk (The Obama Molecule: Teflon binds with Melanin = No Criminal Charges Stick)
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To: John Semmens

Documentation File on the negative impact of the Obamanation Counterculture on America.


27 posted on 04/05/2013 7:53:25 PM PDT by Graewoulf (Traitor John Roberts' Commune-Style Obama'care' violates U.S. Constitution AND Anti-Trust Law.)
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To: John Semmens; ding_dong_daddy_from_dumas; Gilbo_3; NFHale; Impy; AuntB; stephenjohnbanker; ...
RE :”While taking some flak for doing so, City of Phoenix officials are standing by their decision to accept non-swimming minorities as pool lifeguards.
“The problem with requiring swimming proficiency as a condition of employment is that minorities would be under-represented among those we hire,” City Parks and Recreation Administrator Alfredo Zote observed. “The Mayor has asked us to strive for a workforce that mirrors the composition of the City’s population. We can’t do that if we impose qualifications that have a disproportionate impact on any racial or ethnic groups.”

This is one that is so outrageous and perfect (for us to repeat) that I am naturally hesitant to even believe it is true.

You CANT get a better example than this.

Here in Maryland my favorite swimming hole 100 years history which was an absolute heaven in the summer was closed 2003 because an adult swimming across drowned (it had many posted signs 'swim at your own risk') and her parents sued,
And yes when all those years it was open before 2003 I went a few times a week every summer for a decade and saw very few blacks were swimming in it because few knew how to swim. they stuck with the pools.

The new America.

28 posted on 04/05/2013 7:59:41 PM PDT by sickoflibs (To GOP : Any path to US citizenship IS putting them ahead in line. Stop lying about your position.)
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To: Kenny Bunk

Sinko...best laugh of the day!


29 posted on 04/05/2013 8:02:32 PM PDT by 3D-JOY
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To: Chode
It IS funny on a sick level. So the incompetent lifeguards can't swim. When someone needs help, DON'T depend on the lifeguard.

If the lifeguard jumps into the pool, better send TWO crews out. One to save the drowning victim and another to save the lifeguard.

Fantastic satire that is becoming reality every day.

30 posted on 04/05/2013 8:02:35 PM PDT by boop ("You don't look so bad, here's another")
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To: TChad; John Semmens; All

An aquaintance sent the following email to the city employee who made that statement a couple days ago, they’ve not received a reply.

kelly.martinez@phoenix.gov

Ms. Martinez,

I read an article you are quoted in regarding a lack of diversity with your lifeguards in Phoenix.

Article quote:

“”The kids in the pool are all either Hispanic or black or whatever, and every lifeguard is white,” she says, “and we don’t like that. The kids don’t relate; there’s language issues.””

In the first place you don’t have to “like that.” The lifeguards are not there to “relate” they are there to save lives should an emergency arise. In fact lifeguards are not supposed to talk to people in or out of the pool when guarding, they’re supposed to stay alert and watch people
in the pool.

In the second place there should not be any language issues as long as the guards speak English, being they’re all white I would assume they speak it, this is the USA.

As lifeguarding is a field that is vital for safety it would seem guards should be selected for their ability and expertise, not their skin color.

Should an Hispanic or black person be about to drown I would think they’d want the very best qualified lifeguards guarding those Phoenix pools, it in fact could be the difference between life and death. I’m positive you and your coworkers wouldn’t “like that” if it was death.

Respectfully,

*************


31 posted on 04/05/2013 8:13:29 PM PDT by jazusamo ("Mercy to the guilty is cruelty to the innocent." -- Adam Smith)
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To: John Semmens

Bill Cosby said it best quoting God...

“How long can you tread water?”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zyc1315KawQ


32 posted on 04/05/2013 8:28:19 PM PDT by Jack Hydrazine (I’m not a Republican, I’m a conservative! Pubbies haven't been conservative since before T.R.)
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To: Viennacon

Today’s satire; tomorrow’s Leftist insanity imposed on everyone else!


33 posted on 04/05/2013 8:29:39 PM PDT by Jack Hydrazine (I’m not a Republican, I’m a conservative! Pubbies haven't been conservative since before T.R.)
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To: John Semmens
Semmens channels Sebelius.

(Again.)

How do you do this, John? Hidden mics? An "associate" in the HHS? Was Miss Cleo involved?

.

