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New NYC Mayor Vows to “Crush Inequality”
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 3 Jan 2014 | John Semmens

Posted on 01/04/2014 9:16:01 AM PST by John Semmens

Newly inaugurated New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio told those attending the ceremony that he would “put an end to inequality in this City. For too long we have tolerated a situation where some have had too much while others have had too little.”

The first step toward Blasio’s egalitarian utopia will be the elimination of Central Park horse-drawn carriage rides, which the Mayor labeled “frivolous and degrading. First of all, horses represent an inefficient form of transportation. Anything horses can do electric cars can do better. Carriages pulled by electric cars would enable people to tour Central Park more effectively and with less pollution.”

“Secondly, horse-drawn carriages convey an image of aristocracy,” de Blasio continued. “This is an image we should be extirpating from our consciousness. A person overpaying for these posh jaunts humiliates everyone who can’t afford to do the same. The excuse that it is ‘harmless recreation’ and that it provides jobs cannot override its negative impact on people’s psyches.”

The Mayor doesn’t have the last word on this. The City Council must approve the ban before it can take effect. If it does, 200 drivers will lose their jobs and 200 horses will likely be shipped off to slaughterhouses to be made into dog food.

In related news, New York City’s Department of Investigation conducted a test to ascertain the probability of success for vote fraud. In the test, undercover agents went to various polling places and made 61 attempts to fraudulently obtain a ballot. On 39 occasions they used the names of dead people, 14 times they used the names of incarcerated felons, and eight times used the names of non-residents. They were denied ballots only twice. De Blasio discounted the significance of the findings by maintaining that “to my knowledge, very few elections in this city have been decided by as few as 59 votes. So I’d have to say that the fears that fraud might play a decisive role in who gets elected are way overblown.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2014/01/04/difficulty-adding-newborns-to-obamacare-not-a-glitch-says-sebelius/


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andrewcuomo; centralpark; chirlanemccray; corruption; hansomcab; inequality; newyork; newyorkcity; satire; socialism; votefraud

1 posted on 01/04/2014 9:16:01 AM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Inequality = Freedom


2 posted on 01/04/2014 9:17:12 AM PST by The Toll
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To: John Semmens

Now THAT’s funny


3 posted on 01/04/2014 9:18:02 AM PST by Safrguns (PM me if you like to play Minecraft!)
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To: The Toll

Crushing Inequality = Slavery


4 posted on 01/04/2014 9:18:49 AM PST by twister881
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To: John Semmens

Small sure to fail ideas from a small, already failed mind.

Goodby NY. Be sure to take the NYT with you when you go under.


5 posted on 01/04/2014 9:18:59 AM PST by Da Coyote
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To: John Semmens

Where was the satire?


6 posted on 01/04/2014 9:21:56 AM PST by FatherofFive (Islam is evil and must be eradicated)
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To: John Semmens

Semi-news / semi-satire, but it’s *total* truth. DiB is a Stalinist, worse even than El Bloombito.


7 posted on 01/04/2014 9:22:43 AM PST by twister881
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To: John Semmens; Revolting cat!; GeronL
The great "equalizer". This is NOT going to turn out well.


8 posted on 01/04/2014 9:23:13 AM PST by a fool in paradise ("Health care is too important to be left to the government.")
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To: John Semmens

Hey! You’re mayor, and I’m not!

Is that equal?

BIG difference between equal treatment under the law and egalitie!


9 posted on 01/04/2014 9:29:10 AM PST by LucianOfSamasota (Tanstaafl - its not just for breakfast anymore...)
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To: a fool in paradise
WIlly Wilhelm di Blah-Blah-Blahsio..will I predict have a STATUE of this Guy Made and instaled in Central Park... as soon as he rids the city of those pesky Horse Drawn Carriages


10 posted on 01/04/2014 9:29:28 AM PST by MeshugeMikey ( a Safe..and Sane....2014 To All!)
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To: John Semmens
Didn't his inauguration ceremony convey an image of aristocracy and have a negative impact on people’s psyches?

The de Blasio's hypocrisy is amazing. But the libs eat this stuff up!

