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*** OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD ***
3/25/05 | TheBigB

Posted on 03/25/2005 8:16:07 AM PST by TheBigB

Woo Hooooo! TGIF and Happy Easter everyone!! Time for another FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD! As always, feel free to post jokes, silly pics, nonsensical statements, or even to IGNORE THIS THREAD!

"Happy Easter!"

"Arrrgh, silliness!"

"Ahhh, Friday!"


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS:
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1 posted on 03/25/2005 8:16:07 AM PST by TheBigB
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To: TheBigB

And it's my birthday!!!


2 posted on 03/25/2005 8:16:58 AM PST by Mercat (smeeeeee)
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To: presidio9; Fierce Allegiance; Constitution Day; martin_fierro; Tijeras_Slim; Owl_Eagle; mhking; ...

Ping! C'mon over! :^)


3 posted on 03/25/2005 8:17:08 AM PST by TheBigB (TheBigB and Fierce Allegance -- the Dirk Diggler and Reed Rothchild of FR!)
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To: Mercat

Happy Birthday!


4 posted on 03/25/2005 8:17:45 AM PST by writer33 ("In Defense of Liberty," a political thriller, being released in March)
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To: Mercat

Happy Birthday!


5 posted on 03/25/2005 8:17:53 AM PST by eyespysomething (It starts off as a drum circle, next thing you know you've got a college.)
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To: Mercat

Hey, Happy Birthday!


6 posted on 03/25/2005 8:19:16 AM PST by TheBigB (TheBigB and Fierce Allegance -- the Dirk Diggler and Reed Rothchild of FR!)
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To: TheBigB

Many Happy Returns.


7 posted on 03/25/2005 8:19:29 AM PST by lillybet
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To: TheBigB

THIS SIGN IS POSTED AT A GOLF CLUB in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan




1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please ... while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes.

Well done! Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off.


8 posted on 03/25/2005 8:19:57 AM PST by annyokie (Laissez les bons temps rouler !)
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To: Mercat

Happy Birthday.


9 posted on 03/25/2005 8:20:06 AM PST by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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To: TheBigB

I am bored out of my mind. This schiavo mess and its coverage is saddening. I need a boost. Somebody make me laugh!!!


10 posted on 03/25/2005 8:20:50 AM PST by timtoews5292004
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To: TheBigB

Here's the best news of all: Not only is it Easter, but my socialist managing editor is leaving!

Hip, hip, hooray!

:)


11 posted on 03/25/2005 8:21:19 AM PST by writer33 ("In Defense of Liberty," a political thriller, being released in March)
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To: TheBigB
It's about time. I have some to add and I am about to leave for the day. So, let me start with this:


12 posted on 03/25/2005 8:21:23 AM PST by beachn4fun (When today becomes tomorrow, and tomorrow becomes today, where will you be?)
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To: Mercat

Happy Birthday! Now, what would you prefer for a present, the Easter Bunny or a massage from a cat?


13 posted on 03/25/2005 8:21:23 AM PST by zygoat
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To: TheBigB

Nice bunny.


14 posted on 03/25/2005 8:22:00 AM PST by BureaucratusMaximus ("We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good" - Hillary Clinton)
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To: TheBigB

First picture is interesting.


15 posted on 03/25/2005 8:22:05 AM PST by Grzegorz 246
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To: Mercat
Happy Birthday


16 posted on 03/25/2005 8:22:46 AM PST by beachn4fun (When today becomes tomorrow, and tomorrow becomes today, where will you be?)
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To: BureaucratusMaximus

Anna Nicole Smith. I'm still not sure if she even knew what she was wearing. Or where she was. Or even who she was. :^)


17 posted on 03/25/2005 8:22:54 AM PST by TheBigB (TheBigB and Fierce Allegance -- the Dirk Diggler and Reed Rothchild of FR!)
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To: TheBigB

I can't tell you HOW RELIEVED I AM TO GET THIS FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD.

Am I the only one who is sick with the morbidity of the last week? I need relief.


