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DUmmie FUnnies 01-06-14 (Claimant Change: "DUmmie, It's Cold Outside")
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | January 6, 2014 | DUmmie kentuck, DUmmies, and Charles Henrickson

Posted on 01/06/2014 2:09:18 PM PST by Charles Henrickson

Just as it's embarrassing now for the DUmmies to use the term "Obamacare," and so now they just call it the "ACA," so also has it become embarrassing to say "global warming." Since the globe isn't all that warm these days, now the preferred term is "climate change." That can cover just about anything. And that way the facts can't get in the way of their global whining. Witness this THREAD by DUmmie kentuck, "If you believe in global climate change, do you believe the earth is getting warmer or colder?"

But before we get to that thread, let's try to sing some sense into your typical deep-freeze-denying DUmmie. Click the music link and sing along!

DUMMIE, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
Tune: "Baby, It's Cold Outside"

It's warmer each day
(But, DUmmie, it's cold outside)
It must go away
(But, DUmmie, it's cold outside)
This warming has been
(But lately a huge drop in)
Our greatest vice
(Just feel your hands, they're just like ice)

Oh, what will it take to turn us
(Wait while I check the furnace)
And wake us to the truth we ignore
(Listen to the fireplace roar)
The sunbeams will start to burn us
(See how I crank the furnace)
Well, that is what I heard from Al Gore
(Put some blankets down at the door)

The experts all think--
(I'm seeing a St. Bernard)
Say, what's that ice rink?
(No rink, that's just your back yard)
I wish I knew how
(There's ice on the furnace now)
To break the spell
(Just take a chance, I wouldn't tell)

I ought to say it's no colder
(Don't wanna get a cold shoulder)
At least I'm gonna say "climate change"
(Then you make the facts rearrange)

I really can't say
(DUmmie, don't hold out)
Uh, that it's cold outside
(DUmmie, it's cold outside) . . .

I simply must know
(Yo, DUmmie, it's cold outside)
How we got so much snow
('Cause, DUmmie, it's cold outside)
It's hard to combine
(Eight inches--no, make it nine)
Snow, ice, and warm
(Look out the window at that storm)

"You're sinister and seditious!"
(Gosh, you libs are suspicious)
Would DU even show me the door?
(Make waves and make the tolerant sore)
My lib'ral friends can be vicious
(Ooh, you libs are malicious)
And what would I say to Al Gore?
(Never such a blowhard or bore)

I'm covered with snow
(See, DUmmie, I told you so)
It's 20 below
(With ten more degrees to go)
It's really been cold
(Wind chill, something to behold)
But I cannot--
(How can you claim it's getting hot?)

They're gonna call me a traitor
(But lib'rals can't be haters)
At least they will call me a troll
(If you're caught, then just be a mole)

I really can't say
(Get over that holdout) . . .

Uh, but it's cold outside!
(DUmmie, it's cold outside!)

And now on to DUmmies in denial, in Bolsheshivering Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, the wag tailoring the doggerel, Charles Henrickson, looking at about a foot of global warming out my below-zero window, is in the [brackets]:

If you believe in global climate change. . . .

[Global "climate change"?? What happened to global "warming," DUmmie kentuck?]

do you believe the earth is getting warmer or colder?

[Oh, both of course! That way we've got all our bases covered! Hot, cold--who cares? It's change, isn't it?]

[The DUmmies reply . . .]

Is this trying to place Climate change in woo category?

["Woo" is the favored term DU jour for hokum, baloney, BS.]

I hope not...

[Watch it, DUmmie kentuck! DUmmie PowerToThePeople will report you to the powers that be if you dare to question climate change! This is your global warning!]

My answer - Warmer.

[Because I say so!]

It isn't a matter of belief.

[But, but, I BELIEEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!!!!]

The evidence says climate change is happening. . . .

[It's changed, apparently, from global warming to global cooling.]

weather is not climate.

[Has nothing to do with it!]

Climate change means more energy is kept in the atmosphere.

[Climate change means more energy is expended in DUmmieland trying to defend it.]

Many different kinds of weather events occur across the earth. Cold and hot, wet and dry, stormy and calm.

