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NSA Calls Encrypted Data Threat to Nationís Security
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 June 2013 | John Semmens

Posted on 06/23/2013 11:52:33 AM PDT by John Semmens

The National Security Agency’s widespread warrant-less snooping was justified by Director, General Keith Alexander, as “an essential component of our efforts to protect the Government from hostile adversaries.”

“The idea that we should obtain warrants before we gather vital intelligence is absurd,” Alexander asserted. “Should a soldier on the battlefield obtain a warrant before he pulls the trigger on his rifle?”

Alexander pointed to the large volume of encrypted data flowing through domestic Internet and phone lines as proof that the threat is real and imminent. “The fact that a person would send an encrypted email is, by itself, an indication that nefarious activities may be underway,” Alexander maintained. “I mean, if you’re not doing anything wrong why are you going to the extra trouble of encrypting your communications? Innocent people don’t behave this way.”

The idea that data might be encrypted in order to foil criminal attempts to steal it failed to impress the General. “It should be obvious that encrypting communications is exactly what a terrorist would do,” he said. “Honest people should avoid emulating this behavior. Acting in such a suspicious way in order to protect personal information selfishly places one’s own interests ahead of the national interest. Such misplaced priorities ought to raise a red flag. At the very least, those who do encrypt their communications can’t blame us for watching.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2013/06/21/congressman-demands-more-balanced-campaign-against-terrorism/


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Government; Military/Veterans; Politics
KEYWORDS: nsa; satire; surveillance; tyranny

1 posted on 06/23/2013 11:52:33 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream.
It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same,
or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children
and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free.
"
President Ronald Reagan

2 posted on 06/23/2013 11:58:32 AM PDT by Diogenesis
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To: John Semmens
Alexander pointed to the large volume of encrypted data flowing through domestic Internet and phone lines as proof that the threat is real and imminent. “The fact that a person would send an encrypted email is, by itself, an indication that nefarious activities may be underway,” Alexander maintained. “I mean, if you’re not doing anything wrong why are you going to the extra trouble of encrypting your communications? Innocent people don’t behave this way.”

Time to encrypt meaningless drivel and disseminate it far and wide.

Oh yes, and the obligatory: FU Keith Alexander.

3 posted on 06/23/2013 12:04:01 PM PDT by Xenophon450 (Profit tells the entrepreneur that the consumers approve of his ventures; loss, that they disapprove)
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To: John Semmens

4 posted on 06/23/2013 12:08:53 PM PDT by JoeProBono (Mille vocibus imago valet;-{)
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To: John Semmens

Nefarious activity or merely a means of keeping the NSA’s nose out of citizens’ daily lives?


5 posted on 06/23/2013 12:13:37 PM PDT by bgill (This reply was mined before it was posted.)
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To: Xenophon450

Psst, Billy has soccer practice on Tuesday at 3. Pass it on.


6 posted on 06/23/2013 12:14:33 PM PDT by bgill (This reply was mined before it was posted.)
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To: bgill

John has a long mustache. John has a long mustache.


7 posted on 06/23/2013 12:35:19 PM PDT by Neidermeyer (I used to be disgusted , now I try to be amused.)
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To: John Semmens

Good satire always has a large dose of truth in it. This one almost sucked me in again. I like it.


8 posted on 06/23/2013 12:40:23 PM PDT by fella ("As it was before Noah, so shall it be again,")
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To: John Semmens
A classic example of why we NEED encription....the absolute arrogance of this ass wipe to say that..... these bastards must go:

The fact that a person would send an encrypted email is, by itself, an indication that nefarious activities may be underway,” Alexander maintained. “I mean, if you’re not doing anything wrong why are you going to the extra trouble of encrypting your communications? Innocent people don’t behave this way.”

FU Asshole

9 posted on 06/23/2013 12:40:55 PM PDT by The Wizard (Madam President is my President now and in the future)
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To: John Semmens

People are reacting by covering their e-mail with new sites. Big Brother is angry.


10 posted on 06/23/2013 12:41:35 PM PDT by bmwcyle (People who do not study history are destine to believe really ignorant statements.)
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To: The Wizard

got me....


11 posted on 06/23/2013 12:41:53 PM PDT by The Wizard (Madam President is my President now and in the future)
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To: John Semmens

71234 39983 01132 86069 90389
73127 24213 41980 65765 51596


12 posted on 06/23/2013 12:43:28 PM PDT by Rebelbase (1929-1950's, 20+years for full recovery. How long this time?)
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To: The Wizard
A classic example of why we NEED encription....the absolute arrogance of this ass wipe to say that..... these bastards must go:

True, but with the advent of quantum computing, encryption is worthless, at all levels. There exists, already, a 512 qubit computer (D-Wave). It can take a, traditionally, several year problem and arrive at a solution in seconds by exploring multiple solutions simultaneously. A 2048 qubit model is rumored to be commercially available by next year - that's not 4x the speed, it's exponentially faster in an order of magnitude in the tens of millions). What is already built and operational in the NSA data center in Utah would, likely, put these to shame. 256, 512, 1024 encryption keys - these would take fractions of a second to defeat.

