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Boston Bombing Inspires Array of Reactions
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 Apr 2013 | John Semmens

Posted on 04/19/2013 10:42:56 PM PDT by John Semmens

Department of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano denied that the Administration’s 45% cut in the budget for bomb prevention would have made any difference. “As I have said many times before, the greatest threat comes from right-wing extremists,” Napolitano maintained. “Even at the lower funding amounts we have successfully continued to suppress this most dangerous element. We, like everyone else, were taken completely by surprise by these Muslim extremists.”

Minority Whip Representative Steny Hoyer (D-Md) blamed the bombing on the “Republican sequester.” Hoyer was unmoved by the seeming illogic of casting the sequester’s 2% decrease in spending growth as decisive. Neither was he deterred by the fact that the sequester was President Obama’s idea. “Well, the President never thought it would stick,” Hoyer retorted. “Besides, everybody now thinks it was the GOP’s idea.”

Representative Peter King (R-NY) asked that “retailers be required to report persons who buy pressure cookers, pellets, ball bearings, or nails—anything that might be used to construct a bomb—to police. I’ve been working on legislation to require beefed up background checks for gun purchases, and that’s important, but as events in Boston have shown, we may need background checks for a wider range of potentially dangerous items.”

Former Congressman Barney Frank (D-Mass) contended that “the bombing thoroughly rebuts the case for small government. I think that most people would eagerly exchange the freedom that right-wingers are saying is the American birthright for a government big enough to protect them from being blown away. A government with the manpower to search every bag and pat down every person entering any public transportation vehicle or any building that is open to the public would have the support of an overwhelming majority of voters.”

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel saw the incident as evidence for the superiority of police surveillance over an armed citizenry for defending the country. “I would say that even if everyone in the country were armed they’d still be vulnerable to terrorist bombs,” Emanuel argued. “I’d make the case that if all the money people spend on buying guns were instead invested in more extensive surveillance government would be better prepared to apprehend the perpetrators of heinous crimes and counter any threats to existing authority.”

Former GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney espied a “silver lining in this terrible tragedy. We saw President Obama give a superb speech at the memorial. It was much better than I could’ve done. In hindsight, I guess I’d have to say the voters made the right decision last November.”

MSNBC’s Chris Matthews called the indication that the bombing was undertaken by Islamic jihadis “truly disappointing. If it had been a Timothy McVeigh type of guy we could’ve used that to bolster the President’s campaign for gun control. Now every redneck in the country is going to think he needs a gun to fight off alien enemies. It’s a crucial lost opportunity.”

The revelation that the attack was carried out by two ex-patriots moved Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov to blame the crime on America’s “toxic values. The appalling depravity that is on display in every corner of the country drove these two deeply religious young men to strike a blow for decency.” Kadyrov rued the slaying of one of the bombers as a “true tragedy. America’s violent culture has claimed yet another innocent victim.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2013/04/20/boston-bombing-inspires-array-of-reactions/


TOPICS: Government; Military/Veterans; Politics; Religion
KEYWORDS: democrats; islamism; satire; terrorists

1 posted on 04/19/2013 10:42:56 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 04/19/2013 10:48:54 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Chris Matthews, you ARE an alien enemy. And a scumbag.


3 posted on 04/19/2013 10:51:38 PM PDT by MarMema
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To: John Semmens

Nailed it again John.


4 posted on 04/19/2013 10:54:37 PM PDT by doorgunner69
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To: John Semmens

Another good one, John! And again, treading a VERY fine line.

But the idea that any of these beings might have anything worthwhile to say about anything, ever, is semi-news and semi-satire enough.


5 posted on 04/19/2013 10:56:20 PM PDT by dagogo redux (A whiff of primitive spirits in the air, harbingers of an impending descent into the feral.)
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To: John Semmens

Nice work there.


6 posted on 04/19/2013 10:57:43 PM PDT by Lancey Howard
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To: John Semmens

7 posted on 04/19/2013 11:01:15 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously, you won't live through it anyway)
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To: John Semmens

BTW, nice synaptic...


8 posted on 04/19/2013 11:01:38 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously, you won't live through it anyway)
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To: John Semmens

Bump


9 posted on 04/19/2013 11:08:31 PM PDT by Jet Jaguar
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To: John Semmens

Oh dear, the Barney Frank paragraph is hilarious! Great play on words.


10 posted on 04/19/2013 11:11:32 PM PDT by bonfire
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To: John Semmens

Close enough, John. Close enough for government work.


11 posted on 04/19/2013 11:26:17 PM PDT by TChad (Call them Oppressives, not Progressives)
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To: John Semmens
"America's violent culture has claimed yet another innocent victim..."

(8^D)

wow....John, you nailed it!

12 posted on 04/20/2013 12:31:16 AM PDT by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing)
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To: John Semmens
the target rich environment occurring this week must make it hard to determine what material to use.

Have never heard so much unadulterated illogical, incoherent, dysfunctional, hatred, racist comments from the progressive socialist libtards in such a short period of time as we have had the past 10 days.

good work, keep it up!

