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Terrible Flight Experiences (Vanity)

Posted on 09/16/2005 12:56:14 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas

On the flight home this morning, I was unfortunate enough to have a bleeder sit next to me. By bleeder, I mean he was invading my space because he was large and his body was spilling over into my seat. I've seen worse cases than what I had today but let's hear your experiences.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: a; aa; airlinefood; b; bb; beachedwale; bigtime; bloodpressure; blubber; buytwoseats; c; cc; cryingkids; d; dd; donutshop; e; eatstoomuch; ee; enourmous; excercise; f; fat; ff; g; gg; h; heartattack; hh; i; ii; j; jj; k; kennedy; kk; krispiecream; l; lardass; large; ll; m; mm; n; nn; o; obnoxious; oo; outsidetheenvelope; overgrossedflight; p; peanuts; pig; pp; pushawayfromtable; putdownthefork; q; qq; r; rr; rude; s; ss; t; teddy; tedkennedy; tt; u; uu; v; vv; w; weightbalanceerror; whale; ww; x; xx; y; yy; z; zz
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1 posted on 09/16/2005 12:56:14 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas
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To: PaulaB; tuffydoodle; Millee; Rose of Sharn; teenyelliott

ping


2 posted on 09/16/2005 12:57:00 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell.)
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To: Maximus of Texas

I was once on a sold-out 11 hour trans-Pacific flight---in coach and with a little girl traveling alone throwing up across the aisle from me and a middle-aged guy throwing up in the seat next to me.


3 posted on 09/16/2005 12:59:03 PM PDT by hispanarepublicana (No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
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To: Maximus of Texas

Did you say anything to him?  As a veteran of public transportation, a loud, clear "You're going to need to move because we can't continue with you touching me." works well.

  Owl_Eagle

(If what I just wrote makes you sad or angry,

 it was probably sarcasm)

4 posted on 09/16/2005 12:59:19 PM PDT by South Hawthorne (In Memory of my Dear Friend Henry Lee II)
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To: Maximus of Texas

Ted Kennedy?


5 posted on 09/16/2005 12:59:48 PM PDT by YouPosting2Me
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To: Maximus of Texas

Lets hear all the woeful stories of those people that have had some other humans invade their space.


6 posted on 09/16/2005 1:01:17 PM PDT by cynicom
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To: Maximus of Texas

Love the keywords...


7 posted on 09/16/2005 1:02:39 PM PDT by YouPosting2Me
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To: Maximus of Texas

One reason I am obsessed with great financial success is so I can charter a nifty Gulfstream IV whenever I want to fly anywhere! Even though I'd charter it, I'd refer to it as 'my jet,' especially to gullible, attractive women I would meet. :-)


8 posted on 09/16/2005 1:02:47 PM PDT by HitmanLV
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To: Owl_Eagle

No, I just leaned a bit to my left and avoided contact. A former boss once had a real bad case of it, to the point that he couldn't avoid contact and when the flight ended his whole side was wet because of the sweat generated from the two bodies touching.


9 posted on 09/16/2005 1:03:48 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell.)
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To: Maximus of Texas

Well, besides lengthy flighyt delays, the crying baby for 3 hours, the chop so bad the flight attendents had to sit for a whole hour, the missed connections, the ticket counter agent lying to us (and getting caught), the crappy food, the 60 minute flight that takes 2 hours which means you miss the meeting, the bitchy stewardesses, the man next to me crying and drinking up a storm because he hates to fly, the snowed in airport, the lost luggage, the hour wait for baggage and the flight that got changed to 30 minutes earlier without any warning....

no complaints


10 posted on 09/16/2005 1:04:29 PM PDT by misterrob
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To: Maximus of Texas

Eeewwww


11 posted on 09/16/2005 1:05:53 PM PDT by hispanarepublicana (No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
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To: cynicom

Like your post...?


12 posted on 09/16/2005 1:06:10 PM PDT by dakine
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To: Maximus of Texas
Try having two kids from South America screaming in Spanish for three hours. When I asked them to please keep it down I got no comprende from the parents and the Airline people are never any help. The seat back kicking almost made me go grab the gun from the air Marshall.
13 posted on 09/16/2005 1:07:18 PM PDT by satchmodog9 (Murder and weather are our only news)
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To: Maximus of Texas

Ya know,
I may have had some bad flights,
but as long as I'm not driving or riding on a bus, train or car...

Flyin' is great.