18 posted on 03/25/2005 8:23:13 AM PST by peacebaby (somewhere at the beach there's an empty chair just waiting for me.)
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To: timtoews5292004

I know how you feel. Yesterday I vowed to laugh, just to break the monotony. Well at the end of the day, I found some funny things to joke about.

I fear that the end is close for Terri. Judge Greer has won. So I again vow to laugh today. So I am going to be looking for the jokes with you.


19 posted on 03/25/2005 8:24:00 AM PST by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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To: zygoat

Oh, a cat massage without question. I get my new little pixie bob/lynx next week.


20 posted on 03/25/2005 8:24:03 AM PST by Mercat (smeeeeee)
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To: TheBigB
HAPPY EASTER WEEKEND!!


21 posted on 03/25/2005 8:24:37 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (TV News and the MSM - - - ROTFLMAO)
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To: TheBigB

Thanks for the thread!


22 posted on 03/25/2005 8:24:42 AM PST by RushCrush (The FReeper formerly known as Alias. "Crime does not pay...as well as politics." A. E. Newman)
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To: TheBigB

23 posted on 03/25/2005 8:24:57 AM PST by jriemer (We are a Republic not a Democracy)
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To: TheBigB

UH??? Who cares?


24 posted on 03/25/2005 8:25:12 AM PST by marine86297 (I'll never forgive Clinton for Somalia, my blood is on his hands)
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To: Mercat; carra
Happy birthday!!!!!

25 posted on 03/25/2005 8:25:20 AM PST by w1andsodidwe (Jimmy Carter allowed radical Islam to get a foothold in Iran.)
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To: beachn4fun


"Oh, bee-have!"
26 posted on 03/25/2005 8:25:21 AM PST by reagan_fanatic ("Darwinism is a belief in the meaninglessness of existence" - R. Kirk)
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To: Mercat

Happy Birthday... I won't ask you age either....


27 posted on 03/25/2005 8:25:41 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (TV News and the MSM - - - ROTFLMAO)
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To: Mercat

Happy Birthday, mine was yesterday!


28 posted on 03/25/2005 8:25:43 AM PST by seeker41
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To: TheBigB

29 posted on 03/25/2005 8:25:45 AM PST by maggief
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To: All
(WARNING! Semi-naughty joke ahead!)

.

.

.

So this lovely young co-ed goes to the doctor for a checkup. After she gets undressed, the doc notices the outline of a large "M" across her torso.

Dr.: "What is that?"

Co-ed: *giggling* "Oh, my boyfriend goes to the University of Michigan. Whenever we make love he likes to keep his varsity jacket on."

Satisfied, the doc lets it go. The next day, another comely young co-ed comes in and gets undressed. He sees another "M" across her front.

Dr: *chuckling* "I'll bet your boyfriend goes to Michigan, right?"

Co-ed: "No, but my girlfriend goes to Wisconsin."

30 posted on 03/25/2005 8:26:01 AM PST by TheBigB (TheBigB and Fierce Allegance -- the Dirk Diggler and Reed Rothchild of FR!)
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To: TheBigB

Anger Management!
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, "Hello"
I politely said, "This is Andrew. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone,I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop.So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?"
He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window ....so, I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole."
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."
Then I called Asshole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are?"
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.
There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.
NOW, I feel better


31 posted on 03/25/2005 8:26:17 AM PST by Conspiracy Guy (dotdotdot dashdashdash dotdotdot)
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To: TheBigB

-Eric

32 posted on 03/25/2005 8:26:18 AM PST by E Rocc
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To: beachn4fun

33 posted on 03/25/2005 8:26:25 AM PST by beachn4fun (When today becomes tomorrow, and tomorrow becomes today, where will you be?)
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To: TheBigB

I got this in my e-mail this morning. I wasn't going to post it, since a google search on it yields a million hits and I figured everybody but me must have already seen it. But since you asked for silliness, here it is:





Did You Know ....

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)


A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Do not try this at home. Maybe at work.)

The male pray mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes... lucky pig. can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(OK, so that would be a good thing....................)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone.


