How About Some Original Limericks ?

05/09/05 | vanity

[genefromjersey]

To lighten up our week (I've been up to my neck in deadly serious stuff !),I propose a thread devoted to original limericks.

Nothing obscene,mind you,but you have to make them up on the spot.A little "juvenile" humor - such as the following - is okay.

Should there be a prize? Maybe an autographed full-length photo of The Hero of Chappaquiddick in a bathing suit?

(Well,okay: maybe not !)

Without further ado, I present:

GRANNY FRANNIE

Frannie the flatulent granny
Once filled every nook,niche,and cranny
Of her church with such vapors
It made all the papers.
"Where's everyone gone?",cried old Frannie.

[jimbo123]

There once was a man from Nantucket...

[Billthedrill]

When making the law here, our host,
Got to sentence the perps he loathed most.
"I'll give a hot Zot
"To a troll who is caught
"And DEATH FOR A VANITY POST!"

[Rakkasan1]

the once was man named Newt
the dims thought him quite a galloot.
he'll run in 08 ,the dims love to hate
a man who will give them the boot.

[real saxophonist]

There once was a Freeper from Jersey
Who asked for some limericks. Mercy!
I asked Laz'Mataz,
He gave me a Razz
And said, We here on Free Republic only accept Haiku.

8~)

[Enterprise]

From Jersey writes our friend Gene
He asks please don't be obscene
It's a really tough trick
To create a clean limerick
It's so hard to do that it's MEAN!

[taxcontrol]

There once was a shrew named Hillery
Who saw the President as Pillery
She is a political whore
I'd call her more
But the truth would violate Chivalry

[pissant]

OK. How's this:

There once was a hottie named Dasher

And every freeper-dude wanted to mash her

But she started to fret

And played hard to get

So all we can do now is flash her!

[genefromjersey]

Bill,maybe you'd rather go here:http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1396311/posts

[Dashing Dasher]

It was so beautiful - I wept!

[alisasny]

There once was a guy named Gene
He lived in Jersey, sight unseen...


AND HAD WAY TOO MUCH FREE TIME : )~~~

[pissant]

Yes, it is nice. The floweres that accompany it should be on your porch when you get home. ;o)

[Charles Henrickson]

Should there be a prize? Maybe an autographed full-length photo of The Hero of Chappaquiddick in a bathing suit?

A contest to write a fun limerick--
You'd think they'd discover a winner quick.
But the contest's demise
Was the choice of a prize:
The winner would pick up a Swimmer pic!

[martin_fierro]

Some contend that a Cinquain's the thing,
or a Haiku, with its Yan and Ying;
I pondered a Sonnet,
then said, "Fie upon it!"

And instead send this Limerick

[F16Fighter]

If ANYONE has kept any material from the Rachel Corrie poetry thread that was pulled once upon a time, please post....

Talk about classic "original" limericks.

[genefromjersey]

If you only accept that thar "haiku"
Ah thank ah'll go pedal my bike,Lou:
All that silly-bull countin'
'Bout a stream an' a mountain
Puts a strain on mah pore li'l I-Q !

[F16Fighter]

"There once was a hottie named Dasher

And every freeper-dude wanted to mash her..."

Funny, P-Man.

I can't wait for the retaliatory incoming...:-D

[PatrickHenry]

Hiaku, classic form: 3 lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables:

Here's my Hiaku crude,
Written while totally nude,
FreeRepublic cheers.

[VadeRetro]

I abhor anything pornographic,
In such items I never will traffic.
But my bold, restless mind,
Satisfaction will find,
In the old National Geographic.

[VadeRetro]

A ping unto you was intended,
And I hope that I have not offended.
If post number 19
In your queue is not seen,
Then things once again must be amended.

[CitizenM]

My 'puter capabilities don’t include,
Reception from your web cam, dude.
Thank goodness! I'm so glad,
'Cause I think t’would be bad
To see Freeper PatrickHenry in the nude!

[Dashing Dasher]

I've chosen to take this as a compliment.

Pissant knows better than to pi** me off!