THAT is how much I hate ridin'.


14 posted on 09/16/2005 1:07:57 PM PDT by najida (So, I said to myself -Self, I really think shrimp heads in the flower pots as compost is a bit much!)
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To: satchmodog9

When that happens, just grab the flight-phone and pretend to make a call to a loved-one, shouting loudly, "Hey, darlin'! They finally let me out of quarantine!!! I'm on my way home!"


15 posted on 09/16/2005 1:09:08 PM PDT by hispanarepublicana (No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
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To: Maximus of Texas

I haven't had any really bad flying experiences, but one that really wore me down was an 11-hour non-stop flight during which I was seated in the middle seat between a 4-year old girl who wanted my constant attention (she had the window seat), and her mother (on the aisle) who kept her earphones in almost the entire trip, watched the movies, and pretty much ignored us both and let me babysit. The mom never once offered to switch seats so that she could attend to her daughter, and she never told her daughter to hush up and give me any peace. I guess I could have been rude, but the 4-year old didn't know any better, and I didn't really want to get into a "thing" with mom for 11 hours. The flight was full, and I was stuck.


16 posted on 09/16/2005 1:10:26 PM PDT by Cecily
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To: Cecily

Man, that sucks. I would have started drinking big time and then maybe the mom would have gotten worried about her daughter sitting next to a drunk.

I had a recent trip where a young child kept staring at me from across the aisle. It was one of those things where you could tell someone was looking at you, you know? Bugged the crap out of me. Forunately, it was only a 1.5 hour flight and I tried to sleep most of the way.


17 posted on 09/16/2005 1:13:09 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell.)
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To: Maximus of Texas

Was trying to impress pretty stewardess who sat down beside me. Things were going really well, until I got airsick and vomited. Not too cool being regarded as "hazardous waste" for rest of flight.


18 posted on 09/16/2005 1:13:52 PM PDT by melt (A grimy Michael Moore "film" sticks to you like New Orleans slime .)
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To: Maximus of Texas
A couple of years ago

my mom and I flew to Seattle

on the way there we notice a mom/dad/2kids

come one...the mom sat in a seat

between 2 gentleman across from us and the dad

along with the 2 kids sat behind mom...

the whole flight mom is downing whiskey and chasing it with red bull

nothing wrong with that BUT both kids wanted questions

answered and dad decides headphones are going

to keep him sane so we had to listen to

mom flirting with 2 men 3 sheets to the wind

dad singing along with music via his headphones

kids saying

mom/dad why
mom/dad are we there
mom/dad why
mom/dad why

on and on and on
19 posted on 09/16/2005 1:14:30 PM PDT by PaulaB
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To: melt

LOL


20 posted on 09/16/2005 1:16:32 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell.)
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To: Maximus of Texas; MotleyGirl70; Larry Lucido
Elaine: Oh, look at this... He's sleeping and I have to go to the bathroom. Maybe he'll wake up soon. What if my kidneys burst? Is it worth it not to wake this man up to damage a major organ? I hope this disgusting slob appreciates what I'm doing for him...

To passenger on the other side of her, but still to herself:
Yeah, make a little more noise with your gum-- that's helpful.

21 posted on 09/16/2005 1:17:04 PM PDT by Cagey
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To: Maximus of Texas

I was flying Chicago to Denver, where I had to sprint through O'Hare to catch my flight, (I was hung over & slept in so I didn't even shower) and by the time I made my flight I was sweating & had long island iced teas flowing out of every pore. I sat in my seat, contemplating using the "distress bag" when Mr. Hottie McHot sat next to me. He was very friendly and I was such wretched looking drunk! Longest most self-conscious flight ever!


22 posted on 09/16/2005 1:17:52 PM PDT by Millee
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To: Maximus of Texas
1) Flying home in my Class A uniform in 1973 from Germany, a very large lady with two small children had two seats beside me, meaning one child had to be held the entire way. The stewardess ask if I would move to the only empty seat on the plane so the lady could have the extra one. I was only too happy to move and thanked the lady who asked me. Thirty minutes later as they started serving she dropped three lasagna meals into the still empty seat where I had been.

2) Coming out of Atlanta on Eastern, with my wife, in the late 70's the left engine blew up. A stewardess sat down in the empty seat next to me and started crying.

3) Landing at John Wayne in the 80's as we were about 200 feet off the runway the pilot gave it everything he had and we rattled for 3 minutes trying to gain altitude over the Pacific. A Cessna had crossed the runway in front of us.