[See? Climate change! And it's our fault! Let's all feel guilty! BAD humans! BAD!!]

The way human induced warming and climate change works is that these occurrences get more extreme and more frequent.

[And what makes it especially tricky is that there's no way to prove it's human-induced! Or that it can be human-reversed! It's insidious, this climate-change stuff!]

There is also the way that polar warming can affect ocean currents . . .

[As shown on a recent documentary on Current TV. No, wait, Al Gore sold that to Al Jazeera, didn't he? Dang!]

and the jet stream . . .

[In which Algore flies his big, fuel-burning jet all across the globe.]

along with the way air moves from land to sea and vice versa.

[Before, it didn't used to do that.]

These occurrences are causing the major problems experienced nowadays across the world.

[Including that big ACA rollout snafu.]

each problem is different . . .

[But it all adds up to one thing: Climate change.]

We see wider and stronger hurricanes. . . .

[Recent news report: "The 2013 Atlantic hurricane season was the first Atlantic hurricane season since 1994 to end with no major hurricanes, and the first since 1968 to feature no storms of at least category 2 intensity."]

i would think regionally cold winters would be a result of arctic melting. hotter summer means more melting means more cold water entering the oceans means cold winter...?...not a scientist.

[I gathered that.]

Ok, let me try to untangle this for you. . . .

[Oh, alright now! DUmmie nadinbrzezinski--aka Know-it-all Nadin, the World's Foremost Authority--steps in to untangle all this for us. Go ahead, Nadin, please enlighten us.]

That is part of what was predicted.

[Nadin TOLD us this would happen. But did we listen to her? No! As usual. And now we're paying the price.]

Weather and climate are two different critters.

[There's a crittercal difference!]

Gravity has nothing to do with this. . . .

[Rule that right out.]

While we are getting pulled in, the planet has a speed and centrifugal force is in perfect balance, keeping the planet at a stable orbit.

[I did not know that, Nadin. I thought we were getting sucked into the sun, and that's why it's getting warmer. Climate-wise, I mean. Not talking about the weather.]

Yes the orbit is not completely circular. . . .

[You're kidding! Somebody call Ripley!]

so during the winter it is closer to the sun. . . .

[That's why it's so warm right now.]

In the scales of humans we will not even notice, without advanced equipment.

[We need the good rig.]

There are literally oodles of research on this.

[Literal oodles. Check the google on this, like Nadin does.]

[Thank you, Nadin, you have cleared it all up. We are not worthy.]

The distance between the earth and the sun is not changing . . .

[Whew! I'm so glad! Thanks, DUmmie Salviati, for confirming what Nadin just told us--although, of course, if Nadin says it, it's got to be true!]

with the caveat that if the big rip theory is true, then eventually in the far far flung future, the solar system, the earth, and our very atoms will be ripped apart, but if this were to be the case, we would start to see it's effects locally only a short time before our doom.

[Ruh roh. Now I'm worried.]

Isn't that caveat, IIRC, ten BILLION into the future? I am going from memory here.

[Nadin doesn't need the google on THAT one! Ten billion it is! Start stocking up your fallout shelter!]

Twenty actually. . . .

[Oh, thanks for that, DUmmie Salviati, I can relax a bit. But not too much.]

No worries, the sun will be an ex star by then anyhow.

[Nadin assures Salviati that she needed no correction. The ex-star business makes it a moot point.]

Holy sh*t Nadin. That was pretty much exactly right. Close enough anyway. I can't tell you how tickled I am to be able to say that about one of your posts. Nice job.

[Hee, hee! I detect a note of sarcasm there, DUmmie tkmorris! Say, you aren't one of them bullies, are you? If so, TO THE IGGY LIST WITH YOU!]

Your concepts of astronomy are a bit off. For one, the earth is always falling toward the sun.

[Make up your mind! I've got to know if it's worth planning my vacation!]

the hydrologic cycle is a major mechanism for restributing heat in the atmosphere.

[The lackologic cycle is a major mechanism for redistributing hot air in DUmmieland.]

