Skip to comments.Twitter Freezes/Unfreezes McConnell Account [semi-satire]
Posted on 08/11/2019 9:32:41 AM PDT by John Semmens
This week, a menacing crowd assembled outside Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnells home in an explicit effort to disrupt his convalescence after a fall broke his shoulder. Their activities included round-the-clock shouting of obscenities, demanding that someone should stab him in the heart, and chanting murder Turtlea nickname political opponents have given the Senator.
In an attempt to document this harassment, a video of the crowds behavior was posted on McConnells Twitter account. Twitter froze McConnells account and demanded that the video be removed. Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey explained that the foul language in the video violates our standards. McConnells reply pointing out that the foul language emanated from his harassers failed to sway Dorsey.
Dorsey called McConnells action an invasion of privacy and an attempt to chill freedom of speech. The people outside his house were standing on a public street. The Supreme Court has ruled that foul language is protected speech. The demonstrators didnt agree to be videoed. Clearly, the Senator is in the wrong here. We had every right to ban his video.
It was only after Republicans vowed to stop buying ads on Twitter that the firm reversed its action and unfroze McConnells account. Sometimes being right isnt enough, Dorsey complained. The financial extortion being applied by these enemies of democracy has forced us to yield to injustice. Some will say that a business as big as ours could easily get by without their ad revenues. However, if you want to be a billion-dollar corporation youve got to grab every dollar you can. As long as were forced to operate under capitalism thats how we have to compete. Hopefully, a Democratic win in the 2020 election will usher in a different economic system.
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
Twitter and Facebook are both owned by that liberal creep Zuckerberg, who uses them to censor conservatives.
Twitter will be done in by its own foolishness. Some clever soul will bring it to its knees, most likely by figuring out how to weaponize Dorseys own algorithms against the company. Perhaps this individual will do something that gets him banned for an utterly ridiculous reason, but in a way that turns viral and thereafter randomly ensnares a growing tsunami of users. Twitter will be consumed by having to ban its own users indiscriminately and en masse.
Twitters epic fail is not so much bias as hubris. Jack Dorsey Twitter CEO and tool extraordinaire believes that he can use AI or machine learning to surveil and regulate the online speech of hundreds of millions of people to his own political leanings. Someone is going to call the question by tricking him into suddenly going all in on that agenda. Twitter will break.
Alternately, this could just happen spontaneously. Or some adolescent hacker in Asia could bring it on just for kicks. The point is that Twitter executives are too stupid to understand how vulnerable they have made their own platform. What they are letting Dorsey and others attempt by way of censorship puts their entire enterprise at great risk.
Twitter stock has doubled from levels that prevailed through much of 2016-2017. There are a lot of folks around the world who have impressive skills, lots of time on their hands and intrinsic curiosity about whether or not Twitter has given adequate thought to this agenda. Twitter would be a good stock to short.
It was only after Republicans vowed to stop buying Twitter ads that the firm reluctantly reversed itself.
Sometimes being right isnt enough, Dorsey complained. The financial extortion being applied by these
Republican enemies of democracy has forced us to yield to injustice. Hopefully, a Democratic win in 2020
will usher in a different economic system.
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