4) Leaving Munich once they had the entire plane get off and unloaded our bags on the runway. We had to hand ID our bags then get back aboard. As we left about two hours late, three bags, half the cops in Germany, and a bunch of dogs were standing on the taxiway.

Other than that, no real problems .............. OH except when I was about 6 I threw up all over a Hughes Tool plane between Calgary and Houston.........

23 posted on 09/16/2005 1:18:49 PM PDT by HoustonCurmudgeon (Houston Astrodome - Compassionate Conservatism at work!)
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To: Millee

You know, I fly a lot and I just realized that I never have any babes sitting next to me. Life ain't fair sometimes.


24 posted on 09/16/2005 1:19:45 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell.)
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To: najida

Here, here!

An hour and ten minute flight from Boston to DC is better than a 4.5 hour chinatown bus ride to New York, then another 4.5 hour chinatown bus ride from New York to DC.


25 posted on 09/16/2005 1:20:18 PM PDT by BostonianRightist (Well, boys, I reckon this is it - nuclear combat toe to toe with the Roosskies.)
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To: Millee
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

It always happens that way..doesn't it???
26 posted on 09/16/2005 1:20:40 PM PDT by PaulaB
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To: HoustonCurmudgeon

Remind me to never board a flight with you! :)


27 posted on 09/16/2005 1:21:05 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell.)
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To: HoustonCurmudgeon

Remind me to never board a flight with you! :)


28 posted on 09/16/2005 1:21:08 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell.)
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To: Maximus of Texas
I was in the Army at the time and flying from Newark, NJ to Boston. At that time you could board an Eastern flight and just take any seat you wanted to. Of course like today you never knew who was going to sit next to you.

A fellow soldier had an ingenious idea on how to keep the seat next to him unoccupied. He'd take a string about 10 inches long and let the majority of it hang from the corner of his mouth. Unless the plane was full, it worked.

29 posted on 09/16/2005 1:21:35 PM PDT by Cagey
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To: BostonianRightist

Then you understand why I think RV's are the work of the devil ;)

I will fly anywhere before I'll ride there.


30 posted on 09/16/2005 1:21:55 PM PDT by najida (So, I said to myself -Self, I really think shrimp heads in the flower pots as compost is a bit much!)
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To: Millee
I sat in my seat, contemplating using the "distress bag" when Mr. Hottie McHot sat next to me.

Yea, I remember. :-)

31 posted on 09/16/2005 1:22:02 PM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: Maximus of Texas; PaulaB

No it ain't fair! We'll see if Mr. McHot is a freeper if he starts out, "On my way to Denver, I had to sit next to this unmade bed reeking of cheap booze..."


32 posted on 09/16/2005 1:24:13 PM PDT by Millee
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To: Maximus of Texas; Millee
I guess the only time I have felt serious jet lag/sickness

was standing in customs in Tokyo

The Japanese are NOT in a hurry and

I had just come off a 13 hour flight from Dallas

I swear I almost lost it with every Japanese worker

in that airport I was so sick....

but didn't want to end up in a jail in Japan so

just stayed green and to myself
33 posted on 09/16/2005 1:24:18 PM PDT by PaulaB
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To: Maximus of Texas

Oh, you mean a fleshy flyer.


34 posted on 09/16/2005 1:25:23 PM PDT by Tatze (I voted for John Kerry before I voted against him!)
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To: Larry Lucido

LOL!! I knew we'd cross paths again!


35 posted on 09/16/2005 1:25:35 PM PDT by Millee
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To: Cagey

That would work on Southwest! Great idea!!


36 posted on 09/16/2005 1:25:45 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell.)
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To: Millee

So, I guess I look a little bit different sober, huh? ;-)


37 posted on 09/16/2005 1:26:14 PM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: Maximus of Texas
Remind me to never board a flight with you! :)

Heck I think I must be very lucky!!!

38 posted on 09/16/2005 1:26:43 PM PDT by HoustonCurmudgeon (Houston Astrodome - Compassionate Conservatism at work!)
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I was leaving Sydney for LA and had about 10 minutes to make the gate. I had already entered the International terminal and had an exit stamp on my visa when I saw my plane rolling away from the gate. I was shocked that the plane was leaving early, but I noticed about 250 people heading my way from the gate. I checked the plane and it was missing an engine cover and I was standing near the only bar in the terminal, so I ran in and got a seat. Nobody was allowed to leave the International terminal as they had all officially "left" the country.

