Posted on 12/02/2016 10:59:30 AM PST by rhett october
It’s not exactly a common conversation topic, even among the best of friends. At a typical local coffee shop you might overhear all kinds of home remedies and anecdotal evidence concerning a host of problems but I bet you have never heard someone start a sentence with, “How I saved my marriage was…”
When it comes to marriage, privacy is important and I’m not going to say otherwise. I’m not going to suggest that we all should be transparent and open about the details of our marriage or that we should all have a brochure entitled, “How I saved my marriage,” ready for anyone who asks. I’m simply acknowledging that this type of advice or counsel is difficult to seek and to find.
I’m willing to volunteer this information because I can hide behind a faceless article. I can be anonymous. I can base a strategy at least partly on the experience of others. I might be affiliated with this website. I might be good friends with the owner. Or I could be a guest writer. But enough about me.
(Excerpt) Read more at marriageradio.com ...
Man is it hard to do #1 when being hit with #2 often. Just continue to forgive and move on.
we should all have a brochure entitled, “How I saved my marriage,”>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Eff that. I believe in the prenup and a noble end.
If one has a marriage , then one is married.
If one does not have a marriage, one gets the hell out of it.
I read the article and it is a good one. So I will tell everyone now that I have never been married, but have reared a nephew and the points given in this article about marriage can, and should, be used when rearing a child. Talk to your kids - don’t nag.
P.S.: marry a person, who if they were your own sex, would be your best friend. This is something I have always noted about long, enduring marriages.
Very good advice...Criticism can kill. I know...I’ve been guilty of it.
I think the first step to saving a marriage happens before you even get married. Make sure that you aren’t marrying someone who thinks that there is such a thing as a “perfect marriage” where everything will be peachy. Only marry someone if they are fully aware that there will problems and who is going to be committed to working through them when they come up.
My first marriage (20 years) involved number 1. And I did it right. However, that just ticked her off more. The kids tell me that she constantly fights with her live-in boyfriend.
But the thing is, my parents never fought in front of us, while hers always did. I became Mr. Spock when we “fought”. She saw it as condescending.
Number 2 is good advice.
Number three sorta tied into number one for me. At the end of the marriage I was being accused of having an “anger management” problem. In light of what I said above, yeah, it was comical. But I wanted to do my part so I read the books, attended the classes, etc. But the REAL problem was that I finally, after 19 years, STOPPED being a dormat. I was polite, but refused to simply let her step on me without at least politely pointing out what was going on.
Anyway, completely out of the blue I received divorce papers. One of the people I worked with commented one day that if I had continued to be the doormat I’d have probably still been married.
But to my point: After two months of trying to reconcile through our church, God answered my prayer. I asked that if one of us is not willing to reconcile, can he free the other one. Two weeks later, it hit me that I suddenly had zero feeling for her. A week later I went to my 25 year high school reunion and met my current wife of 18 years.
This one is COMPLETELY different. We are still like a couple of kids discovering each other. We are still madly in love with each other. Both of us feel blessed that the other one let us into their life. All transgressions are “little things of no real consequence”. It’s kind of amazing.
And, interestingly, my wife was raised by parents who madly loved each other the whole time she was living at home. Meanwhile, my ex’s mom constantly belittled her father, and he let her get away with it because he had had an affair with the neighbor lady and that guilt completely neutered him. So my ex had certain expectations.
But my wife is the result of two people that deeply loved each other and I’m the result of the same. It matters.
If I’d shot my ex wife when I 1st wanted to, I’d have been out by now.
Ephesians has some sound advice - it tells women to respect their husbands and for men to love their wives. Women are more “love” oriented and men are more “respect” oriented - both have to value the other’s system of processing the trial that go with a marriage.
I married a happy one and we're still that way after 30 years.
That’s a very good thought for people who haven’t married yet.
Marriage is like combat. There are periods of extreme gratification, and other periods of extreme boredom.
Don’t quote me on this. The First lady might be watching...
5.56mm
It’s actually good advice.
I take it:
1. You’ve never been married.
2. You’ve been divorced many times
Typical response from somebody who’s experienced either. LOL!
AWESOME story! Mine is very very similar.
Good to hear that someone out there knows what it’s like. Nobody in my little world seems to understand.
We had gone to the same church for 18 years and were heavily involved. That ended when I showed up with my new wife. We had to change churches.
But interestingly, years later I’d meet old friends from that church and they would apologize for believing all the nonsense they heard about me. Time made it clear to them what was going on. She was doing what liberals do: She was projecting. And I do believe this event outed her as a liberal.
Dang. Professional comedians would pay good money for a line like that!
Polygamy is having more than one wife, while monogamy is having one wife too many.
I completely understand. My parents still love each other deeply although they did fight in front of us at times.
My wife’s parents have mostly what I call a respect for each other, but my MIL will allow small things to explode and she will yell at my FIL about it. He just stays quiet the whole time. My wife does the same thing with me quite often. Her good qualities make up for it, but there are times. I just tell her all the time that we aren’t perfect, forgive and move on.
More like a slow kill that could take years for it to work....
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