PLO Assails Cruz Hearing on Terrorism [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 Nov 2015 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

The Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO) took issue with how Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) handled a hearing on Middle East terrorism. The hearing entitled, "Justice Forsaken: How the Federal Government Fails the American Victims of Iranian and Palestinian Terrorism," featured witnesses describing attacks by Palestinian suicide bombers against innocent victims.

PLO spokesman Haikil Juze complained that "these hearings are one-sided and biased. Contrary to the propaganda spouted by Cruz and his witnesses, Jews are not innocent. The Quran makes that clear. It is every Muslim's sacred duty to strike down these minions of Satan wherever, whenever, and however they can."

Juze condemned "Cruz's failure to mention the provocations committed by the Israelis. First of all, the mere presence of Jews in lands conquered for Allah more than a thousand years ago is an intolerable affront. Second, Jewish whores parade around the streets with their faces and limbs uncovered inducing irresistible lust among innocent Muslim men. Third, the Quran expressly prohibits non-Muslims from owning weapons. Yet, Jews walk the streets with firearms in their hands, over their shoulders, or on their hips. Rage and revenge is our only honorable option. Cruz's aim to deny us this option violates our religious freedom."

Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest called Cruz's efforts "unhelpful. The President, who is a great admirer of Lincoln, urged me to convey the message that if he could achieve peace in the region without harming any Jews he would do it, and if he could achieve peace by harming all the Jews he would do it; and if he could achieve peace by harming some and leaving others alone he would also do that."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=185223.new#new

[John Semmens]

ping

[fatnotlazy]

“The President, who is a great admirer of Lincoln”

***

Obama wouldn't make a patch on Lincoln's behind.

Thanks again for the ping.

[sima_yi]

Your mind reading ability is amazing, John! You are expressing exactly what these “people” are actually thinking. Another good one.