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President Blames Poor Poll Numbers on Slander
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 May 2014 | John Semmens

Posted on 05/09/2014 8:52:30 PM PDT by John Semmens

President Barack Obama told a gathering of millionaire donors to the Democratic Party that polls showing dire prospects for the November elections “have nothing to do with my policies and everything to do with the poisonous racism and anti-government animus of the GOP.”

The President acknowledged that “part of the problem lies in the fragmented format of our elections. I won't be on the ballot this November. Voters will be asked to sift through a confusing roster of unfamiliar candidates and issues. We need to transform the process and make it simpler. In the meantime, if we can boil the election down to a basic 'yes' or 'no' choice for voters we may be able to navigate through these tough times. So, even though voters can't vote for me, we can remind them that a vote for any Democrat is, in fact, a vote for my policies.”

Whether a basic “yes or no” messaging strategy would work in a “poisonous” environment is unknown. “As Senator Schumer has pointed out, there are far too many ways for the holders of disreputable opinions to get their scurrilous slanders out,” Obama lamented. “His proposed Amendment has merit, but could only have an impact in the longer run if we could get enough states to ratify it. In the more immediate run up to this November's balloting the best I can do is remind those who oppose us that the NSA and IRS are still under my authority. I will not hesitate to exploit their full potential for curbing unwanted criticisms of my policies.”

In related news, it has been discovered that 10% of the taxpayers who just happen to have their names appear on lists of donors to Tea Party political causes were audited by the IRS. Statistically, an average taxpayer's chance of being audited is around 1%.

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/155352-2014-05-09-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-may-11-2014.htm


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: democrats; elections; obama; satire

1 posted on 05/09/2014 8:52:30 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 05/09/2014 8:53:07 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

I thought it was racism.


3 posted on 05/09/2014 8:54:19 PM PDT by DIRTYSECRET (urope. Why do they put up with this.)
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To: John Semmens

4 posted on 05/09/2014 8:54:56 PM PDT by kingattax (America needs more real Americans.)
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To: John Semmens

Nice one, John.


5 posted on 05/09/2014 8:57:33 PM PDT by Focault's Pendulum (I live in NJ....' Nuff said!)
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To: John Semmens

The book by Arianna Coulter? How old is that book?


6 posted on 05/09/2014 8:59:10 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: John Semmens
sall bout them racesses


7 posted on 05/09/2014 8:59:50 PM PDT by MeshugeMikey ( "Never, never, never give up". Winston Churchill)
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To: John Semmens
this is spectacular! i got up to here:

In the more immediate run up to this November's balloting the best I can do is remind those who oppose us that the NSA and IRS are still under my authority. I will not hesitate to exploit their full potential for curbing unwanted criticisms of my policies.”

and then i knew... :)

8 posted on 05/09/2014 9:00:49 PM PDT by latina4dubya (when i have money i buy books... if i have anything left, i buy 6-inch heels and a bottle of wine...)
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To: John Semmens

Chris Matthews gave him the idea to cancel midterms.


9 posted on 05/09/2014 9:00:59 PM PDT by ObamahatesPACoal
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To: John Semmens

Was what the demonrats did and still do to Bush slander and racism? Zero needs to take off his panties and mom jeans and put on his big boy pants and accept that people don’t like him because of divisive and failed economic policies. Also he’s a friggin America hating communist sucking the life out of taxpayers with all of the vacations he and the salt monster take. In other words Barry, the reason we don’t like you isn’t because you’re Black, we don’t like you because you’re F’n up our country!


10 posted on 05/09/2014 9:01:45 PM PDT by Mastador1 (I'll take a bad dog over a good politician any day!)
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To: John Semmens

The idiot is a real piece of work!


11 posted on 05/09/2014 9:02:56 PM PDT by lonestar (It takes a village of idiots to elect a village idiot.)
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To: John Semmens

I guess that it would never occur to this brainless, affirmative action idiot that his policies might be the problem?


12 posted on 05/09/2014 9:03:13 PM PDT by doc1019
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To: John Semmens
Lead from behind. That means never, ever, taking responsibility for anything that goes bad or wrong.

It may be a very good lawyer move but as a military commander is totally sucks. Men do not respect you and only follow your orders reluctantly.

Welcome to Obama's world. In his world it is all about doing the lawyer thing. Right, or correct, or moral have no meaning to him. The only thing that matters is if he can get aways with it.

13 posted on 05/09/2014 9:05:07 PM PDT by oldenuff2no (Citizen)
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To: John Semmens

Mind melding again, John?
Brilliant . :)


14 posted on 05/09/2014 9:06:29 PM PDT by moose07 (the truth will out ,one day.)
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To: John Semmens

They likely are being affected by slander..

He slanders everyone and people are taking notice.


15 posted on 05/09/2014 9:07:52 PM PDT by cableguymn (It's time for a second political party.)
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To: cableguymn

I dunno about that— his poll numbers at Gallup are UP to 47 today! RCP has had his rolling average at 44! I don’t get it.

If he can crack 45, why can’t Hillary scratch out at 51. Yikes.


