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Cochran Gears Up for Final Campaign Push
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 June 2014 | John Semmens

Posted on 06/14/2014 11:54:00 AM PDT by John Semmens

Surprised that he is facing a run-off against State Senator Chris McDaniel to represent Mississippi in the US Senate, sitting Senator Thad Cochran (R) made an odd bid to corner the bestiality and animal cruelty vote.

With a knowing wink to his Pine Bluff audience, Cochran boasted that he'd done "all kinds of indecent things with animals" growing up in rural Mississippi.

Cochran campaign spokesman Jordan Russell downplayed Cochran's comments contending that they were "the sorts of antics that many boys and young men engage in as youths. Let's face it, rural Mississippi is just plain boring. Who can blame a youngster for setting a possum on fire or trying out his manhood on the family cow. It's no big deal. I think every adult male in the state will identify with the Senator on this."

This isn't the only crucial voting bloc Cochran has made moves on in the last week. Senile voters also received a nod from the Senator as he professed his confusion over Representative Eric Cantor's recent primary defeat in Virginia. "I didn't even realize that Eddie Cantor was still alive," Cochran replied to a Fox News reporter. "Great singer and dancer, too. My favorite was 'How Ya Gonna Keep 'Em Down on the Farm (After They've Seen Paree?).' That one really hit home with me. Sorry to hear he lost his seat in Congress."

Coming to Cochran's rescue is a $250,000 campaign donation from former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg who described the Senator as "a national treasure the nation can ill-afford to lose. When it comes to public policy, Senator Cochran has forgotten more than he's ever known. His opponent can't even come close to matching this wealth of institutional knowledge."

Polls taken before Cochran's recent remarks showed that McDaniel had opened up a small 3% lead in the race. The impact of Cochran's new campaign emphasis is yet to be measured. Election day is June 24.

In related news, Representative Peter King (R-NY) lashed out at Senators Ted Cruz (R-Tex) and Rand Paul (R-Ken) for "encouraging voters to turn away from GOP leaders with years of experience and elect upstart neophytes whose single-minded notion that government can and should be curbed is simply out-of-step with modern realities. Life today is too complicated for individuals to cope with on their own. They need government help. The Democrats realize this. Until we Republicans get on-board we'll continue to lose elections to them."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/157505-2014-06-13-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-june-15-2014.htm


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: mississippi; pranks; rinos; satire

1 posted on 06/14/2014 11:54:00 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Cochran said what two consenting mammals do behind closed doors is nobodies business.


2 posted on 06/14/2014 11:58:40 AM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

I suppose the silence of the lambs might be construed as consent.


3 posted on 06/14/2014 12:01:09 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Instead of bumper stickers, he should pass out free drool cups.


4 posted on 06/14/2014 12:12:26 PM PDT by dainbramaged (Don't tell me, I'll tell you.)
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To: nickcarraway

Just glad this and other things against Cochran have gotten the nursing home and court house out of discussion


5 posted on 06/14/2014 12:39:41 PM PDT by Sybeck1 (Vote McDaniel June 24th Mississippi!)
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To: nickcarraway

What the Bible says about it all . . . Deuteronomy 27:21 “Cursed is the man who has sexual relations with any animal.” Check out Exodus 22:19, Leviticus 18:23, Leviticus 20:15-16


6 posted on 06/14/2014 12:53:53 PM PDT by Maudeen ("End Times Warrior - Just a Sinner Saved by Grace")
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To: John Semmens
Reading the latest news headlines in a hurry to catch up, I clicked on this...I missed the "semi-news, semi-satire" tag, and was totally grossed out!!

So just a query...does this article really belong on the "front page forum"?!

My bad for not looking at the source and trying to read too fast, I suppose...

7 posted on 06/14/2014 2:58:41 PM PDT by 88keys (broken glass GOP; it matters, replace the Dems. 2014!!)
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