Five hours later, they had fixed the engine and we were on our way to New Zealand for a quick stop before heading to Honolulu next. They had some nasty cold chicken with what appeared to be a spoiled and deadly sauce which everyone decided to avoid for obvious reasons. We were told we would get a hot meal after we left Auckland, but the plane needed a little more service there, too. When we were in the air on our 13 hour leg to Hawaii, we were informed that the plane had been on the ground so long, that ALL food on board was quarantined for health reasons.

So, I was locked away from food for almost 24 hours with a bunch of starving drunks. I've never flown since that I didn't take my own survival pack.
39 posted on 09/16/2005 1:26:47 PM PDT by DocRock (Osama said, "We love death, the U.S. loves life, that is the main difference between us.")
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To: Larry Lucido

I don't know. I try to never be sober! ;-)


40 posted on 09/16/2005 1:27:42 PM PDT by Millee
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To: Maximus of Texas
Clench your back teeth together and repeat after me.

We don't have these problems in 1st Class.

41 posted on 09/16/2005 1:27:47 PM PDT by N. Theknow (If you need a business, then make it your business to mind your own business.)
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To: Millee

Speaking of hungover...

I had a flight from Manchester, Eng to DC a couple years ago. Well the night before I had a few too many, and by the time I woke up at the airport the slight case of alcohol poisoning kicked in. To put it lightly, after not getting to "distress bag" in time, a bit landed on my future girlfriend.

That was my worst flight, and her's too.


42 posted on 09/16/2005 1:29:41 PM PDT by BostonianRightist (Well, boys, I reckon this is it - nuclear combat toe to toe with the Roosskies.)
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To: N. Theknow

I hate you.


:)


43 posted on 09/16/2005 1:29:53 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell.)
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To: Millee
I don't know. I try to never be sober! ;-)

Sooooo, travelling to Michigan anytime soon?


44 posted on 09/16/2005 1:31:04 PM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: All
Raise your hand if you have ever been on a third world country flight?

I am not joking when I say there was no air, no drinks and live chickens

I swear it's true!!! I looked at my smiling hubby with a

"When we get back to the US ...I am going to kill you"

45 posted on 09/16/2005 1:31:46 PM PDT by PaulaB
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To: N. Theknow

Hey, go back to DU, newbie! :-)

/piling on from other thread


46 posted on 09/16/2005 1:32:12 PM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: BostonianRightist
a bit landed on my future girlfriend

Well now that's a new approach!
47 posted on 09/16/2005 1:32:37 PM PDT by Millee
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To: BostonianRightist
slight case of alcohol poisoning kicked in

funniest thing I've read all day!!! LOL
48 posted on 09/16/2005 1:33:57 PM PDT by PaulaB
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To: PaulaB

Lordy, you sure do travel overseas a lot. Ever consider seeing the Grand Canyon? Going to Wally World?


49 posted on 09/16/2005 1:34:07 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell.)
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To: Maximus of Texas

Speaking of Southwest, I miss the comedy routines the crew would perform before, during and after a flight. Another thing 9/11 tood from us.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Southwest flight *** from Los Angeles to Houston. Our flying time is 3 hours and 15 minutes. The weather condition in Houston is expected to be... etc.
This is a non-smoking, non-complaining, non-whining flight. Please keep your seat in an upright position during take-off and landing. If you are not sure that your seat is upright, just adjust it to the most uncomfortable position. Keep your seat belts fastened when the seat belt sign is on and preferably at all times. Seat belts should be fastened low and tight - just as J.Lo wears her pants.

In case of a sudden fall in air pressure in the cabin, oxygen masks will drop from an overhead compartment. We of course don't expect air pressure to fall - otherwise we would have stayed home. But just in case this happens, please attach your own mask and breathe normally -yeah, right! Then help your "husband" and children to put on their masks.

If the aircraft should land in water and evacuation becomes necessary, the seat cushion under your seat can be used as a flotation device. Please strap it on and "kick, paddle, kick, paddle" to the nearest shore. A Southwest employee will follow closely with complimentary peanuts and drinks. If you have more than one child accompanying you, pick up the one with most potential.

Now please relax and enjoy your flight. Remember, you are very sleepy (snore), you are not at all thirsty (snore) and peanuts give you gas (snore).... Thank you for flying Southwest."



50 posted on 09/16/2005 1:34:35 PM PDT by Cagey
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