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President Tries to Fend Off Evidence of Incompetence
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 27 June 2014 | John Semmens

Posted on 06/27/2014 6:26:21 PM PDT by John Semmens

With a cascade of scandals dominating the news, a desperate President Obama pleaded with voters to "not give up hope. The mistakes of a tiny minority can easily overwhelm the good work of the many. Probably less than one percent of government workers are boneheads. The rest of us shouldn't have to suffer because of it."

To help illustrate his case Obama told a story about an unnamed federal employee "who foolishly put things in writing that she shouldn't have. Despite explicit instructions that no documentary evidence be produced she negligently or maliciously, we don't know, entrusted highly confidential material to email correspondence. Now my enemies are demanding copies of these emails. If it hadn't been for the fortuitous crash of a number of key computers this material could've fallen into the wrong hands."

Statistical experts place the odds of all these "fortuitous" crashes occurring at the same time as one in 80 billion—a long shot that Obama attributed to "the 'Man upstairs' looking out for our best interests."

The President also sought to characterize recent criticism of EPA employees defecating in office hallways as "myopic. From a superficial perspective this practice looks idiotic. What many are overlooking is the fact that these excretions are perfectly natural and biodegradable. Furthermore, the health concerns raised place an inordinate value on conditions favorable to humans and totally disregard what might be beneficial to other life forms. The EPA's mission is to preserve all creatures, even those some callously categorize as 'germs.'"

In related news, Press Secretary Josh Earnest labeled Republican Representatives Louie Gohmert and Bill Flores' proposed $1 million reward for any individual who can recover former IRS director Lois Lerner's "lost" emails "an exercise in futility. Far more money is available to the Administration, if need be, to ensure that this doesn't happen. And if money alone can't do the job the President has the authority to take extreme measures to defend the government against all enemies, both foreign and domestic."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/158479-2014-06-27-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-june-29-2014.htm


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: epa; irs; obama; satire

1 posted on 06/27/2014 6:26:21 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 06/27/2014 6:27:08 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

It appears as though their “smart” phones are helping them much. Hey! A jughead is a jughead and this regime if full of them.


3 posted on 06/27/2014 6:28:13 PM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (Feed the wacko enrviromentalists to the starving polar bears.)
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To: John Semmens

I thought when Barry was speaking to dead people about his trips to all 57 states,that was a dead givaway.


4 posted on 06/27/2014 6:33:16 PM PDT by Cruz_West_Paul2016
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To: John Semmens

I find myself skipping over other alleged satire anymore John. None of them touch yours.


5 posted on 06/27/2014 6:34:37 PM PDT by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will. They ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: John Semmens

Dirty republicans are politicizing Obama’s incompetence.


6 posted on 06/27/2014 6:39:36 PM PDT by cripplecreek (Remember the River Raisin.)
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To: John Semmens
EPA employees defecating in office hallways

How can you satirize people this bizarre?

7 posted on 06/27/2014 6:40:32 PM PDT by marron
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To: John Semmens
...a long shot that Obama attributed to "the 'Man upstairs' looking out for our best interests."

I have been waiting for Obama to declare that he rules by divine right.

You're giving them ideas again, John.

8 posted on 06/27/2014 7:00:48 PM PDT by TChad (The Obamacare motto: Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori.)
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To: John Semmens

Obama:
“Pencil neck geek, grit eatin’ freak,
scum suckin’, pea head with a lousy physique.
He’s a one man, no gut, loosing streak.
Nothin’ but a pencil neck geek. “
(Credit to Freddie Blassie)


9 posted on 06/27/2014 7:04:04 PM PDT by 9422WMR ("Ignorance can be cured by education, but stupidity is forever.")
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To: John Semmens

Excellent!


10 posted on 06/27/2014 7:11:31 PM PDT by MV=PY (The Magic Question: Who's paying for it?)
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To: John Semmens

Hah! All those phony scandals!


11 posted on 06/27/2014 7:56:46 PM PDT by ViLaLuz (2 Chronicles 7:14)
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To: 9422WMR

See tagline.


12 posted on 06/27/2014 8:24:03 PM PDT by Studebaker Hawk (These geeks are a dime-a-dozen. I'm looking for the man with the dimes. Freddy Blasie)
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To: John Semmens

obama tries to fend off evidence of Incompetence.
It ain’t working!!!!

Have you ever seen someone so dumb reach such heights and cause such misery?


13 posted on 06/27/2014 8:37:05 PM PDT by minnesota_bound
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To: John Semmens


14 posted on 06/27/2014 8:56:41 PM PDT by Chode (Stand UP and Be Counted, or line up and be numbered - *DTOM* -vvv- NO Pity for the LAZY - 86-44)
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To: John Semmens

This one is golden, John.


15 posted on 06/27/2014 9:18:56 PM PDT by wastedyears (I'm a pessimist, I say plenty of negative things. Consider it a warning of sorts.)
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To: John Semmens

Well done.


16 posted on 06/27/2014 9:20:27 PM PDT by Jet Jaguar (Resist in place.)
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To: John Semmens

I Am The One Percent.

17 posted on 06/27/2014 9:23:05 PM PDT by RichInOC (Obama: Not Me.)
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To: John Semmens
🎭
18 posted on 06/28/2014 12:35:39 AM PDT by skinkinthegrass (The end move in politics is always to pick up a weapon...0'Jihadist/"Rustler" Reid? d8-)
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To: John Semmens

Statistical experts place the odds of all these "fortuitous" crashes occurring at the same time as one in 80 billion—a long shot that Obama attributed to "the 'Man upstairs' looking out for our best interests."


19 posted on 06/28/2014 3:38:42 AM PDT by COBOL2Java (I'm a Christian, pro-life, pro-gun, Reaganite. The GOP hates me. Why should I vote for them?)
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To: John Semmens
Statistical experts place the odds of all these "fortuitous" crashes occurring at the same time as one in 80 billion—a long shot that Obama attributed to "the 'Man upstairs' looking out for our best interests."

And...

Hefty speaking fees (over $100 million since 2001) have been the mainstay of the Clintons' battle to escape poverty since leaving the White House in early 2001.

Once gain, folks, Semmens calls it like it isn't (when it really is!)

.

20 posted on 06/28/2014 1:58:29 PM PDT by Seaplaner (Never give in. Never give in. Never...except to convictions of honour and good sense. W. Churchill)
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To: Seaplaner
Voops! "gain" = "again"

Proofreading is highly over-rated.

.

21 posted on 06/28/2014 2:00:13 PM PDT by Seaplaner (Never give in. Never give in. Never...except to convictions of honour and good sense. W. Churchill)
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