11 posted on 01/04/2014 9:30:35 AM PST by zlala (Thank you for the ultimate sacrifice Capt. Aaron R. Blanchard, KIA 4-23-13, Pul-E-Alam, Afghanistan.)
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To: John Semmens

He won’t rest until everyone has a unicorn!


12 posted on 01/04/2014 9:31:31 AM PST by RoosterRedux (The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing -- Socrates)
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To: John Semmens

N.Y.C. has been trying that for years ,this new guy is jousting Windmills.
The most money poured into Education is in Washington D.C. and for all the money the results are Freightful.


13 posted on 01/04/2014 9:32:24 AM PST by chatham
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To: John Semmens

give the horses carriage rides.....


14 posted on 01/04/2014 9:35:06 AM PST by GotMojo
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To: John Semmens

De Blasio want to force Developers to create affordable housing on Manhattan.

1) Will they build these ‘affordable units’ in Greenwich or the Upper West Side where the 1% reside(Mostly democrats???)

2) Who will pay for the real estate/property taxes for these units??


15 posted on 01/04/2014 9:52:15 AM PST by Le Chien Rouge
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To: John Semmens

They should replace the horse-drawn carriages with rickshaws and hire the homeless to pull them. Just think of the possibilities!


16 posted on 01/04/2014 9:55:26 AM PST by Disambiguator
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To: John Semmens
What Commies mean by "crushing inequality" is to "crush everyone down to the same level of misery."

Sort of like "change." "Change" sounds good until you realize "change" can go either way and still be "change."

17 posted on 01/04/2014 10:04:11 AM PST by E. Pluribus Unum (Who knew that one day professional wrestling would be less fake than professional journalism?)
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To: John Semmens

That clown will be the last to empty out his bank account and equalize things - just your money. Socialist jerk.


18 posted on 01/04/2014 10:27:01 AM PST by Godzilla (3/7/77)
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To: John Semmens

The federal government and many of our largest cities are now controlled by out and out commies formerly the democRAT party. Joe McCarthy,a true patriot, may he RIP, tried to warn us but was ultimately destroyed by the MSM.


19 posted on 01/04/2014 10:30:40 AM PST by kenmcg
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To: John Semmens
There are a lot of horses around here so if this ignorant moron had his way I guess he would destroy the rural lifestyle or sell it all and give it to people who don't and won't work.

You get a great big "SCREW YOU" MR Mayor. There are a lot of people in NYC who have worked hard for their money and will not appreciate you giving it to people who don't and won't work.

Work starts early in life. Going to school for our youth is work that they must do. Staying in school and not getting pregnant is work that they must do. Graduating from high school and attending a free college is work that they must do. Getting a college degree in a marketable skill is work they must do. Maintaining a clean criminal record so they can get a job within their chosen area of education is work they must do. Finding that job and then being on time every day and working hard for advancement is work that they must do.

When your people do not do their work you, MR Mayor, want to take the money from all of those who have done all that work and give it to people who didn't, wouldn't, and haven't. Mr Mayor you want to punish those who have worked the hardest and pamper those who refuse to do the work necessary to succeed. SCREW YOU!!!!!!!

20 posted on 01/04/2014 10:41:53 AM PST by oldenuff2no
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To: Godzilla

Agreed. Yours is the most obvious point: If this millionaire is so concerned about inequality, why not start by distributing his wealth (equally, of course) among NYC’s homeless?


21 posted on 01/04/2014 11:13:49 AM PST by man_in_tx (Blowback (Faithfully farting twowards Mecca five times daily).)
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To: John Semmens

New York City - Detroit on the Hudson........


22 posted on 01/04/2014 11:36:00 AM PST by njslim (St)
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To: John Semmens

Is he going to put Bloomberg’s and his own money where his mouth is?


23 posted on 01/04/2014 11:46:23 AM PST by fella ("As it was before Noah so shall it be again,")
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To: John Semmens

“Crush inequality”?? No more affirmative action? No more quotas? No more PC?


24 posted on 01/04/2014 11:57:09 AM PST by ozzymandus
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To: John Semmens

Would love to see the NYSE move the hell out of New York to a Right to Work state like Indiana.


25 posted on 01/04/2014 2:55:02 PM PST by wetgundog (" Extremism in the Defense of Liberty is no Vice")
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