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CFPB Announces Broad New Powers [satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 20 June 2014 | John Semmens

Posted on 06/22/2014 11:05:37 AM PDT by John Semmens

The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau announced in the Federal Register that it will “aggressively deploy cease and desist orders against businesses whose activities are a detriment to the nation’s well-being.” For the moment this new authority is “interim.” It is expected to become final on July 18.

“For too long the Government has sat idly by while businesses have foisted unsafe and unhealthy products on an unsuspecting public,” CFPB Director Richard Cordray charged. “Under Section 1053(c) of the Dodd-Frank Act, we are empowered to protect the general public by ordering offending businesses to cease and desist.”

Two industries that are expected to be first-in-line for a stepped up enforcement using this tool are gun manufacturers and fast food restaurants. “The sole purpose of a gun is to kill something or someone,” Cordray said. “It is an inherently unsafe product. By issuing a cease and desist order to manufacturers of these demonic devices we can bypass the inability of Congress to enact meaningful gun control laws.”

“Fast food is an even more insidious threat,” Cordray continued. “It’s probably responsible for more deaths than firearms. Yet, despite the best efforts of the First Lady businesses are still allowed to sell and consumers still allowed to buy these sickening comestibles. Well, the CFPB is going to ride to her rescue. Those who refuse to heed her request to offer healthier food choices will be shut down until they agree to comply.”

Businesses shut down by a CFPB cease and desist order could appeal the decision, but would remain closed as long as the CFPB deems warranted or until the CFPB order is overruled by a court. Either way, affected businesses could be without revenue for an extended period. Even if a court ultimately overturned a CFPB order the Agency would retain sovereign immunity for any damages suffered by shuttered businesses.

Concerned that the CFPB “may be overstepping its bounds to the detriment of both businesses and consumers,” Representative Sean Duffy (R-Wisc) has drafted legislation aimed at curbing the Agency. Whether it will go anywhere seems doubtful, though. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) denounced Duffy’s bill as “an unconstitutional infringement on the President’s right and duty to protect the American people from profiteers purveying unsafe and unhealthy products.”

In related news, First Lady Michelle Obama vowed she would “veto any legislative attempt to tamper with my school lunch program.” Schools have pressed Congress for relief from Michelle’s dietary guidelines on the grounds that students refuse to eat the food the guidelines require. The First Lady was unmoved. “Uneaten healthy food is better than eaten unhealthy food,” she argued. “Hunger will eventually bring the kids around.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2014/06/21/irs-head-says-special-prosecutor-would-be-waste-of-money/


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: fastfood; guns; regulation; satire

1 posted on 06/22/2014 11:05:37 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

All Business for Obama OK , All Business against Obama must GO


2 posted on 06/22/2014 11:09:06 AM PDT by molson209 (Blank)
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To: John Semmens

ROTFLMAO ..!!!!!!!!

Michelle has VETO power now ..????????


3 posted on 06/22/2014 11:12:52 AM PDT by CyberAnt (True the Vote: MY AMERICA, "... I'm terrified it's slipping away.")
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To: John Semmens

And just who decides what are “unsafe and unhealthy products” and what aren’t. I would never want a bureaucrat making an decision which affects my livelihood.

I can see hundreds of family farms going out of business because some city-slicker deciding the farm tractor is unsafe, or the chicken poop contaminates the egg.


4 posted on 06/22/2014 11:14:29 AM PDT by elpadre (AfganistaMr Obama said the goal was to "disrupt, dismantle and defeat al-hereQaeda" and its allies.)
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To: John Semmens
heh heh heh...
5 posted on 06/22/2014 11:31:08 AM PDT by Chode (Stand UP and Be Counted, or line up and be numbered - *DTOM* -vvv- NO Pity for the LAZY - 86-44)
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To: John Semmens

Grinnin’, and shakin’ my head John. Good one again.


6 posted on 06/22/2014 12:52:55 PM PDT by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will. They ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: John Semmens

Thanks for adding [Satire] to the thread title. Seems only fair.


7 posted on 06/22/2014 1:33:14 PM PDT by upchuck (Everyday, Joe Wilson becomes more correct!)
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To: John Semmens

I’m not sure this is satire... don’t give this administration any ideas...


8 posted on 06/22/2014 5:34:27 PM PDT by El Laton Caliente (NRA Life Member & www.Gunsnet.net Moderator)
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