;-)

[Pharmboy]

A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room;
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what of which
And to whom.

[Dashing Dasher]

any material from the Rachel Corrie poetry thread

I heard it was flat!

[F16Fighter]

Heh!

[Charles Henrickson]

As no target's outsmartin' the arrow,
No fun thread gets by martin_fierro.
Never seen such a thing,
And so here with a zing
Comes a ping from our gay caballero!

[martin_fierro]

Comes a ping from our gay caballero!

I PEG your bardon...?

[Charles Henrickson]

Happy, I meant. :-)

[Rakkasan1]

the once was man named DeLay
the dims thought they'd get their way
use the nuclear option, put the dims up for adoption
to compromise now would be gay.

[martin_fierro]

No problemo.

The ruffles confuse people.

[Charles Henrickson]

[real saxophonist]

Lazamataz, Lazamataz...
Lazamataz Lazamataz Lazamataz.
Lazamataz, Lazamataz
Lazamataz Lazamataz
Lazamataz Lazamataz Lazamataz!

[real saxophonist]

If you don't get that, go watch Being John Malkovich.

Which I heard was originally going to be Being Willem Dafoe, but Willem said he wasn't going to be an obscure reference on Free Republic years later, so Malkovich got the part.

[Charles Henrickson]

BTW, Robert Preston wasn't in real life, he just played one in one movie.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

Here's a page with a whole bunch of politically flavored limericks!
All written by Freeper "dionysus".

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

My personal favorite:

The impeccably natty Dan Rather
Shaves close ‘fore the camera-folks gather
But when his image came back
From his chat in Iraq
The stuff ‘round his mouth wasn’t lather.

[supercat]

There once was a man from Nantucket...

...who kept all his cash in a bucket.
      But his daughter Nan
      ran away with her man.
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

[beyond the sea]

There once was a runaway bride

Said she must run away and hide

But there was no blue van

No Hispanic man

Now no one is on her side

[beyond the sea]

ROFL

[genefromjersey]

A poster by the name of Alisa
Was no kin to sweet Mother Theresa;
And would rail in "The Blogs"
About Damn Bloody Wogs
While munching an anchovy pizza.

(best i could do on short notice,said ogden.i have to go fix my nash.)

[pissant]

Melding poetry with current events. You're a genuis!

[fredhead]

Can't think of one myself, but came to the realization some time ago that "Victim of Love" by the Eagles is a limerick:

What kind of love have you got
You should be home but you're not
A room full of noise
And dangerous boys
Still makes you thirsty and hot

I heard about you and that man
There's just one thing I don't understand
You say he's a liar
And he put out your fire
How come you still got his gun in your hand

Victim of love, I see your broken heart
I could be wrong but I'm not
Victim of love, it's such an easy part
What kind of love have you got?

[psychedelicate63]

Another old one.....
I dined with the dutchess of Lee
who asked do you fart when you pee?
Said I with quick wit,
do you belch when you sh*t?
Hey dutchess, chalk one up for me!

[beyond the sea]

Melding poetry with current events. You're a genuis!

..........trapped...... in a world of genius.......quite a responsibility.

;-)

[Fam4Bush]

I know of a FReeper name King...
Whose threads cover most anything.
He attax from the "right"
As he posts thru the night,
And he always types "pong" for a ping.

[kingattax]

LOL..thats very good !....we have a poet laureate in FR :)

[mrs. a]

Pa followed the pair to Pawtucket -
(the man and the girl with the bucket.)
He said to the man,
"You are welcome to Nan,"
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.

[Aracelis]

'Cause I think t’would be bad
To see Freeper PatrickHenry in the nude!

Oh, I don't know about that...

[kevkrom]

Ummm... I would, but I have a really nice non-banned record I'm trying to maintain...

[kevkrom]

From Jersey writes our friend Gene
He asks please don't be obscene
It's a really tough trick
To create a clean limerick
It's so hard to do that it's MEAN!

I once entered this in a contest (didn't win, unfortunately):

At first I set out to devise
Some lyrics to win me the prize
But once I had see
That it had to be clean
Half my words I was forced to revise.