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First Lady Calls for More Stringent Food Regulations
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 1 March 2014 | John Semmens

Posted on 03/02/2014 9:50:58 AM PST by John Semmens

Claiming that “America’s moms are confused and bewildered by the task of selecting from a wide array of non-standardized options when it comes to feeding their families,” First Lady Michelle Obama made a plea for more rigorous government control over what’s available for purchase.

“Reading the labels of multiple alternatives for a single food item is, at best, time consuming,” Michelle complained. “Understanding these labels is also daunting. Is there any mom who can be expected to know how to choose wisely?”

The First Lady suggested that “if nutrition experts were to oversee what’s available we could simplify the process of shopping by eliminating the redundancies of stocking more than one product for each food item. Rather than having to weigh which of a half-dozen cans of beans to buy, the shopper could simply decide whether to buy the only available can that has been certified as the best by the experts.”

“Businesses would also benefit from not having to stock so many items,” she added. “This will save time in purchasing inventory. It will reduce the shelf space needed and lower the real estate costs of grocery stores. If we could convert the unneeded floor space into an area for calisthenics the time moms saved by not having to read product labels could be invested in aerobic exercise that would be of far better benefit to their health.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://constitutionclub.org/2014/03/01/semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-76/


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: nannystate; obama; satire; tyranny
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1 posted on 03/02/2014 9:50:58 AM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Oh, please!

I enjoy the “bewildering” array of foods I have to choose from.

In fact, I’m not bewildered at all.

I don’t need communist busybodies like Moochelle and her minions to tell me what, how, when, and how much to eat.


2 posted on 03/02/2014 9:52:50 AM PST by Westbrook (Children do not divide your love, they multiply it.)
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To: John Semmens
Nothing is worse than a disbarred lawyer telling us what is and isn't healthy to eat. What is MooChelle’s experience in nutrition and science or was it all affirmative action?
3 posted on 03/02/2014 9:52:55 AM PST by vetvetdoug
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To: John Semmens

Why does she just be quiet and eat her 10 big mac’s, 5 large fries,3 big gulps and 6 apple pies?


4 posted on 03/02/2014 9:54:48 AM PST by chiefqc
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To: John Semmens

I realize this is satire, but in Michelle’s world, she probably knows plenty who can’t read a label on a soup can or Special K box. Maybe we need some Obamacare navigators stationed at grocery stores to help us avoid making “bad choices.”


5 posted on 03/02/2014 9:55:12 AM PST by Sioux-san
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To: John Semmens

I know that this is satire but seriously, Mr. Mercat and I usually don’t buy packaged foods which means we don’t have to read labels. Latest though is our quest to find sugar free peanut butter for my diet. I’m going to have to go to one of those hippy dippy health food stores like Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods.


6 posted on 03/02/2014 9:55:13 AM PST by Mercat
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To: John Semmens

Don’t give her any more ideas, Semi News!!


7 posted on 03/02/2014 9:56:46 AM PST by Polyxene (Out of the depths I have cried to Thee, O Lord; Lord, hear my voice.)
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To: John Semmens

“Claiming that “America’s moms are confused and bewildered by the task of selecting from a wide array of non-standardized options when it comes to feeding their families,”

American moms are too stupid to know how to feed their own families so in swoops Big Brother to “educate” them on it.


8 posted on 03/02/2014 9:56:47 AM PST by FAA
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To: Westbrook

In Michelle Obama’s dream world - the old Soviet Union - people did not have to worry about which food to choose for their families, just which line actually led to food.


9 posted on 03/02/2014 9:57:18 AM PST by reg45 (Barack 0bama: Implementing class warfare by having no class.)
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To: John Semmens

Soylent Green would solve a LOT of problems when it comes to what The Unwashed Masses should be eating! *SMIRK*


10 posted on 03/02/2014 9:59:29 AM PST by Diana in Wisconsin (I don't have 'Hobbies.' I'm developing a robust Post-Apocalyptic skill set...)
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To: Mercat

Trader Joe’s is not nearly as bad as Whole Foods form my experience. Depending on the store they may be able to order items like that to avoid said hippie stores. The larger chains usually have items available for order that may not normally be stocked at one store, but is at others.


11 posted on 03/02/2014 10:00:37 AM PST by matt04
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To: Mercat

Mercat! Good Old Smuckers makes a good ‘natural’ peanut butter. Not sure of the sugar content, though it tastes a million times less sweet than Jif or store brands. :)


12 posted on 03/02/2014 10:01:32 AM PST by Diana in Wisconsin (I don't have 'Hobbies.' I'm developing a robust Post-Apocalyptic skill set...)
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To: John Semmens
Rather than having to weigh which of a half-dozen cans of beans to buy, the shopper could simply decide whether to buy the only available can that has been certified as the best by the experts.”

LOL! (Of course, all that unapproved lobster would be delivered to the back door at 1600 PA Ave to feed the Moose.)

