Nature of Friendship Among Women Explored

Wisconsin State Journal ^ | July 9, 2005 | Jay Rath

[laceybrookesdad]

Hi babe, Interesting article!

[Die_Hard Conservative Lady]

I have two friends that I've been close to for over 10 years.... They are as close as my sister and I. but overall, I would rather work with men over women, only bewcause "we" can be catty!

[Feiny]

I have a solid core group of female friends that have been around for years. I am almost 37 and my best friends were all made during high school and through my early 20's. Once I got into my 30's, I noticed it was much harder to make new friends. I have made many "acquaintances" in 7 years, but only 2 real friends (one of them was even another freeper).

Although I don't see the girls very often, we are all still close. A sure way to ensure you won't see much of me is to talk about your kids all the time or bitch about your men. I hate that kind of talk....which may be why I prefer to hang out with my guy friends....that & they like to drink.

[Dashing Dasher]

You know what's so funny - I feel closer to some of the women I've met on FR than I feel to others I've know for ten years.

The women I have met through FR have mirrored my philosophies and independent attitudes. They don't whine - they move on, plan, execute, live fully.

I have female "friends" that I've known for years that still talk about their ex-es from maybe ten years ago. They can't let go of the past, blame others for their circumstances and generally just mope. I have no time for it - myself.

[Feiny]

But it is sometimes a bit weird trying to explain to "real" people about your "freeper" friends. Between shooting events, protests & parties, I have met many freepers in person so that makes them more "real".

[codyjacksmom]

Yeah, I read through some of it, but it just doesn't seem to apply to me. Maybe it's because I don't let people get close. I handle things more like a man does according to this article. OH NO!!! AM I A MAN???? LOL

[Goodgirlinred]

Just read your post to Allegra. The "tame me" got my attention. I was friends for two years with a man a few years older than I am. We were just friends as far as I was concerned, but he wanted more. He kept saying he wanted to "tame me." Nothing makes me run faster in the other direction than to hear those words. What are we, wild animals?

[Dashing Dasher]

Actually, to them - yes.

But - our "spunk" is what they fell for at first - but then they want to "tame" it out of us.

BARF!!!

My last major relationship was the poster boy for this "taming" thing. Good riddance.

[Dashing Dasher]

Read this....

[k2blader]

Hmm, let's see. Understand women, or build bridge to Hawaii? Guess I better decide how many lanes that will be.

Hurry it up, wouldja?!

[Goodgirlinred]

I have two friends with whom I have been very close for over 25 years. However, we did things as couples. Now that my husband has passed away, things are different. The one who has been my friend the longest does not live in my community. However, she still maintains contact and we get together. My friends in my community have seemed to drift away. Partially my fault, I guess, because I feel like a fifth wheel and the memories are painful. We all went out as couples from our early twenties, in my case since I was a teenager since I am younger.

I have made new friends on line who are also widows due to the same disease. We are close even though we don't get to see each other often. We share our feelings more than I can share them with my oldest friends. That is because we have this widowhood thing in common and the fact that we nursed our husbands during their battles with the same illness. We have found, though, that we have many other things in common. Our relationships are comfortable and sustain us in the most difficult and loneliest times.

I like male friends, but when you have lost your husband, you don't get to have them anymore. Everyone seems to assume there has to be a romantic relationship if you are friends with a man.

[laceybrookesdad]

OH NO!!! If your a man, that would mean I'm gay. I can't be gay, I'm a lesbian! LOL

[Trillian]

I am exactly the same way..

[Mr. Jeeves]

Most men who approach me probably do so because they're interested in a romantic relationship...

Correct.

...and then it ends up becoming a friendship when they realize how cool I am...

They haven't given up on the romance, they are hoping you will change your mind, and playing "friend" to stay in the game.

...but that is never satisfactory for very long.

To paraphrase some good advice to men I heard a while back:

"Making friends with single women is like playing with your food. It's rude, unsatisfying, and eventually someone will come along and eat it right off of your plate, leaving you disappointed...and hungry." ;)

[Trillian]

You just described my mother and sister. I'm glad I at least I have an awesome sister in law to confide in when I need to talk to another woman who is family.

[SilentServiceCPOWife]

Conservative women tend to be "successful", both professionally and in their relationships.

I'd agree with that, but I'd also add that IMO to be a conservative woman, you have to be able to think like a man in some respects. Instead of reacting emotionally to a given situation, as both male and female liberals do, conservative women are more likely to ananlyze an issue and come to a conclusion based on the facts presented to them. Of course that isn't always the case... :-)

[patton]

I thought the adage was, a guy gets married thinking she'll never change, a girl thinking she can change him - neither gets what they expected.

[Dashing Dasher]

Sometimes the roles are reversed.

Sometimes everyone wants to change everyone.

[teenyelliott]

I'm not sure about the professional, successful thing. I'm a stay at home mom, as are lots of FReeper women. I think conservative women get along better with men in general because we have a strong set of morals, principles and beliefs that generally don't fit well with the "I need closure, I hear what you're saying and I feel that . . ., I can't infringe on my child's self esteem" group of women.

Many, many women are concerned with surface existence. Whatever is currently in Cosmo, Glamour, InStyle, People, whatever, is what they spend their time discussing. Who has the "cutest" clothes, who does your hair, let's do lunch, what color is that nail polish, puke, puke, puke.

Men, in general of course, are concerned with facts and history and world events and economics and discipline and things that go deeper than their hair color. And they are NEVER offended by even the dirties joke. Gotta love that.

Needless to say, I have never had a lasting friendship with a woman. Inevitably they go the poor pitiful me route with their husbands, or they think it's okay for their kids to throw a fit and get their way, or they start a competition of some sort. Fuggit. I like men.

I will say, however, that FReeper women seem to be some of the most level headed women I have met.

[SilentServiceCPOWife]

I'm a stay-at-home Mom myself and I consider it a profession. :-)

And what else needs to be said? You summed it up perfectly.