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NewsReal News Not Reported for the Week Ending 6/7/2014
Mononymous1/Wordpress ^ | 6/9/2014 | Mononymous1

Posted on 06/09/2014 9:09:19 AM PDT by mononymous

The following is mostly satire.

The Bergdahl transaction was the biggest deal, this past week. It was so big that it is the only scandal this administration and the President didn’t learn about from reports in the media. It was so big that they trotted out the known liar Susan Rice to explain it. The hapless Ms. Rice also said that PFC Bergdahl served his country with “honor and distinction” which undoubtedly is her view of her own service in government. Ms. Rice explained that the NSA is too busy spying on ordinary Americans to know what the hell really happened to PFC Bergdahl. Relatedly, the White House provided all sorts of explanations for the transaction; none of these made any sense with the possible exception that PFC Bergdahl was in critical medical condition and they simply wanted to punish him by “providing” care at the VA.

Outgoing overt propagandists Jay Carney was asked to comment on the “honor and distinction” remark. He explained that putting on the uniform was honorable and that deserting your comrades was in fact a distinction from other soldiers.

Reportedly, the transaction did not go very smoothly as neither the terrorists nor PFC Bergdahl really wanted to return to their prior lives. One prisoner explained that living in a cave as a hunter-gatherer has lost its appeal since the vacation at GITMO.

Defending the transaction, President Obama said, “like every good Democrat following 9/11, I said that the war in Afghanistan was necessary but that the Iraq war was simply misguided. However, I have always said regarding the Taliban, if you like your terrorists leaders, you can have them.”

His potentially traitorous behavior aside, PFC Bergdahl is already being rehabbed by leftists who praise the deal and have gone on the attack against his fellow platoon members. They obviously envision him following in the footsteps of John Kerry for a rewarding career in politics. Who knows, he may even run for President some day and campaign as the best terrorists sympathizer since Barack Obama.

Asked to comment on the transaction, Attorney General Eric Holder said, “just be glad we didn’t release them in your backyard like we are doing with thousands of other prisoners or like DHS is doing with the flood of illegals pouring into the country.” The AG added, “we frankly have bigger fish to fry here with all these teabaggers acting as if the constitution is supposed to mean anything.”

A video of President Obama exercising was made public last week. Richard Simmons immediately cut a commercial for his workout routine and used some of the footage from the video claiming that, comparatively, it makes him look like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Finally, the backlash from the Bergdahl transaction of last week was so big that David Gregory had to be scheduled for extra psychological counseling sessions.


TOPICS: Government; Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: bergdahl; gitmo; taliban
Mostly satire.
1 posted on 06/09/2014 9:09:19 AM PDT by mononymous
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