Like magnetism and gravity, it is not something you get to believe in or not. . . . It bugs the sh*t outta me that "do you believe in evolution", or "do you believe in global warming" are perfectly legitimate questions to ask. . . .

[I believe in the evolution of "global warming" to "climate change."]

No need to discuss it any further. It is written is stone.

[DUmmie kentuck knows when he's been silenced. And if he keeps on, it will be written in tombstone.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: climatechange; dufu; dummie; dummiefunnies; dummies; globalwarming
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
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The real cause of global warming:


1 posted on 01/06/2014 2:09:18 PM PST by Charles Henrickson
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To: PJ-Comix; Xenalyte; RMDupree; AlexW; CzarNicky; Mike Fieschko; motzman; codercpc; thingumbob; ...
01 -06 -14

There's your Three-Day Forecast!

PING!

2 posted on 01/06/2014 2:11:31 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (The wag tailoring the doggerel)
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To: Charles Henrickson

TT, BTR


3 posted on 01/06/2014 2:12:07 PM PST by Cletus.D.Yokel (Catastrophic Anthropogenic Climate Alterations: The acronym defines the science.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Someone should add what’s going on in Valley Forge and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, it’s dead freezing here too, and the 3 hours of above freezing temperatures hardly helped here too. I just hope too many people aren’t stuck on the philly streets at night, at about 5-10 degrees Fahrenheit, well, that would be %^&$


4 posted on 01/06/2014 2:12:26 PM PST by Morpheus2009
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To: Charles Henrickson
cold HOW can this BE?


5 posted on 01/06/2014 2:12:26 PM PST by MeshugeMikey ( a Safe..and Sane....2014 To All!)
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To: Charles Henrickson; cripplecreek

:: Tune: “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” ::

One of the “sexiest” winter tunes I know...


6 posted on 01/06/2014 2:13:27 PM PST by Cletus.D.Yokel (Catastrophic Anthropogenic Climate Alterations: The acronym defines the science.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Orbital mechanics as explained by Mr. Rogers to a class of cargo-cult brachycephalics. Check that, Fred had a better grasp on it than these morons.


7 posted on 01/06/2014 2:16:15 PM PST by Billthedrill
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To: Charles Henrickson

Charles, there isn’t one quote there that isn’t certifiable. Seriously!


8 posted on 01/06/2014 2:17:02 PM PST by poobear (Socialism in the minds of the elites, is a con-game for the serfs, nothing more.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Oh. Oh. Top 10!


9 posted on 01/06/2014 2:18:06 PM PST by Incorrigible (If I lead, follow me; If I pause, push me; If I retreat, kill me.)
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To: Charles Henrickson
Professor Al Gives Comfort To The DUmmies!

“Just because it snows in winter doesn’t mean the planet isn’t getting warmer.”

10 posted on 01/06/2014 2:18:33 PM PST by TexasCajun
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To: Charles Henrickson
 photo iceboatcopy_zps3fbe56eb.jpg
11 posted on 01/06/2014 2:23:35 PM PST by Zeneta
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To: Charles Henrickson

Apparently some of the DUmmies think that the southern hemisphere is on a different planet. It is summer down there and winter up here, is that too complicated for them?


12 posted on 01/06/2014 2:23:48 PM PST by GeronL (Extra Large Cheesy Over-Stuffed Hobbit)
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To: Charles Henrickson
We see wider and stronger hurricanes. . . .

I got an email ad that promised to make my hurricane wider and stronger but most girls don't like em that thick.
13 posted on 01/06/2014 2:25:02 PM PST by cripplecreek (REMEMBER THE RIVER RAISIN!)
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To: Zeneta

That is summer time at the balmy beach.


14 posted on 01/06/2014 2:25:44 PM PST by GeronL (Extra Large Cheesy Over-Stuffed Hobbit)
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To: GeronL

What would really screw them up is the knowledge that the earth is closer to the sun when it’s winter in the northern hemisphere. Our winter coincides with perigee when the earth is nearly 4 million miles closer to the sun.


15 posted on 01/06/2014 2:28:04 PM PST by cripplecreek (REMEMBER THE RIVER RAISIN!)
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To: Charles Henrickson
Climate change means more energy is kept in the atmosphere.