Good one John, even if it rings of the State stores in the USSR...

13 posted on 03/02/2014 10:02:53 AM PST by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing.)
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To: vetvetdoug
Nothing is worse than a disbarred lawyer telling us what is and isn't healthy to eat.

I despise Moochelle as much as the next guy, but she was not disbarred. See e.g.

BJ Clinton was disbarred, of course, yet he remains a Dem icon.

14 posted on 03/02/2014 10:09:58 AM PST by KevinB (Barack Hussein Obama: Proof-positive that affirmative action does not work.)
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To: John Semmens

Think about it most low information voters can’t make heads or tails on food labels due to their superb educations from the American public school system run by the liberals.


15 posted on 03/02/2014 10:10:02 AM PST by dowcaet
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To: John Semmens

Leftists think people are too stupid to be allowed to make their own choices. I know this is satire but it hits them at home.


16 posted on 03/02/2014 10:11:19 AM PST by GeronL (Vote for Conservatives not for Republicans!)
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To: John Semmens

Though, of course, satirical; this is so frigging typical. Confusing (they’re not, for anyone with the common sense of a rock)food choices demand more confusing regulations. It’s so spot on, it’s ridiculous. Good one!!


17 posted on 03/02/2014 10:12:28 AM PST by 98ZJ USMC
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To: John Semmens

Not sure what the problem is. The Progressive Schools turn out Children who are functionally Illiterate.

They couldn’t read or understand the Labels anyway, but they do know that you spell Free “EBT”.


18 posted on 03/02/2014 10:13:06 AM PST by Kickass Conservative (Nobody owes you a living, so shut up and get back to work...)
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To: John Semmens

Wow, a “liberal” calling for more government, more regulation, less freedom... Why don’t these people just get real and start calling themselves fascists, that’s what they really are.


19 posted on 03/02/2014 10:14:20 AM PST by ThunderSleeps (Stop obarma now! Stop the hussein - insane agenda!)
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To: Kickass Conservative

One other thing, I wish John’s Postings were a little more Sarcastic. Reality is catching up to him. LOL


20 posted on 03/02/2014 10:14:22 AM PST by Kickass Conservative (Nobody owes you a living, so shut up and get back to work...)
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To: John Semmens
"There's too much freedom going on out there!"
21 posted on 03/02/2014 10:23:38 AM PST by E. Pluribus Unum (If Barack Hussein Obama entertains a thought that he does not verbalize, is it still a lie?)
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To: John Semmens

Half expected to read reference to her two fisting snack wings and ribs.


22 posted on 03/02/2014 10:30:24 AM PST by Darksheare (Try my coffee, first one's free..... Even robots will kill for it!)
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To: Sioux-san

NO, but they darn sure can read an EBT card and know exactly what it will buy.


23 posted on 03/02/2014 10:31:48 AM PST by miele man
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To: John Semmens

No one elected this woman to office.


24 posted on 03/02/2014 10:32:34 AM PST by plainshame
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To: vetvetdoug
Nothing is worse than a disbarred lawyer telling us what is and isn't healthy to eat.


25 posted on 03/02/2014 10:33:40 AM PST by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.)
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To: John Semmens
John, when did you stop doing satire?

;)

26 posted on 03/02/2014 10:37:38 AM PST by Michael.SF. (I never thought anyone could make Jimmy Carter look good in comparison.)
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To: John Semmens

Since when did Moochelle become a lawmaker?

Following the lead of her wife I see.


27 posted on 03/02/2014 10:42:09 AM PST by unixfox (Abolish Slavery, Repeal the 16th Amendment)
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To: Mercat
Latest though is our quest to find sugar free peanut butter for my diet.

Why don't you just make your own? If you have a food processor it only takes about 15 minutes and most of that time is spent roasting the peanuts.
28 posted on 03/02/2014 10:46:10 AM PST by Nonsense Unlimited
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Make Today, Day 61 the day!

29 posted on 03/02/2014 10:48:21 AM PST by RedMDer (May we always be happy and may our enemies always know it. - Sarah Palin, 10-18-2010)
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To: John Semmens

That fat ugly slob should shut up about food!


30 posted on 03/02/2014 10:56:47 AM PST by dalereed
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To: Mercat
Latest though is our quest to find sugar free peanut butter for my diet. I’m going to have to go to one of those hippy dippy health food stores like Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods.

Give this a try.


31 posted on 03/02/2014 10:58:32 AM PST by caveat emptor (!)
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To: John Semmens

"Don't be confused!! Just eat it, like this."

32 posted on 03/02/2014 11:04:35 AM PST by aMorePerfectUnion
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To: John Semmens

Michelle complained. “Understanding these labels is also daunting. Is there any mom who can be expected to know how to choose wisely?”

Maybe she should have it printed in “Obo-onics”


33 posted on 03/02/2014 11:05:40 AM PST by primatreat ("I suffer too" .My Obamacare medical plan ($350/month) being taken out of MY SSI check SUCKS!)
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

Damm... She could get a ground hog in that mouth!