13 posted on 06/23/2013 1:16:42 PM PDT by RobertClark (My shrink just killed himself - he blamed me in his note!)
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To: Rebelbase

“71234 39983 01132 86069 90389
73127 24213 41980 65765 51596”

The Cheese-Whiz is buried next to the elephant on the second floor.


14 posted on 06/23/2013 1:24:38 PM PDT by The Antiyuppie ("When small men cast long shadows, then it is very late in the day.")
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To: John Semmens
This is telling...

The National Security Agency’s widespread warrant-less snooping was justified by Director, General Keith Alexander, as “an essential component of our efforts to protect the Government from hostile adversaries.”

He views his mission as "protecting the government", not protecting the American people.

15 posted on 06/23/2013 1:31:32 PM PDT by Dan Cooper
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To: John Semmens
More information about General Alexander at ZeroHedge.

Meet The Man In Charge Of America's Secret Cyber Army (In Which "Bonesaw" Makes A Mockery Of PRISM)

16 posted on 06/23/2013 1:36:52 PM PDT by Dan Cooper
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To: John Semmens

Ohhhh, it’s satire...nevermind.


17 posted on 06/23/2013 1:39:14 PM PDT by Dan Cooper
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To: John Semmens

Ya know why people REALLY use envelopes..?

Cuz they’re mailing info about murder and drug-dealing.

Its completely obvious.


18 posted on 06/23/2013 1:39:58 PM PDT by gaijin
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To: John Semmens

Clothes are fine, sure but do you know why MOST people wear clothes?

In order to conceal guns and grenades.

Clothes add to metabolism in NO WAY AT ALL.

almost ALL gang bangers wear clothes and spies also wear clothes.

Why do we permit this..?


19 posted on 06/23/2013 1:45:26 PM PDT by gaijin
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To: John Semmens
“The fact that a person would send an encrypted email is, by itself, an indication that nefarious activities may be underway,” Alexander maintained. “I mean, if you’re not doing anything wrong why are you going to the extra trouble of encrypting your communications? Innocent people don’t behave this way.”
And sending e-mail about protected medical information through the e-mail system without encryption is a violation of HIPPA and therefore a crime. So which is it?

And how about Virtual Private Networks?

20 posted on 06/23/2013 1:56:50 PM PDT by asinclair (Political hot air is a renewable energy resource)
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To: Xenophon450
Oh yes, and the obligatory: FU Keith Alexander.

I prefer to say "FUKA".

21 posted on 06/23/2013 1:58:07 PM PDT by Lazamataz ("AP" clearly stands for American Pravda. Our news media has become completely and proudly Soviet.)
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To: Xenophon450

Maybe just because I desire to. I don’t need a reason to keep you from reading my mail. Here is a perfect example of bureaucratic paranoia ... his very statements make him suspect of a dire need of mental health help.


22 posted on 06/23/2013 2:21:10 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet (Drug abuse is not a victimless crime ... look at what Obama is doing to the country!)
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To: John Semmens

“Privacy is a threat to national security.”


23 posted on 06/23/2013 3:02:49 PM PDT by TBP (Obama lies, Granny dies.)
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To: John Semmens

“The Constitution is a threat to national security.”


24 posted on 06/23/2013 3:03:13 PM PDT by TBP (Obama lies, Granny dies.)
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To: John Semmens

One of your best yet, John.


25 posted on 06/23/2013 3:08:34 PM PDT by Focault's Pendulum (I live in NJ....' Nuff said!)
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To: John Semmens
We need to ban opaque envelopes and make everyone mail their letters in transparent paper, too.

Mailing a letter in an opaque envelope is, by itself, an indication that nefarious activities may be underway.

-PJ

26 posted on 06/23/2013 3:11:41 PM PDT by Political Junkie Too (If you are the Posterity of We the People, then you are a Natural Born Citizen.)
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To: RobertClark
with the advent of quantum computing, encryption is worthless, at all levels

A really simple encryption method, so simple it can be done by hand, cannot cracked, even using quantum computers: One-time Pad

27 posted on 06/23/2013 3:41:41 PM PDT by Reeses
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To: John Semmens

I think this entire incident has destroyed the entire “cloud” industry BS.

It als means that subscription based programs are doomed to failure (is adobe listening? is ms listening?)? Those subscriptions mean access to private computers.

Cloud computer is just a sucker marketing gimick to sell server space.


28 posted on 06/23/2013 3:58:16 PM PDT by longtermmemmory (VOTE! http://www.senate.gov and http://www.house.gov)
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To: John Semmens

“The idea that we should obtain warrants before we gather vital intelligence is absurd,” Alexander asserted. “Should a soldier on the battlefield obtain a warrant before he pulls the trigger on his rifle?”

Sounds pretty close to the rules of engagement that Obama has forced on to our soldiers.


29 posted on 06/23/2013 4:14:08 PM PDT by SECURE AMERICA (Where can I go to sign up for the American Revolution 2013 and the Crusades 2013?)
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To: John Semmens

Does this narcissist know that some of us are required to keep confidences and are required to have things encrypted? He has no right to know my or my clients’ business and he can kiss my ass


30 posted on 06/23/2013 9:15:52 PM PDT by yldstrk (My heroes have always been cowboys)
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