Posted on 06/27/2014 6:26:21 PM PDT by John Semmens
With a cascade of scandals dominating the news, a desperate President Obama pleaded with voters to "not give up hope. The mistakes of a tiny minority can easily overwhelm the good work of the many. Probably less than one percent of government workers are boneheads. The rest of us shouldn't have to suffer because of it."
To help illustrate his case Obama told a story about an unnamed federal employee "who foolishly put things in writing that she shouldn't have. Despite explicit instructions that no documentary evidence be produced she negligently or maliciously, we don't know, entrusted highly confidential material to email correspondence. Now my enemies are demanding copies of these emails. If it hadn't been for the fortuitous crash of a number of key computers this material could've fallen into the wrong hands."
Statistical experts place the odds of all these "fortuitous" crashes occurring at the same time as one in 80 billion—a long shot that Obama attributed to "the 'Man upstairs' looking out for our best interests."
The President also sought to characterize recent criticism of EPA employees defecating in office hallways as "myopic. From a superficial perspective this practice looks idiotic. What many are overlooking is the fact that these excretions are perfectly natural and biodegradable. Furthermore, the health concerns raised place an inordinate value on conditions favorable to humans and totally disregard what might be beneficial to other life forms. The EPA's mission is to preserve all creatures, even those some callously categorize as 'germs.'"
In related news, Press Secretary Josh Earnest labeled Republican Representatives Louie Gohmert and Bill Flores' proposed $1 million reward for any individual who can recover former IRS director Lois Lerner's "lost" emails "an exercise in futility. Far more money is available to the Administration, if need be, to ensure that this doesn't happen. And if money alone can't do the job the President has the authority to take extreme measures to defend the government against all enemies, both foreign and domestic."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/158479-2014-06-27-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-june-29-2014.htm
ping
It appears as though their “smart” phones are helping them much. Hey! A jughead is a jughead and this regime if full of them.
I thought when Barry was speaking to dead people about his trips to all 57 states,that was a dead givaway.
I find myself skipping over other alleged satire anymore John. None of them touch yours.
Dirty republicans are politicizing Obama’s incompetence.
How can you satirize people this bizarre?
I have been waiting for Obama to declare that he rules by divine right.
You're giving them ideas again, John.
Obama:
“Pencil neck geek, grit eatin’ freak,
scum suckin’, pea head with a lousy physique.
He’s a one man, no gut, loosing streak.
Nothin’ but a pencil neck geek. “
(Credit to Freddie Blassie)
Excellent!
Hah! All those phony scandals!
See tagline.
obama tries to fend off evidence of Incompetence.
It ain’t working!!!!
Have you ever seen someone so dumb reach such heights and cause such misery?
This one is golden, John.
Well done.
I Am The One Percent.
And...
Hefty speaking fees (over $100 million since 2001) have been the mainstay of the Clintons' battle to escape poverty since leaving the White House in early 2001.
Once gain, folks, Semmens calls it like it isn't (when it really is!)
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