13 posted on 04/20/2013 12:42:07 AM PDT by saywhatagain
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To: John Semmens

I think you have captured very well the mindset of all of those “leaders.”


14 posted on 04/20/2013 1:26:46 AM PDT by Rocky (Obama is pure evil.)
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To: John Semmens
“Even at the lower funding amounts we have successfully continued to suppress this most dangerous element. We, like everyone else, were taken completely by surprise by these Muslim extremists.”

I have never seen such ridiculous and obvious mendacity in one statement in my life and yet no one in the press or politics will challenge her. Any respect she may have once felt for Americans’ fundamental intelligence has gone. She will attack “Right wing extremest” Americans. Count on it.

15 posted on 04/20/2013 4:44:05 AM PDT by TalBlack (Evil doesn't have a day job.)
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To: John Semmens
I know this is satire since your name was on it, but this is the thinking of the left.

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel saw the incident as evidence for the superiority of police surveillance over an armed citizenry

Hey mayor, if you had surveillance in your city, do you think the murder rate would drop? I bet not.

16 posted on 04/20/2013 5:16:54 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (President Bush took the war on terror to them, and 0 bummer brought it to our soil.)
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To: John Semmens

WOW!

My day is complete before it begins!

Maybe I can find a few hours without thinking about this weeks events? NO!


17 posted on 04/20/2013 6:23:55 AM PDT by 3D-JOY
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To: John Semmens

When the thousands of SWAT members, DHS hock troops are occupied somewhere else on diversionary suspect hunts more Muslim democrat terrorists will strike, and THEN armed citizens will form up and take over.

You get a thousand terrorists doing exactly what these two did all at the same time all across America there is NO WAY enough police or military.

America citizens will take over.

Bet on it.


18 posted on 04/20/2013 6:30:02 AM PDT by Spartan302
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To: John Semmens

Bwaaa-Haaa-HAA!


19 posted on 04/20/2013 6:54:41 AM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin (I don't have 'Hobbies.' I'm developing a robust Post-Apocalyptic skill set...)
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To: John Semmens

Don’t forget Bloombeg’s “new normal.” And the Rubio spokeshole’s assertion that this incident shouldn’t interfere with immigration reform. It’s been a target rich week for satire. there has been no shortage of people who have far too much responsibility for this country saying incredibly stupid things. How *will* 0bama spin this, John? How did he spin the Fort Hood attack? And the KSM trial. I know this kid’s case will go down the rabbit hole until Hussain is safely out of office.


20 posted on 04/20/2013 6:56:03 AM PDT by Excellence (9/11 was an act of faith.)
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To: John Semmens

Brilliant, John. It’s impossible to discern where the real statements leave off and the satire begins.


21 posted on 04/20/2013 8:23:13 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom
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To: John Semmens
“The point is to overcome a feeling of helplessness by giving the appearance of remedial action,” Manchin explained. “The only thing that might deter or decrease the body count in these shooting sprees would be if an armed victim or good Samaritan were to cut the spree short by returning fire. The problem with this, though, is that it would vindicate a world view that we Democrats find extraordinarily distasteful.”

Satire-schmatire!

Another fine, fine column John.

.

22 posted on 04/20/2013 9:25:53 AM PDT by Seaplaner (Never give in. Never give in. Never...except to convictions of honour and good sense. W. Churchill)
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To: John Semmens

bump


23 posted on 04/20/2013 9:27:47 AM PDT by GeronL (http://asspos.blogspot.com)
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To: John Semmens

The “greatest threat” has always come from our loose cannon government.


24 posted on 04/20/2013 10:33:46 AM PDT by editor-surveyor (Freepers: Not as smart as I'd hoped they'd be)
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To: John Semmens

>> “I think that most people would eagerly exchange the freedom that right-wingers are saying is the American birthright for a government big enough to protect them from being blown away.” <<

.
Not if they understand the fact that it has always been the goons of government that blow people away.


25 posted on 04/20/2013 10:36:29 AM PDT by editor-surveyor (Freepers: Not as smart as I'd hoped they'd be)
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To: John Semmens
"...Now every redneck in the country is going to think he needs a gun to fight off alien enemies...”

Foreign and Domestic, and it's not a new idea. Great Column!

26 posted on 04/20/2013 12:18:46 PM PDT by higgmeister ( In the Shadow of The Big Chicken!)
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To: John Semmens

Good work, john. You put into words just what these clods are thinking.

Thanks again for the ping.


27 posted on 04/20/2013 4:33:37 PM PDT by fatnotlazy
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To: John Semmens

heh. I wonder how many lists you are on?


28 posted on 04/20/2013 6:49:28 PM PDT by dynachrome (Vertrou in God en die Mauser)
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To: John Semmens
'MSNBC’s Chris Matthews called the indication that the bombing was undertaken by Islamic jihadis “truly disappointing. If it had been a Timothy McVeigh type of guy we could’ve used that to bolster the President’s campaign for gun control. Now every redneck in the country is going to think he needs a gun to fight off alien enemies. It’s a crucial lost opportunity.”' Sounds like something "Chrissy" Matthews would actually say.
29 posted on 04/21/2013 6:32:25 PM PDT by ReformationFan
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