16 posted on 05/09/2014 9:20:20 PM PDT by RitaOK ( VIVA CHRISTO REY / Public education is the farm team for more Marxists coming.)
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To: John Semmens

‘Tweren’t the slanders, it was them smidgens.


17 posted on 05/09/2014 9:24:42 PM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (Obama's smidgens are coming home to roost.)
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To: John Semmens

Slander, is it... That idea had to have come from Putin, but I thought they weren’t talking....


18 posted on 05/09/2014 9:27:37 PM PDT by BigEdLB (Now there ARE 1,000,000 regrets - but it may be too late.)
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To: John Semmens

OK, this is satire... or is it?

Narcissism is a SERIOUS mental disorder, in which sufferers perceive reality quite differently than someone who is mentally well-balanced.

Those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are frightening, and should NEVER have power...

But they often do. What have ‘Foolish Voters’ wrought?

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html


19 posted on 05/09/2014 9:47:31 PM PDT by InkStone (Omni Vivum Ex Surfboard)
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To: John Semmens

The clown is just what he is. Runs around burning fossil fuels and tells the rest of us to live like paupers. Talks out both sides of his upper ass.


20 posted on 05/09/2014 9:56:35 PM PDT by Busko (The only thing that is certain is that nothing is certain.)
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To: John Semmens

Way too close to authentic stuff these days.


21 posted on 05/09/2014 10:22:40 PM PDT by Sivad (NorCal red turf)
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To: John Semmens
President Blames Poor Poll Numbers on Slander

What?
He and his clowns ran out of race cards?

Desperate times for the poor "Progressives?"

22 posted on 05/09/2014 11:05:03 PM PDT by publius911 ( At least Nixon had the good grace to resign!)
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To: John Semmens
So, even though voters can't vote for me, we can remind them that a vote for any Democrat is, in fact, a vote for my policies.”

Ha ha.
That gave it away.

Obama may be ignorant, but he's not stupid.

23 posted on 05/09/2014 11:20:19 PM PDT by publius911 ( At least Nixon had the good grace to resign!)
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To: John Semmens

The president is a known cocaine abuser and talks like he is in la-la land.


24 posted on 05/10/2014 1:56:43 AM PDT by x_plus_one (Islam Delenda Est)
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To: All

Let me try my hand at this satire thing.

“The return of Monica Lewinsky reminds us that a certain kind of person can be in the White House, and indeed, this is now the case. We should not turn our backs on such a person.”


25 posted on 05/10/2014 2:59:25 AM PDT by Peter ODonnell (It wasn't this cold before global warming)
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To: John Semmens

Dear Queer-in-Charge,

I’ve been watching you from day one.

I am NOT a “GOP” person, nor am I a member of the NRA.

You are just flat messing up, like a little boy, and looking just like that, to the world.

You need to be replaced, period.


26 posted on 05/10/2014 2:59:57 AM PDT by Terry L Smith
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To: John Semmens

Naaah,
Has nothing to do with his horse crap policies or his marxist philosophies or his hate for America or his islam faith now does it.
Worthless punk ass poser.


27 posted on 05/10/2014 3:12:52 AM PDT by Joe Boucher ((FUBO) obammy lied and lied and lied)
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To: John Semmens

As a child he did not have American experiences that would mold him into a man with a country, ex. has he ever been to a ball game with his father as a child?


28 posted on 05/10/2014 3:23:40 AM PDT by ronnie raygun
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To: John Semmens
We need to transform the process and make it simpler. In the meantime, if we can boil the election down to a basic 'yes' or 'no' choice for voters we may be able to navigate through these tough times. So, even though voters can't vote for me, we can remind them that a vote for any Democrat is, in fact, a vote for my policies.”

I know this is satire, but I have an idea for elections. Take the party affiliation OFF the ballot and only be allowed to state what issues a candidate stands for and against. Bet the dims would be in the minority forever. Of course, that will never happen since so many LIVs have to find the (d) for more gubmint handouts.

29 posted on 05/10/2014 4:41:10 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: RitaOK

I was thinking about the recent climb in Obo’s poll numbers too. Wonder if they are using consistent polling data??


30 posted on 05/10/2014 5:47:19 AM PDT by urtax$@work (The only kind of memorial is a Burning memorial !)
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To: urtax$@work

Stunning, isn’t it? He should be good for 29 points, as GWB suffered, over Iraq. Thx..


31 posted on 05/10/2014 7:21:45 AM PDT by RitaOK ( VIVA CHRISTO REY / Public education is the farm team for more Marxists coming.)
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To: John Semmens
Obama wants the United States to be North Korea where citizens can be punished for NOT clapping hard enough...

Charming....

So sorry liberal elites - this isn't a hellhole yet... as much as you wish it was.

32 posted on 05/10/2014 7:50:56 AM PDT by GOPJ ( Are we finally going to get a smidgen of truth? - - Freeper Veto!)
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To: John Semmens
Should be sent out on official letter head as a DNC press release.

;)
33 posted on 05/10/2014 9:43:15 PM PDT by Tainan (Cogito, ergo conservatus sum -- "The Taliban is inside the building")
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