Skip to comments.The 57 Best Conspiracy Theories I Heard At New Jersey’s 55th Annual UFO Conference
Posted on 04/15/2014 7:58:42 PM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet
I went to the New Jersey Paranormal and Consciousness Conference last weekend. Here are the theories I heard, ranked worst to best.
57. The CIA controls the New York Times, the Washington Post, other reputable leading newspapers, and some academics.
56. David Rockefeller put every president from Ford onward into the White House.
55. The Aspen Institute is the open Bilderberg. (idk what this means)
54. CERN, the The European Organization for Nuclear Research, has a logo that looks like 666 in a twist. (Not NOT true.)
53. They are trying to recreate the Big Bang.
52. We are placated by the NFL, and also Dancing with the Stars.
51. Soon 3D printing will be able to 3D print a being.
50. The Biblical flood took place in 2400 B.C.E.
49. English occultist Aleister Crowley let the demon Lam into our world through an inter-dimensional portal, via Satanic ritual.
48. Later, Crowleys portal, located at Area 51, was enlarged by rocket scientist Jack Parsons and L. Ron Hubbard. This began the modern UFO era.
47. This is not the same inter-dimensional portal that was located on the top of The Tower of Babel. But theyre related.
46. The Earth is roamed by shadow people who only leave in the name of Jesus.
45. Millions of people in the U.S. today worship Lucifer.
44. One-third of heavenly angels fell with Lucifer, and became demons. These demons are getting onto Earth via the inter-dimensional portals.
43. Demons dress up in bio-suits that look like what we think of as grey, black-eyed aliens.
42. Fallen angels mated with humans once, but NOT twice. This information is presented on a PowerPoint slide titled 5 Reasons Why I Do Not Believe There Was A Second Incursion of Fallen Angels. Id badge this BuzzFeed list SMH and TRASHY.
41. Zeus was not an angel. Zeus was a Hero of Old. (?)
40. Goliath was a descendant of Zeus.
39. The Garden of Eden was located in what is now Göbekli Tepe, in Turkey.
38. A book called The Urantia Book, whose authors are angels, and which has a blue cover, inspired the name of the now-defunct Project Blue Book, the Air Force program that investigated UFO reports.
37. Mount Hermon is tied to alien-demons, which we know because its topography, symbolic of Satan, is in the shape of a goat. I can definitely see it, once the guy who tells us this draws the outline of a goat over the map.
36. People used to be as tall as 150-foot cedar trees.
35. But the worldwide average height for giants is 15-18 feet.
34. Klerksdorp spheres are evidence of intelligent life on other planets. Everyone agrees they also look like the Death Star.
33. Human DNA is 7% alien. (Because theyve been hooking up with us.)
32. We know this because human DNA has evolved in a greater rate during the last 5000 years than any period before it.
31. Aliens are bio-engineered to have huge brains and tiny bodies because they dont need most other functions, like strength or sex organs. (Note: must be finding other ways to hook up.)
30. Aliens speak telepathically with humans, and can induce total neurological control.
29. Earth was originally populated by an alien species called the Atlantians, who were chased here by another alien population. They developed human slaves, who became too smart; we are their second, successful attempt. :(
28. These aliens are currently creating hybrids from the flora and fauna including unicorns, minotaurs, and reptilians.
27. Aliens set up grids around sporting events and movie theaters to soak up nerves and fear, which they use as energy.
26. A million people are abducted by aliens per week.
25. The Men In Black are real, non-human, and non-government agents, despite cultural lore. Theyre five feet tall, pale, sickly-looking, and wear all black.
24. The Men in Black are maybe vampires.
23. The MIB call people and hang up before they can answer. (Ive been getting a lot of No Caller ID calls over the past few days, I realize. But the next day I answer and its a PAC, fund-raising. Or is it?)
22. The MIB are also time travelers. Theyve frequently been reported as asking, What time is it? They mean it VERY literally.
21. There are also Women in Black. Theyre incredibly hot and steal coins.
20. The world is inhabited by a group of black-eyed children, who are skinny, white-faced, demonic, and wear black hoodies. They knock on peoples doors with weird excuses to try to get inside, and then disappear.
19. The Loch Ness Monster is real, and a ghost.
18. The Loch Ness Monster prevents people from taking pictures of it.
17. The Sphinx is 8000 years older than we all thought. (By this point in the day I am like, sure. That sounds right.)
16. The Sphinx was originally a lion, and shrunk due to erosion.
15. The Sphinxs head is not its original head. When this speaker tells us he believes the Sphinxs head is a fake, and was replaced, and none of the Egyptologists will admit it, everyone in the audience is pissed, including me.
