Posted on 03/04/2005 9:02:18 AM PST by TheBigB
Woo Hoo! TGIF! Time for some FRIDAAAAAAY SILLINESS!! :^) Let loose and blow off some steam...post silly pics, jokes, nonsensical statements, or even IGNORE THIS THREAD!
"Silliness, sweeeet!"
An actual book about pet care. I swear!
It's not Christmas, but still...
Fierce Allegiance says he never listened to that Debbie Gibson tape in his truck. I don't believe him. :^)
Silliness ahoy, FRiends!! :^) Happy Friday!
WooHoo
Shalom.
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten
million bucks This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational
benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed
that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to
testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10
million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you
embezzled from me?"
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million
dollar is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger.
Martha Stewart just came out of her Beford farm house to offer the reporters outside in the cold surrounding the property hot chocolate and homemade brownies. She however neglected to tell them she had used Ex-Lax instead of Swiss chocolate..
That's a good one.
I pledge allegiance to the legs - er- flag...
They brought the first man into a room and said, "We need to know you will follow our instructions to the letter without question." They handed him a pistol and said, "Behind this door your wife is sitting in a chair. Go through the door and shoot her with this gun."
He said, "I can't shoot my wife."
They said, "Thank you, but you won't do," and let him go.
They brought the second man into a room and said, "We need to know you will follow our instructions to the letter without question." They handed him a pistol and said, "Behind this door your wife is sitting in a chair. Go through the door and shoot her with this gun."
He took a deep breath and went in. After a couple of seconds of silence he came out and said, "I just can't do it. I can't kill my wife."
They said, "Thank you, but you won't do," and let him go.
The brought the woman in and said, "We need to know you will follow our instructions to the letter without question." They handed her a pistol and said, "Behind this door your husband is sitting in a chair. Go through the door and shoot him with this gun."
She took the gun and went in. They heard several gunshots then some banging and clanging. Finally, the woman came out looking a little disheveled. She handed the gun back and said, "This thing was full of blanks. I had to beat the ba$tard to death with the chair."
Shalom.
TGIF, B!
Here ya go:
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet
I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "
but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh,
rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things
that are important to each other."
He addressed the man,
"Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,
"It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the
aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can
help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons
for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few
minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a
ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused,
"Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent
my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So,
I figure if I have to roll my own ............ so does she.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up
first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking
around here and you should do it, because that is your
job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it
is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New
Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says..........
"HEBREWS"
Happy Friday!
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