Posted on 11/19/2004 12:33:34 PM PST by TheBigB
There have been sooooo many typical Friday articles today...seems like folks are looking to blow off soem steam. :) So here we go...write whatever you want..."unnngh!" "All your base..." etc. Write about missing frogs (him name is pipkin green frog), big booties (please?), or even "ignore this thread!"
Whatever you want. :)
A senior citizens' group charters a bus from Burlington, IA to Branson, MO.
As they entered Missouri, an elderly woman comes up to the driver and says,
"I've just been molested!" The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream.
So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down. A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that she was just molested.
The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?
About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.
The bus driver decides that he'd had enough, and pulls into the first rest area. When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
"Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?" says the bus driver.
"I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times,
but every time I grab it, it runs away.
I have gas.
This is hugh!
(I've always wanted to do that!)
Hey! Where's the Bouncing Boob Technology™?
Let it all out, gang. ;-)
I wonder who the first person will be to go over Niagara Falls inside Al Gore...
This thread was already posted in 1998. Try doing a search! :-)
check back in a few bump
I've got a huge headche, so I'm ignoring your instructions and this thread.
hehhehheh
Smart@$$! :-)
Is it also series?
(also always wanted to do that)
MGY
"That's BigbooTAY! TAY"
WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
4. Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
5. Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
6. Dogs don't criticize your friends.
7. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
8. Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and then never laugh
at how you throw).
9. Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know
the most important thing is that you're together.
10. Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
11. You can train a dog.
12. Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
13. You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
14. Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
15. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the
*really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a
vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
16. Dogs understand what "no" means.
17. Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
18. Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
19. Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
20. Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
21. You can house train a dog.
22. You can force a dog to take a bath.
23. Dogs don't correct your stories.
24. Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger
owner.
25. Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
26. Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
27. Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
28. Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
29. Dogs admit it when they're lost.
30. Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
31. Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
32. Dogs take care of their own needs.
33. Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
34. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
35. Dogs are nice to your relatives.
HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both are threatened by their own kind.
4. Both like to chew wood.
5. Both mark their territory.
6. Both are bad at asking you questions.
7. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
8. Both tend to smell riper with age.
9. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
10. Both have an inordinate fascination with women.s crotches.
11. Neither does any dishes.
12. Both fart shamelessly.
13. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
14. Both like dominance games.
15. Both are suspicious of the postman.
16. Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
17. Neither understands what you see in cats.
WHY MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS
1. Men only have two feet to track in mud.
2. Men can buy you presents.
3. Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them
around the block.
4. Men are a little bit more subtle.
5. Men don't eat cat turds on the sly.
6. Men open their own cans.
7. Dogs have dog breath all the time.
8. Men can do math stuff.
9. Holiday Inns accept men.
My butt hurts
Har!
THere can only be one UNNNGH.. http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1235991/posts
/john
Wow, that's a lot of eye candy on your profile page. I have to visit more often.
My beeber is pinging.
Last time I did I got arrested for failing to conceal.
| Come join us on the Undead Thread (a ZOT thread), on its way to The Ultimate LimitTM: Last Post #65535. |
What is this thread all about?
(Except we're series about this, hughly series...)
O-tay. :-)
soem steam
Is that a particular type of steam?
I am so there.
Oh wait, it's you BigB.....sorry.....
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, when the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
HAPPY THANKSGIVING
Just farted.
Ping sweetie
Is Taco Bell the human Draino?
my contribution
http://www.howtofoldashirt.net/
Sign in Window
"WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE
SINGLE AMERICAN"
This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in
Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an
inflammatory statement. One would think that anti-hate groups
from all across the country would be marching on this business . . . and
that the National Guard might have to be called to keep the angry crowds
back.
But, perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the
proprietors simply make their statement . . We are a society which holds
Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty . And after all, it is
just a sign.
You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign?
Answer: A Funeral Home
Who said morticians had no sense of humor?
You gotta love it!!!
God Bless America!
How 'bout a Friday joke...
A MAN IS LYING IN BED IN THE HOSPITAL WITH AN
OXYGEN MASK OVER HIS MOUTH...
A YOUNG NURSE APPEARS TO SPONGE HIS HANDS AND
FEET "NURSE", HE MUMBLES FROM BEHIND THE MASK,
"ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?"
EMBARRASSED, THE YOUNG NURSE REPLIES,
"I DON'T KNOW, I'M ONLY HERE TO WASH
YOUR HANDS AND FEET"
HE STRUGGLES AGAIN TO ASK, NURSE,
"ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?"
FINALLY, SHE PULLS BACK THE COVERS,
RAISES HIS GOWN, HOLDS HIS PRIVATES IN ONE
HAND AND HIS TESTICLES IN HER OTHER HAND AND
TAKES A CLOSE LOOK AND SAY'S, "THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH THEM!"
FINALLY, THE MAN PULLS OFF HIS OXYGEN
MASK AND REPLIES,
"THAT WAS VERY NICE BUT, ARE --MY--TEST--RESULTS--BACK?"
Have a nice weekend.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay, I am so glad my office door was closed!!! :-)
No kidding.
*chuckles*
Wow, that's a lot of eye candy on your profile page. I have to visit more often.<--Thats my new favorite page.
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