What the fricking heck!

That has got to be the dumbest thing I have read today. Considering how often the climate has shifted on this planet if change caused the atmosphere to retain still more energy then the atmosphere would have reached a energy saturation point multiple millena ago.

16 posted on 01/06/2014 2:36:36 PM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (Proud Infidel, Gun Nut, Religious Fanatic and Freedom Fiend)
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To: cripplecreek

Now you are just going to confuse them. You are saying those record ice flows in Antarctica are 4 million miles warmer than winter at the northern ice cap?


17 posted on 01/06/2014 2:37:53 PM PST by GeronL (Extra Large Cheesy Over-Stuffed Hobbit)
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To: GeronL

Yup.

PERIGEE BABY!


18 posted on 01/06/2014 2:44:01 PM PST by cripplecreek (REMEMBER THE RIVER RAISIN!)
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To: cripplecreek

“Walkin’ On The Sun”

It ain’t no joke I’d like to buy the world a toke

And teach the world to sing in perfect harmony
And teach the world to snuff the fires and the liars

Hey I know it’s just a song but it’s spice for the recipe
This is a love attack I know it went out but it’s back.

It’s just like any fad it retracts before impact
And just like fashion it’s a passion for the with it and hip
If you got the goods they’ll come and buy it just to stay in the clique

Snip

You might as well be walking on the Sun.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQj—Kjn0z8


19 posted on 01/06/2014 2:44:48 PM PST by Zeneta
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To: cripplecreek

lol


20 posted on 01/06/2014 2:45:23 PM PST by GeronL (Extra Large Cheesy Over-Stuffed Hobbit)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Daylight Savings Time is bad. That extra hour of sunlight is what causes global warming.


21 posted on 01/06/2014 3:07:37 PM PST by Veggie Todd (I don't always talk to Obama voters, but when I do I ask for Large Fries.)
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To: cripplecreek

1/4/14 was this year’s perihelion (Lotto didn’t pan out ;)

And correspondingly, aphelion (max.D) occurs on the 4th of July.


22 posted on 01/06/2014 3:14:09 PM PST by mikrofon (GW Independence Day)
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To: Cletus.D.Yokel
Global warming sure looks a lot like Hoth. Now I gotta go find a tauntaun and crawl inside.


23 posted on 01/06/2014 3:17:56 PM PST by cripplecreek (REMEMBER THE RIVER RAISIN!)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Here’s your five day forecast:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbHW1T7boSc

Dogs and cats, living together...


24 posted on 01/06/2014 3:26:52 PM PST by Choose Ye This Day (Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy. -- Churchill)
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To: Charles Henrickson
While we are getting pulled in, the planet has a speed and centrifugal
force is in perfect balance, keeping the planet at a stable orbit

The Michael Corleone Effect

25 posted on 01/06/2014 3:34:26 PM PST by mikrofon (Earth's Orbituary)
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To: Charles Henrickson
In the scales of humans we will not even notice, without advanced equipment

Nearly undetectably, GW is also causing our devolution into lizards ...

26 posted on 01/06/2014 3:40:43 PM PST by mikrofon (You say you're in for Evolution, we-ell, you know...)
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To: Charles Henrickson
Many different kinds of weather events occur across the earth. Cold and hot, wet and dry, stormy and calm.

We call that "four seasons". Winter, spring, summer and fall. Just think there may be a time when we have no seasons. That would really tick the DUmmies off.

27 posted on 01/06/2014 4:16:51 PM PST by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Veggie Todd
Daylight Savings Time is bad. That extra hour of sunlight is what causes global warming.

I actually got into a discussion with a dummie who believed that to be a fact. No use arguing with idiots on that subject. His IQ was probably the total of the dots on one dice.

28 posted on 01/06/2014 4:21:22 PM PST by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: GeronL
Apparently some of the DUmmies think that the southern hemisphere is on a different planet.

A flagrant outburst of Surophobia. NadinNortEffski needs to be tombstoned.