34 posted on 03/02/2014 11:07:14 AM PST by primatreat ("I suffer too" .My Obamacare medical plan ($350/month) being taken out of MY SSI check SUCKS!)
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To: John Semmens

Another work of art, John!
Gubment beans to go with your gubment cheese.


35 posted on 03/02/2014 11:08:00 AM PST by Fireone (Impeach and imprison, NOW! Treason and murder are still crimes.)
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To: caveat emptor

Actually I”m remembering back now to when I was a hippy. I think I did make my own. LOL I have a food processor. I’ll buy them pre roasted though.


36 posted on 03/02/2014 11:16:14 AM PST by Mercat
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To: John Semmens

You know things are bad when even the most absurd satire sounds like aiding and abetting.


37 posted on 03/02/2014 11:24:51 AM PST by Talisker (One who commands, must obey.)
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To: John Semmens

How about hiding food from her so she can get rid of some of that fat!


38 posted on 03/02/2014 11:25:56 AM PST by laweeks
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To: John Semmens
I hate it when the store owner eliminates my favorite brand of something.
But that's his right. I can complain or I can go to another store.
If the feds limit my selections, there is no one to complain to and nowhere in the country to go instead.

I bet there would be a very strong correlation between political connections and the sanctioned brands but a very weak link with nutritional merit.

39 posted on 03/02/2014 11:30:55 AM PST by BitWielder1 (Corporate Profits are better than Government Waste)
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To: John Semmens
Who appointed Moochelle Dietary Czarina?

Photobucket


40 posted on 03/02/2014 11:40:24 AM PST by Dick Bachert (Ignorance is NOT BLISS. It is the ROAD TO SERFDOM! We're on a ROAD TRIP!!)
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To: FAA
Have you ever watched women food shop, stop, look, ponder, read the label, put it back, ponder, read the label again, hold in hand, ponder, buy or not buy. It is the quizzical look that all women have when pondering trying to derive mystical information from a box that I find amazing.

I go in with a menu buy what I need and get out.

41 posted on 03/02/2014 11:43:20 AM PST by Little Bill
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To: John Semmens

You got me again. It’s just too hard to tell anymore!


42 posted on 03/02/2014 11:59:36 AM PST by Ellendra ("Laws were most numerous when the Commonwealth was most corrupt." -Tacitus)
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To: Mercat
Latest though is our quest to find sugar free peanut butter for my diet. I’m going to have to go to one of those hippy dippy health food stores like Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods.

Depending on how long your diet will last (3-week slimdown or permanant change?) you could make your own with a good sturdy food processor.
43 posted on 03/02/2014 12:02:06 PM PST by Ellendra ("Laws were most numerous when the Commonwealth was most corrupt." -Tacitus)
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To: Mercat
Whoops, I see I wasn't the first to say that. Sorry for the repetition!
44 posted on 03/02/2014 12:11:24 PM PST by Ellendra ("Laws were most numerous when the Commonwealth was most corrupt." -Tacitus)
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To: Little Bill

I admit to doing that myself, but usually because some brand that I used to like decided to start adding something I’m allergic to. Since what I’m allergic to can go by many different names, it really can be confusing.

Eventually, I’m just going to have to grow everything I eat.


45 posted on 03/02/2014 12:15:32 PM PST by Ellendra ("Laws were most numerous when the Commonwealth was most corrupt." -Tacitus)
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To: Ellendra

I see it mostly in younger women, the ones with 3 or 4 crumb crunchers, I think motherhood is coming back in style among younger white women in my area.

I cook from scratch and generally look for freshness. I found out many years ago that it takes about the same amount of time to cook from scratch than to open a can.

It is funny to watch people shop but then again I am old.


46 posted on 03/02/2014 12:28:59 PM PST by Little Bill
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To: Diana in Wisconsin; Mercat

Adams 100% Natural Peanut Butter (regular or crunchy, salted or unsalted) is 100% natural (just peanuts and maybe salt), and it is made by Smuckers. It is available at “regular” grocery stores (i.e. Safeway).


47 posted on 03/02/2014 12:39:10 PM PST by thecodont
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To: John Semmens

Speak for yourself, Michelle. We need no more food rules from you or Washington.


48 posted on 03/02/2014 12:45:52 PM PST by jch10 (John Beohner has got to be removed from the Speaker position.)
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To: John Semmens
Who appointed Moochelle Dietary Czarina?

Photobucket


49 posted on 03/02/2014 1:40:09 PM PST by Dick Bachert (Ignorance is NOT BLISS. It is the ROAD TO SERFDOM! We're on a ROAD TRIP!!)
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To: Mercat

Make it yourself at home in the food processor.

Peanuts, peanut oil, salt.


50 posted on 03/02/2014 3:05:59 PM PST by NOVACPA
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