Skip to comments.Presidential Candidate Drops Out [semi-satire]
Posted on 09/24/2019 10:38:52 AM PDT by John Semmens
New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has dropped out of the race for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination, blaming the ingratitude of Democratic voters for the unique perspectives Ive brought to the campaign.
Among the unique perspectives cited by the Mayor were the overlooked progress Ive made in converting New York into a model society. Ive championed efforts to unlink compensation from work or achievement. My programs have gone a long way toward enhancing the habitat for urban vermin and allowed their populations to increase. San Francisco and Los Angeles have been garnering most of the headlines and few Democrats are aware of the leadership Ive demonstrated in this area.
De Blasio also blamed President Trump for unfairly ignoring New York and hyping the west coast cities. Our taxes are at least as high. Our rats are among the biggest in the country. Mentally deranged humans roam freely throughout the streets. We have driven more capitalist exploiters out of the state than any other city in America. It is shameful that as a native New Yorker himself Trump has chosen to boost the accomplishments of California to our detriment.
As if to rub it in, this week the Trump Administration filed a Notice of Environment Violation against San Francisco citing the runoff from human feces and used syringes deposited on the streets by the homeless. San Francisco Mayor London Breed called the move an intrusion on our sovereign right to govern this city as we see fit. If voters become displeased with what were doing they can elect someone else. The Trump Administration also rebuffed a Los Angeles appeal for federal aid to assist its homeless program, arguing that it would be unfair to tax the whole nation for the expense of cleaning up a mess caused by poor local policies. Excreting bodily waste onto the streets is illegal. Taking dangerous drugs is illegal. Harassing passersby demanding handouts is illegal. If the City were to make a genuine effort to enforce the law and still needs federal assistance then we could talk.
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