14. Under the Sphinx is a Hall of Records that details the history of the lost continent of Atlantis. (I have to get under the Sphinx.)
3. Our alien overlords, also called oversouls, have made agents of masonic societies and the Illuminati.
12. MIT is a front (for something). So is Silicon Valley.
11. The highest levels of the United Nations are in talks to expand the human population out into exo-civilization.
10. Most of California and the East Coast will be gone by 2137* (*According to a time traveler whod been there.)
9. This was more of a side note but one of the speakers told us hed had dinner with a Kung Fu master whom he watched move the leaves on a tree with the chi coming off his hands.
8. We first landed on the moon in 1962.
7. We first landed on Mars in 1966.
6. Our moon is in too perfect a position not to have been deliberately placed there. But by whom?
5. Apollo 17 had a secret mission that I dont quite get, but which has something to do with arrows pointed at various spots in photographs of the moon.
4. There is civilization on the other side of the moon that influences everything we do here on Earth.
3. A man named Daryl Anka can channel an alien friend from the future called Bashar, who is kind of like a self-help guru. From space.
2. There are three or more spaceships currently parked in Saturns rings. One is 31,000 miles long!
1. At 14 years old a boy named Ted Rice was abducted, along with a girl in his class, by aliens, who performed heart energy surgery to put some of his heart into the girls heart. Your hearts are now merged, said the alien, said Ted. He fell head over heels for the girl, but unfortunately, because the aliens didnt put his energy into her soul, and definitely not for any other reasons, she didnt love him back. This is actually what has been going on with my one-sided crushes as well.
> 10. Most of California and the East Coast will be gone by 2137* (*According to a time traveler whod been there.)
C’mon you know this is just wishful thinking...: )
But they still ask you for tree fiddy.
One-third of heavenly angels fell with Lucifer, and became demons. These demons are getting onto Earth via the inter-dimensional portals
No, they were born naturally to their liberal parents.
Quite a few of the “abductee” crowd claim owls are closely associated with UFO events, particularly contact with humans. But, they say they’re not really owls, that’s just a “screen memory” planted by the aliens so you won’t remember them.
In 1908, an alien spacecraft exploded at Tunguska, Russia;
The Roswell alien spacecraft was a rescue mission for the Tunguska crash, but it fell through a wormhole and crashed in the New Mexico desert 39 years later;
A piece of alien technology from the Roswell crash was discovered by a teenager named Elvis Presley;
Presley turned it over the the Nazi scientists of Operation Paperclip (Presley was placed in a government relocation program in Memphis, TN, where he promptly blew cover);
The Nazi scientists reverse-engineered the alien technology and developed the Internet, GMO's, and chemtrail technology, which in turn sucks our precious bodily fluids from the atmosphere and provides power for the HAARP array;
The HAARP array destroyed the Twin Towers and the Pentagon on the order of George W. Bush, who personally detonated them from his secret Skull and Bones man-cave beneath the campus of UT-Austin.
There, it all makes sense, Mulder and Scully were right, The Truth Is Out There, man!
Microwave ovens take the food value out of what we heat and the US Government beams that nutrition from Goldstone to a mothership out by Jupiter, to pay for technology they give us like fiber optics and gigahertz data links (to transfer nutrition faster).
Everyone knows that microwave ovens remove nutrition- now you know why, and where it goes.
#59. The U.S. Government turned it’s spy machine on law abiding innocent Americans.
You nailed it!
Maybe a group of concerned Doctors could set up a mental health clinic in the parking lot.There’s a lot of work to be done on that crowd.
Alternate theory: some cedars used to be about six feet tall, but aliens made them grow.
Did someone just post the guest list for next week's Coast to Coast AM?
This is still true. But 150-foot cedar trees are now only about 6 feet tall.
I actually posted before you, but our posts got mixed up going through the time warp.
"God Dammit Loch Ness Monster, I ain't gonna give you no tree fiddy!"
Unified Conspiracy Theory Continued
Elvis Presley handed the plans over to Amelia Earhart who was flying them to the secret base in Antarctica when her plane was shot down by genetically engineered Sasquatches and Merpeople who had been trained in the use of advanced weapons by the Free Masons and Knights Templar. They got the designs from the secret notebook of Leonardo DaVinci who stole them from inter-dimensional time travelers who were on Earth looking for a new source of deuterium. Leonardo handed the plans over to the Illuminati for 555 years, 55 minutes, 55 seconds.
The result of all of this was the election of Richard Nixon in 1968 who was the man that actually shot JFK but blamed it on Oswald with help from the Dali Lama
There’s gotta be something here for your nut job list.
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