MORFORD: God Does Not Want 16 Kids

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 10/19/5 | Mark Morford

[SmithL]

Arkansas mom gives birth to a whole freakin' baseball team. How deeply should you cringe?

Who are you to judge? Who are you to say that the more than slightly creepy 39-year-old woman from Arkansas who just gave birth to her 16th child yes that's right 16 kids and try not to cringe in phantom vaginal pain when you say it, who are you to say Michelle Duggar is not more than a little unhinged and sad and lost?

And furthermore, who are you to suggest that her equally troubling husband -- whose name is, of course, Jim Bob and he's hankerin' to be a Republican senator and try not to wince in sociopolitical pain when you say that -- isn't more than a little numb to the real world, and that bringing 16 hungry mewling attention-deprived kids (and she wants more! Yay!) into this exhausted world zips right by "touching" and races right past "disturbing" and lurches its way, heaving and gasping and sweating from the karmic armpits, straight into "Oh my God, what the hell is wrong with you people?"

But that would be, you know, mean. Mean and callous to suggest that this might be the most disquieting photo you see all year, this bizarre Duggar family of 18 spotless white hyperreligious interchangeable people with alarmingly bad hair, the kids ranging in ages from one to 17, worse than those nuked Smurfs in that UNICEF commercial and worse than all the horrific rubble in Pakistan and worse than the cluster-bomb nightmare that is Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise having a child

as they suck the skin from each other's Scientological faces...

[Felicity Fahrquar]

the cluster-bomb nightmare that is Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise having a child as they suck the skin from each other's Scientological faces...

You've gotta admit, though, he DID have a point there. The whole Tom-and-Katie thing....(shudder)

[SmithL]

Going from two to three was a harder transition than going from one to two. Individually, we had run out of arms, and collectively, we had run out of laps.
; )

[Tax-chick]

I agree, three is the worst, and after five, the additional ones don't seem like much more work. It's like cats, I guess ... once you hit the Critical Mass, you can add more indefinitely.

[Emmett McCarthy]

Oh, I didn't know he was queer, too. That explains it.

[ViLaLuz]

I lived near a family that had 19 children. They had 2 houses next door to each other.

[ViLaLuz]

Let's see, by Democrat standards, 5 out of the 16 children should have been aborted.

[Tax-chick]

I think every large family turns out one who's a total goofball, so there will probably be one Democrat in the Duggars' crew :-).

[mafree]

He's unhappy because sperm and fecal matter can't produce a child no matter how many times he tries.

Good line!

[Dan from Michigan]

And here's a one finger salute to the flamer Morford.

[Alice in Wonderland]

I worked with a girl who was one of seventeen: John, James, Joseph, Richard, Dennis, Daniel, Michael, Raymond, Kathy, Patricia, Michelle, Margaret, Tracy, Kathleen, Erin, Shannon, and Mary.

[Past Your Eyes]

That may be the most disgusting screed I've ever seen published in a "legitimate" newspaper. But then, I'm only 58 years old.

[PennsylvaniaMom]

My guess, the Duggars' rebel will be Jinger. I mean, Jinger? Couldn't they come up with a better 'j' name?

[Tax-chick]

I feel sorry for her, too.

[Vor Lady]

Yep there are only so many laps between two parents! The nursing baby always had priority on mine, so everyone else had to settle for Dad. They liked me best, they said, because I was squishy. Now they are all too big to sit on my lap. Our youngest is nearly 8.

[Vor Lady]

That's right, because after the first three or four, #1 is big enough to be a help, even if all they can do is bring more diapers or the baby wipes. When I tell people I have six, I swear that what they hear is I've got six toddlers!

And when one has more than two, they have to learn to be obedient because you don't have enough hands to keep more than two under control at one time. It cracks me up when people tell me how well behaved my kids are, like it is something kids are born doing; I have worked hard to get them to that point!

[caryatid]

It's like cats, I guess ... once you hit the Critical Mass, you can add more indefinitely.

LOL

[Tax-chick]

It cracks me up when people tell me how well behaved my kids are, like it is something kids are born doing;

We hear that all the time, too. When you're outnumbered 4 to 1, you have to keep order, or you're toast!

[My2Cents]

16 future Republican voters. And gays don't reproduce; how sad.

[Vor Lady]

"When you're outnumbered 4 to 1, you have to keep order, or you're toast!"

So, so true! LOL.

[Jaded]

mark

[ViLaLuz]

I'm hoping it's pronounced like "Ginger."

[ShadowDancer]

Oh my God, this guy is such an asshole I don't even know where to begin.

[kittymyrib]

Sadly, this wonderful family is not the typical American family. Saw them on TV and the dad and mom don't believe in buying anything on credit!

[PennsylvaniaMom]

I am sure it is pronounced that too...but, still...there are dozens of other girl names that begin with a 'J'.

I am looking forward to seeing the documentary that was just filmed on them. I believe it comes out in the spring of 06 on the Discovery Channel.

[HKMk23]

MUST we tolerate THIS spew? I mean -- MORFORD?? REALLY?

Isn't there a Morford moratorium in place around here?

Look, this guy NEVER has anything credible to say. He is always vulgar, banal, laboriously anti-everything-decent; a raving syphilitic buttmonkey of the lowest, subterranean order. Face it: if he'd posted this here, himself, JR would have bestowed the Almighty ZOT in person. His vomitous gutter shot would have already been paved over and made into a four-lane highway by the RKBA.

Can this be yanked in the name of decency or is there an official reason that the toxic droolings of the Morphed One must be endured?

[kpp_kpp]

it would all be ok if it were just a muslim family.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

They are happy well adjusted people.

Ms. Morford hates happy well adjusted people just hates 'em. Because that means that happiness is possible so her misery must be of her own making.

Nasty evil wicked happy people!

[Maceman]

I'm thinking that if she had a lesbian partner raising the kids with her, Morford would be singing their praises.

[Albion Wilde]

(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...

Why should anyone want to?

[dighton]

Whatever faults this woman may have, she didn't give birth to Morford.

[isrul]

"18 spotless white hyperreligious interchangeable people "

That's the problem with them according to the author. He's obviously a bigot and a racist and of course, a deranged liberal.

[darkangel82]

That may be the most disgusting screed I've ever seen published in a "legitimate" newspaper. But then, I'm only 58 years old.

I'm only in my 20s and this is the worst drivel I've ever read.

[darkangel82]

His vomitous gutter shot would have already been paved over and made into a four-lane highway by the RKBA.

That would be a lot cheaper than using federal highway funds.

[Marysecretary]

I think it's because the two older kids gang up on the youngest. And then there's the middle child who thinks everone gets the perks but him. Hmmmm. Such a mystery. We had four in my family--two girls and two boys-- and NONE of us ever got along.

[kmiller1k]

I saw the documentary on Discovery Channel and in it they say they are Pentacostal. The dresses and long hair on the girls is the giveaway. They look like a very happy family.

[Marysecretary]

Oh, good! The long dresses aren't always indicative of that, but I know pentacostal young children who dress modestly and have long dresses. They mostly homeschool. They're just a neat family, no matter what religion they are. Maryxxx