34 posted on 04/05/2013 8:32:34 PM PDT by Seaplaner (Never give in. Never give in. Never...except to convictions of honour and good sense. W. Churchill)
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To: boop
oh it's funny alright, just more scary than funny... John always cut close to the bone
35 posted on 04/05/2013 8:36:44 PM PDT by Chode (Stand UP and Be Counted, or line up and be numbered - *DTOM* -ww- NO Pity for the LAZY)
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To: jazusamo
they’ve not received a reply.

What a surprise.

36 posted on 04/05/2013 8:37:59 PM PDT by TChad (Call them Oppressives, not Progressives.)
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To: John Semmens

And people think affirmatice action physicians are dangerous....


37 posted on 04/05/2013 8:49:30 PM PDT by Intolerant in NJ
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To: Revolting cat!

Revolting Idiot, what was the justification that John imagined that was not in the FOX article? Except for a bit of literary license, it’s pretty damn close - John didn’t exaggerate much.


38 posted on 04/05/2013 9:32:19 PM PDT by aquila48
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To: aquila48

Living up to your name, Captain Obvious, treating others as if they were uninformed idiots, and only you knew! Well, they’ve long known!


39 posted on 04/05/2013 9:35:50 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious!)
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To: Revolting cat!

So you knew you were an idiot all along! You’re better informed than I thought.

Don’t be the first to throw stones if you live in a glass house.


40 posted on 04/05/2013 9:44:06 PM PDT by aquila48
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To: John Semmens
Another excellent response to the blatant ignorance of the left, John

City Officials are only following the example provided by the President of the United States as further evidence qualifications and substance are less important than feelings and ideology.

The safety and quality of life is less of a concern than the perception of oversight. see obamacare

As always, enjoy your work. Keep up the fight.

41 posted on 04/05/2013 9:44:21 PM PDT by saywhatagain
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To: John Semmens

Non swimmers can hold their breath longer, said one official as he pointed to a lifeguard who had been floating face down for over half an hour.


42 posted on 04/05/2013 9:47:42 PM PDT by count-your-change (you don't have to be brilliant, not being stupid is enough)
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To: John Semmens

Hahha!

Life Guards - Check
President - Check
Brain Surgeon - Check
etc.
etc.
etc.


43 posted on 04/05/2013 9:56:10 PM PDT by METARZAN
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To: aquila48
Don’t be the first to throw stones if you live in a glass house.

Got anything better than worn cliches and personal insults, and links to articles that everyone's already read, along with explanations what they mean? Pitiful.

44 posted on 04/05/2013 9:56:46 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious!)
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To: Revolting cat!

“Got anything better than worn cliches and personal insults”

That would be my question to you, Idiot. You started the insults - remember? You could use some manners - but at least you picked an accurate tag - you are Revolting.


45 posted on 04/05/2013 10:24:00 PM PDT by aquila48
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To: John Semmens

GREAT Satire, JS.

Now a story of reality...

During WWII, my father-in-law volunteered for submarine duty. All candidates were required to take a swimming test. My F-I-L never learned to swim, so he had a buddy take the test for him.

He served in Submarine Service for his enlistment.

SALUTE to my FIL.


46 posted on 04/05/2013 10:39:54 PM PDT by Diver Dave (Because He Lives, I Can Face Tomorrow)
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To: John Semmens
Darn it! You got me! I made it clear to the end before i realized. It’s just too hard to know it’s satire with all the idiots in charge anymore because I read worse that is not satire.
47 posted on 04/05/2013 11:03:53 PM PDT by Colorado Doug (Now I know how the Indians felt to be sold out for a few beads and trinkets)
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To: jazusamo
"The kids in the pool are all either Hispanic or black or whatever"

"Whatever"?

Uh, Ms. Martinez just WHO are you are referring to as "whatever"?

Scratch a liberal and there's a racist right under the skin.

I guess there are 3 kinds of people in this world. Hispanic, black and "whatever".

Guess I'm one of those "whatever" people.

48 posted on 04/05/2013 11:26:16 PM PDT by boop ("You don't look so bad, here's another")
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To: John Semmens
As long as they hire the right minorities, who cares if they can't swim?


49 posted on 04/06/2013 6:19:10 AM PDT by Malone LaVeigh
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To: sickoflibs; John Semmens

Stranger things have happened, and I expect there will be more.

The US forest service requires MORE latino hire ons, at least they did a few years ago, and they just came right out and said it.

For an illegal alien to qualify for SSI, he/she is a shoe in to get it because not being able to speak English is considered a disability.


50 posted on 04/06/2013 6:22:44 AM PDT by AuntB (Illegal immigration is simply more "share the wealth" socialism and a CRIME not a race!)
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