29 posted on 01/06/2014 4:51:18 PM PST by FredZarguna (Das is nicht richtig nur falsch. Das ist nicht einmal falsch.)
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To: FredZarguna

Are you gonna make me look up Surophobia? lol


30 posted on 01/06/2014 4:53:09 PM PST by GeronL (Extra Large Cheesy Over-Stuffed Hobbit)
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To: FredZarguna

I did. lol


31 posted on 01/06/2014 4:54:09 PM PST by GeronL (Extra Large Cheesy Over-Stuffed Hobbit)
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To: mikrofon

July 4th? WTF?! Clearly Summer is an imperialist season in el Norte.


32 posted on 01/06/2014 4:54:27 PM PST by FredZarguna (Das is nicht richtig nur falsch. Das ist nicht einmal falsch.)
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To: Arrowhead1952
Just think there may be a time when we have no seasons.

OMG! That has already started happening at 0o latitude.


33 posted on 01/06/2014 5:02:06 PM PST by FredZarguna (Das is nicht richtig nur falsch. Das ist nicht einmal falsch.)
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To: GeronL

Sur is a little Spanish lingo for “South.” Clearly Nadin is a Notresupremacist.


34 posted on 01/06/2014 5:03:42 PM PST by FredZarguna (Das is nicht richtig nur falsch. Das ist nicht einmal falsch.)
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To: FredZarguna

lol

Saurophobia is fear of 4 legged dinosaurs I think...


35 posted on 01/06/2014 5:24:36 PM PST by GeronL (Extra Large Cheesy Over-Stuffed Hobbit)
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To: FredZarguna
 photo oh-noes-everybody-panicalgore_zps98669e0d.gif
36 posted on 01/06/2014 6:20:47 PM PST by FredZarguna (Das is nicht richtig nur falsch. Das ist nicht einmal falsch.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

These global cooling deniers are so quaint.


37 posted on 01/06/2014 7:13:39 PM PST by Newtoidaho
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To: Arrowhead1952

Come to San Diego.

We do have mountains to the east where it snows, sometimes, and you can visit it if you wish. A not-so-much-followed-today tradition was to go to the mountains (IF we had snow) in your pickup truck. After sledding around for awhile, you would load up the back of your pickup with snow (using a regular shovel — we don’t have snow shovels here — it’s against the law.)

Then you would build a snowman in your front yard, and everyone would guess how long it would take for it to melt. Sometimes it gets down to the 30’s and 40’s, so it could take awhile.

Also, if you REALLY miss the snow and don’t want to drive to the mountains, every winter Seaworld has its “Snow World at Seaworld” promotion. There you can have your snowball fights to your hearts content and later watch Shamu try to scarf down one of his trainers!


38 posted on 01/06/2014 7:28:43 PM PST by stisidore (MM, let's see here)
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To: Charles Henrickson

DUmmie 5 day forecast: miserable with 100% chance of being outraged. Just the way they like it!


39 posted on 01/06/2014 7:41:16 PM PST by Roscoe Karns
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To: Charles Henrickson
so during the winter it is closer to the sun. . . .

Ummm...wait...when it's winter in the Northern Hemisphere, it's summer in the Southern Hemisphere, and vice versa. So...the earth is closer to the sun, like, half the year?

40 posted on 01/06/2014 8:11:04 PM PST by Purrcival (Four more years of OBAMA??????????? I hope this country can survive.)
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To: Charles Henrickson
["Woo" is the favored term DU jour for hokum, baloney, BS.]

Is it, now? I'd like to hear more about its origins, because on the surface is sounds quite wog-bashingly racist.

41 posted on 01/07/2014 4:24:27 AM PST by kevkrom (I'm not an unreasonable man... well, actually, I am. But hear me out anyway.)
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To: cripplecreek

You know what’s funny is the fact that I thought that the film, “Day After Tommorrow” where Global Warming causes a flash freeze and ice age, was fiction, but I guess the director may have been on to something there...


42 posted on 01/07/2014 5:32:34 AM PST by Morpheus2009
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

I want to call the AGW guys a bunch of liars, for failing to predict freezing antifreeze today and -5 degrees F this morning in Valley Forge, PA.

