Skip to comments.Satire: President Obama fires Secretary Kerry and excommunicates PM Netanyahu
Posted on 07/26/2014 1:14:59 PM PDT by DanMiller
Kerry went to Martha's Vineyard, boarded his yacht and left all further efforts to transform the world to Valerie Jarrett. PM Netanyahu commented only that Obama's excommunication edict won't work since he is not a Roman Catholic and that Obama's issuance of a fatwa wouldn't work either.
We need to help Islam in its glorious quest for peace. The way is out there somewhere andaboard my yacht I'll find it for sure!
On July 25th, the infamous Israeli Security Cabinet rejected the Secretary's new Humanitarian Missiles, Tunnels and Resupply for Peace plan. Later in the day, Israel and Hamas agreed to an humanitarian cease fire lasting only twelve hours. It has been reported that even that pitifully insignificant result was due to efforts by the United Nations.
What has been achieved for President Obama due to all of Kerry's meager efforts?
Bupkis Nothing! Secretary Kerry's earlier Israeli - Palestinian peace process also failed and it was even necessary to extend the P5 + 1 negotiations with Iran for another four months to ensure that all of Iran's demands are met.
The results demanded by President Obama won't even come before the November congressional elections. A lot of good it will do for Him then!
Kerry tried to put a good face on the cease fire matter, promised to continue his efforts and noted at a press conference in Cairo that he had not even presented a formal proposal for consideration, leaving that up to
Orgasms for Obama Organizing for Action, Hamas, Fatah and Islamic Jihad.
It's all Blundering Kerry's fault for not forcing Israel accept a deal -- any deal. The same is true of his other failures and Kerry has become a world class laughingstock. Worse, due to Kerry and his predecessor, Hillary Klingon, President Obama has as well. That must cease.
Since "war hero" Kerry could not convince Israel, the P5 + 1 clowns or anybody else to do even the little that he demanded, someone else is needed and Valerie Jarrett, guided by President Obama's historically unparalleled charisma and unprecedented wisdom, is the logical candidate. The smartest person in any room, surely Obama will prod her as necessary from behind.
Accordingly, President Obama today fired Secretary of State Kerry and delegated all of Kerry's former duties, as well as His own few remaining Presidential Duties -- other than fund raising, photo ops and speeches blaming others for His misfortunes -- to Valerie Jarrett. Highly qualified, she was born in Iran in 1956 and is
a Senior Advisor to the President of the United States and Assistant to the President for Public Engagement and Intergovernmental Affairs . . .
President Obama took these steps in response to Kerry's multiple inexcusable failures to implement His principal foreign policy objectives.
President Obama wants other heads of state merely to talk, favorably about Him, because most are far inferior and talking about anything else might lead to undesired results. It's necessary that there be no results unfavorable to President Obama because that might (conceivably) encourage unfavorable press coverage, an important matter that Kerry would not or could not comprehend.
Former Secretary Kerry was last seen aboard his yacht, The Ketchup, motoring briskly away from the marina. Although Kerry was not available for comment, a badly mutilated Obama doll was seen briefly on the bows of his modest yacht before the former secretary ripped it (the doll, not the yacht) to pieces and threw it overboard. He also threw overboard replicas of his(?) many awards for heroism in Viet Nam, Cambodia and other dangerous places where he may (or may not) have served.
Have a long and pleasant trip, Mr. Kerry, إن شاء الله.
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