Skip to comments.Why one born-again Christian got divorced (vanity)
Posted on 11/05/2004 6:14:27 PM PST by JockoManning
There are three valid reasons for divorce and they apply to Christians and non-Christians alike:
1. adultery 2. abuse 3. chronic and complusive selfishness
For seventeen years, from age 19 until age 36, I endured this at the hands of my now-Ex-husband. He beat me, he cheated on me, and he was utterly selfish.
I had heard that it brought shame to the Lord Jesus when Christians divorced, that God said divorce was necessary because people were hard hearted and too stubborn, and that as long as I kept "forgiving" my husband & continued being meek / quiet, I would win him over without speaking a word.
He beat me, he cheated on me, and he was utterly selfish. I had heard that it brought shame to the Lord Jesus when Christians divorced, that God said divorce was necessary because people were hard hearted and too stubborn, and that as long as I kept "forgiving" my husband & being meek / quiet, I would win him over without speaking a word.
I prayed for a miracle. I told the Almighty, "I'm doing my part, now You do Yours!"
Guess what? Nothing worked. All three destructive elements worsened as the years went by. And our son and our daughter had front row seats not to mention he was only a good father if there were people around he was trying to impress.
In 1989 I sat w/ hubby in a pastor's office to hear the pastor say that the only problem was that I had not forgiven hubby for his affairs. (!) A week later I told the pastor and hubby that I was giving hubby one more chance, but that it was the LAST chance (and I tried to be sincere in my forgiving attitude) so the marriage continued. Went right back into the nightmare, his verbal and emotional abuse, his utter selfishness. And he had all these "platonic" friendships with women and according to him, my being uncomfortable with that was an indication that I was too possessive / suspicious.
In 1992 on Labor Day weekend, hubby disappeared. For four days. He could never quite tell me where he had been. I told him I wanted him to go to marriage counseling. He showed up a couple times but was not cooperative. Then I found a receipt for a dozen roses he had sent to another woman as well as her business card. I called the number and asked the secretary if I could speak to "[insert hubby's name]" . She said that he didn't work there but he was a very close friend of "[Recipient of the Roses]".
Anyway, by summer of 1993 I had filed for divorce. By fall of 1994 Ex-hubby had married the lady to whom he had sent roses.
In 1999, I married someone else, a good Christian man, who has been a big blessing to me.
FWIW, there are some people getting divorced who should stay married, but there are also people staying married who should get divorced.
In my case, divorce was a gift from God, an answer to prayer.
I decided to post a new thread on this rather than replying to a recent thread because I paid dearly for many years to avoid the "scandal of Christian divorce" and I am going to disclose my exerience where folks who might be helped are more likely to see it, hence, this new thread.
I will refrain from myself. Good whatever it is you say to someone in this situation........I have a cousin who had a divorce ceremony at her church to celebrate the goodness of both parents divorcing......You know, not to confuse the kids and all.
I can't believe you lasted that long. Mr. AZ cheats on me I'm loading my gun. The guilt is not yours. Marriage is mutual respect & love (among other things). You didn't have either.
Here's my story.
as long as I kept "forgiving" my husband & being meek / quiet, I would win him over without speaking a word.
Even God knows that there are people whose hearts cannot be won over. Your pastor was a fool. He is as bad as the therapist that a friend's husband was seeing who encouraged him to get divorced just because he "wasn't happy".
God love you...your first marriage sounds EXACTLY like mine. I did the same thing; I put up with his selfishness, his pathological lying, his alcoholism, his amoral nature, etc. I thought it was my duty. One night, I begged God to save my marriage. My (ex)husband in a drunken rage for some imagined wrong I supposedly had committed against him (I cancelled my credit card when he used it behind my back--$4,000) he threw me out.
I filed for divorce a few days later, and never looked back. I took what he did that day as God's answer. I finally met a good, God fearing man, who is a wonderful husband and daddy. I feel like this is the marriage God has deemed and blessed.
I'm happy that your life has found a similar happy path...
The Bible is very clear that adultery is cause for divorce. I think chronic abuse should result at, the very least, your removal from the situation.
As a Christian, I can absolutely guarantee that God is still with you. Seek Him and His righteousness first.
God bless you dear. And yes, sometimes divorce is the right thing to do. (Happily divorced for 6 years.)
And thanks for sharing something so personal.
Since Jesus made adultery the exception for divorce, one should have no shame in divorcing an adulterous spouse.
The shame should be on those who try to keep you in an untenable situation with an adulterous spouse.
Alright Mrs. Manning. I hope Mr. Manning is a better husband than #1. We tend to repeat our mistakes.
You know, I wonder why you didn't just move out, and get away from a man who obviously had left you years before. If you didn't want to divorce, that is another issue. Who says you have to live with the person you are married to?
He broke the vows, he didn't honor you; didn't love you, didn't follow Eph.5, obviously did more than "look with lust" on another woman; (as per Matt 5) was not a "servant" to you; the marriage was over! And he did not care one second about Christ's ways. Because of this you can know that his prayers are hindered as per 2Peter3:7.
You stayed because you got something out of the marriage too. You admit here that you stayed because of PRIDE...which God says in his word, He HATES! Pride hurt you and your children. Yes, your husband was bad and wrong, but he did not hold all the power. You had choices, and you made them.
I thank God that the man finally left you, so that you could have a more God honoring life.
Your situation is very similar to my mother's situation, and it seems not that long ago for me, cause it wasn't. My mother divorced my father while I was in 2nd grade for similar reasons, I am now only 20 years old. I know exactly how you feel.
You are not alone here. There are many many of us who prayed for our spouses to be delivered; instead, we were delivered from the situation.
Marriage is sacred; WE are sacred to God. When the situation becomes such that we cannot live, God delivers us. I would have never left my situation were it not for the deliverance that was provided me through God's hand. It is not God's will that we should be exposed to possibly fatal diseases through an unrepentant spouse's sins, or be beaten until we are hurt. We, male and female, are as sacred to God as marriage itself is to God.
"In 1999, I married someone else, a good Christian man, who has been a big blessing to me."
So the Lord answered your prayer. He seldom leaves prayers spoken from the heart go un-answered to those that believe.
I am sure you shall continue giving Him praise for all he has done in your life. May your current marraige be long and loving, and lasting.
= = = divorce marker = = =
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