Jerks.


43 posted on 01/07/2014 5:35:20 AM PST by Morpheus2009
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To: Morpheus2009
but I guess the director may have been on to something there...

Oh yeah, he was on to something....... something like $100million in box office sales for a movie with a topic that idiots fall for hook, line and sinker.
I'm guessing also that the producers of the movie owned stock in companies that make squiggly light bulbs or other such "green" horsecrap.

DUmmies and peacenick hippies have always said that Conservatives use FEAR MONGERING to sell the American public on wars so that the "military complex" can profit from them.
Then those same hippies buy every 'green' product they can find because the owner of a billion dollar 'green' company told them that we are all going to die if he doesn't buy their product.
Go figure....
44 posted on 01/07/2014 6:12:21 AM PST by envisio (Its on like Donkey Kong!)
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To: Charles Henrickson
Charles, your commentary on DU's global warming idiocy is one of your all-time best IMHO. I read it twice and laughed even more the 2nd time.
45 posted on 01/07/2014 9:19:12 AM PST by epow
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To: PJ-Comix; Xenalyte; RMDupree; AlexW; CzarNicky; Mike Fieschko; motzman; codercpc; thingumbob; ...
PING!

There's been more activity on this thread since we last spoke, enough to warrant a "Part Two" mini-DUFU.

The first comment comes from Nadin:

it is getting warmer. . . . increasing energy . . . a heating atmosphere. That would be climactic change.

["Climactic" change. Nadin has noticed increasing energy, she's heating up, and she's about to reach a climax.]

Scientific consensus by the vast majority of scinentiests indicates global warming caused by human.

[Alright, which one of you did it? We're not leaving this room until somebody fesses up. The scinentiests want to know.]

Before the rise of the AGW paradigm the 80s/90s, variations in solar activity were generally considered as the most influential factor on climate change. IMO, AGW is exaggerated or insignificant at the best. The certainty is fake and bullied. It's not a conspiracy. It's simply profiteering and ironically, no significant reductions in CO2 emissions are achieved by any proposed or implemented policy.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

soon enough, we'll be gone.

[Promise?]

another race of (presumably) intelligent beings will take our place.

[Intelligent beings to replace the DUmmies. I like it!]

who gives a sh*t, we are not doing jack about it anyhow.

[But, but, I thought Obamassiah was going to heal the oceans!

Well, he's got three more years to go, and I'm sure it's on his "To Do" list.]

The climate on earth has always been changing and always will change.

[NO! NO! THIS CANNOT BE! THE CLIMATE MUST ALWAYS STAY EXACTLY THE SAME! I CAN'T HEEEEAAAAR YOUUUU!!!!!!! LALALALALA. . . . .]

Definitely a believer in climate change. Whether colder or warmer, I'm still not real sure of. But yeah...there's something weird going on.

[DUmmie pipi_k, you've convinced me. The evidence you present is overwhelming. I bow to your brilliance.]

46 posted on 01/07/2014 5:32:13 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (Global whining.)
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To: Purrcival
So...the earth is closer to the sun, like, half the year?

Yes, it's actually a little closer half the year. The Earth's orbit is not a perfect circle, it's a nearly circular ellipse, with the Sun at one of the foci.

47 posted on 01/07/2014 6:09:37 PM PST by Cyber Liberty (H.L. Mencken: "The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.")
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To: Charles Henrickson
it is getting warmer. . . . increasing energy . . . a heating atmosphere. That would be climactic change

With the northern "Polar Vortex" being disrupted due to AGW, wouldn't these changes be climarctic ??

48 posted on 01/07/2014 6:11:29 PM PST by mikrofon (Nadin's replies are Anticlimarctic -- the thread starts going south...)
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To: Charles Henrickson

I think pipi’s comment is irregardlessly undeletable. And you may quote me, sir.


49 posted on 01/07/2014 6:15:31 PM PST by Cyber Liberty (H.L. Mencken: "The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.")
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To: Charles Henrickson

so top ten on the new du posts?


50 posted on 01/07/2014 7:05:28 PM PST by Mercat
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