The Secret to a Long Life

Reaganite Republican ^ | 27 January 2014 | Reaganite Republican

[Reaganite Republican]

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the the nice lady above...

She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said:  "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?" 

"I smoke ten cigars a day, she said. Then, before I go to bed,
I smoke a big, fat joint!

Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I do other drugs, have sex and, most importantly--
I don't exercise at all." 

"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"

"Forty" she replied.

[Reaganite Republican]

***ping***

[The Working Man]

Drum roll please... Yeah we know you’ll be here all week. And the Sushi bar is amazing. Try it our folks.

[basil]

LOL!

Ya got me!

[The Working Man]

our = out

[JoeProBono]

[alloysteel]

Spend every day of your life as if it were your last day on earth.

Someday, you’ll be right.

Remember, the death rate is the same all over the world.

One per person.

[Leo58]

Great laugh to start the day!

[spokeshave]

Here's another one that won't live past 40....

[VerySadAmerican]

An old man walked up to a receptionist in a doctor’s office. She asked “Why do you need to see the doctor?

The old man replied “My dick won’t work.”

The receptionist scolded him for speaking like that in front of the entire office and said “You should have said something else then you could have told the doctor what’s really wrong.”

He said “Well, you asked” and left the office. A few minutes later he came back in and the receptionist said “Okay, why do you need to see the doctor.

The old man replied “It’s my ear.”

The receptionist asked “What’s wrong with your ear?”

The old man said “I can’t piss out of it.”

[Vendome]

LOL

Had me going...