Liberals, Conservatives & Southerners: A Quiz

email | 02/07/04 | Unknown

[Fintan]

 

Question:

 

How do you tell the difference between Liberals, Conservatives, and Southerners?

 

Scenario:

 

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

 

You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
 

 

Liberal response:
 

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

 

What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?  We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
 

 

Conservative response:

BANG!
 

Southern response:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click....Reload... BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips??"

---

 

 

[Fintan]

Undoubtedly, many of you may have seen this but I thought it'd be fun to post it anyway...

[EuroFrog]

Wow! Im a Southerner!!! (Thought I was just married to one.)

[Happygal]

Ha! Ha! Brilliant! Love it!

[beckysueb]

I pulled this on the men in my family. Southerners! All of them. LOL

[taxcontrol]

I'm a conservative - I don't use cheap ammo and would like to spend as little on the perp as possible.

[rmlew]

So I'm a better shot than most Southern fathers?

[deepbluesee]

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint everyone here, but as much I dislike labels, you would definitely call me a liberal. So here's the bad news: I WOULD shoot the man and make sure that I killed him. I would not allow my young child to gloat afterward and wold be horrified if she did. And if she thought the whole thing was "cool" or a great opportunity to discuss munitions, I'd think I'd done a terrible job raising her. Thank you.

[deepbluesee]

LIBERAL: a definition
Source: WordNet ® 1.6, © 1997 Princeton University

adj 1: showing or characterized by broad-mindedness; "a broad political stance"; "generous and broad sympathies"; "a liberal newspaper"; "tolerant of his opponent's opinions" [syn: broad,tolerant] 2: having political or social views favoring reform and progress 3: tolerant of change; not bound by authoritarianism, orthodoxy, or tradition [ant: conservative] 4: given or giving freely; "was a big tipper"; "the bounteous goodness of God"; "bountiful compliments"; "a freehanded host"; "a handsome allowance"; "Saturday's child is loving and giving"; "a liberal backer of the arts"; "a munificent gift"; "her fond and openhanded grandfather" [syn: big,bighearted, bounteous, bountiful, freehanded, handsome, giving, openhanded] 5: not literal; "a loose interpretation of what she had been told"; "a free translation of the poem" [syn: free,loose] n 1: a person who favors a political philosophy of progress and reform and the protection of civil liberties [syn: progressive] [ant: conservative] 2: a person who favors an economic theory of laissez-faire and self-regulating markets

[billbears]

bump