34 posted on 03/25/2005 8:27:12 AM PST by Maceman (Too nuanced for a bumper sticker)
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To: TheBigB

35 posted on 03/25/2005 8:27:17 AM PST by Jet Jaguar
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To: TheBigB

36 posted on 03/25/2005 8:27:38 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: reagan_fanatic
No, I'm having too much fun........weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..............


37 posted on 03/25/2005 8:28:02 AM PST by beachn4fun (When today becomes tomorrow, and tomorrow becomes today, where will you be?)
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To: seeker41

Mine was sunday the 13th. The big 2-6.


38 posted on 03/25/2005 8:28:28 AM PST by timtoews5292004
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To: Mercat
Bappy Hirthday!

Hippy Barthday!

Hoppy Bathday!

Oh ... nevermind.

Many Happy Returns!

Shalom.

39 posted on 03/25/2005 8:28:32 AM PST by ArGee (Why do we let the abnormal tell us what's normal?)
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To: Mercat

Happy Birthday!


40 posted on 03/25/2005 8:28:38 AM PST by tiamat (Some days, it's not even worth chewing through the restraints.)
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To: peacebaby; All

Same here.. I think we all need to calm down and take a chill pill.


41 posted on 03/25/2005 8:28:48 AM PST by KevinDavis (Let the meek inherit the Earth, the rest of us will explore the stars!)
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To: Jet Jaguar
Hi you!


42 posted on 03/25/2005 8:29:05 AM PST by beachn4fun (When today becomes tomorrow, and tomorrow becomes today, where will you be?)
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To: TheBigB
As my mother always said, "Don't pick your nose in the car. What would happen if we hit a bump?"

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

43 posted on 03/25/2005 8:29:25 AM PST by ElkGroveDan
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To: seeker41

Did you ever celebrate your birthday on Easter? I did, when I was five. Now you can go figure out how old I am. LOL.


44 posted on 03/25/2005 8:29:41 AM PST by Mercat (smeeeeee)
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To: tiamat
Hi you too!


45 posted on 03/25/2005 8:29:43 AM PST by beachn4fun (When today becomes tomorrow, and tomorrow becomes today, where will you be?)
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To: Conspiracy Guy

Thanks I needed that.


46 posted on 03/25/2005 8:29:59 AM PST by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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To: timtoews5292004
OK, here goes.

Three men die on the same day and find themselves outside the Pearly Gates. St. Peter meets them and explains that Heaven is getting a bit crowded so they've instituted a test to gain admittance to Paradise. He looks at the first guy and asks, "What is Easter?"

"Easter," the guy says, "That's the holiday when the family gets together and cooks a big turkey dinner. Everybody sits around eating and watching football. That's Easter."

"Sorry," says St. Pete, "You're wrong. You go to Hell." He turns the the next man and repeats the question.

"Easter," the man says. "That's when everybody gets together and decorate the tree, buys presents, sings carols, and enjoys the Easter holiday season. That's Easter."

"Sorry," says St. Pete, "You're wrong. You go to Hell." He turns the the last man and repeats the question.

"Easter," the man says. "On Good Friday, Jesus was crucified on the cross, died and was buried. Three days later he rose from the dead, left the tomb, saw his shadow, and there were six more weeks...

47 posted on 03/25/2005 8:30:22 AM PST by Non-Sequitur
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To: w1andsodidwe


48 posted on 03/25/2005 8:30:44 AM PST by BureaucratusMaximus ("We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good" - Hillary Clinton)
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To: Mercat

Actually I did too. But I can't remember if it has happened since mine. I'm guessing 50-something?


49 posted on 03/25/2005 8:31:01 AM PST by beachn4fun (When today becomes tomorrow, and tomorrow becomes today, where will you be?)
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To: timtoews5292004
U.S.Service Units-ADVICE

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy."
-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
-U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
-Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
-U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
-Gen.Mac Arthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
-Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
-U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways."
-U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
-Infantry Journal

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."
-U. S Navy Swabbie

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
-David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
-Infantry Journal

"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."
-Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
-Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
-Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
-Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him & try to pass him."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

Shalom.

50 posted on 03/25/2005 8:31:36 AM PST by ArGee (Why do we let the abnormal tell us what's normal?)
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