Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ZOT To the Tune of $250 and how You can help Bush
Cliffton Prosper

Posted on 03/28/2006 9:59:31 PM PST by ClifftonProsper

TULIPMANIA

The price for tulips is about to go UP, UP, UP!

Why?

Because, in this simple but lovely flower is the cure for fat.

You see, it has been found, that if you EAT the bulb of the tulip, you LOOSE any sense of desire for FOOD for UPTO 24 HOURS!

Now, here is how you can become rich.

The secret of the tulip will not be a secret for long. Soon, every fat women will want to get her hands on the tulip bulb. And soon, every tulip bulb there is will be wanton to find. There will be those LOOKING for tulip bulbs (LOTS!), and there will be those WITH tulip bulbs ($$$).

And, you want to be one of those WITH tulip bulbs, now… …don’t you?

Here is how it works.

But first let me introduce myself.

Hi. My name is Bill. I’m a friend of a family in need. And I’ve been asked to help raise money for a real great guy of that family who needs some help. I consider him part of my family. Let me tell you about it.

There is an organization called the Alan Greenspan Commemorative Emergency Fund for Bush. You don’t need to worry as to what this has to do with tulips, just know it’s all about helping a guy whose “polls” are in the toilet. Polls is a Mexican word, the double ll is like a “y”, and as you know, Mexican is becoming really important. In fact, let me tell you - Mexicans love this guy so much they put bumper stickers on their car, “Viva Bush!”. Can you believe it? What a friend of the people of the soil!

And, if you lingo like Bush does (this guy is just wonderful – he even speaks MEXICAN!) - and if you are in a world of hurt that he’s got himself into, then you know you don’t want your poys in the toilet because they belong somewhere else. If you know what I mean. Because I know what it’s like, you don’t even need to ask.

I mean, think about it - we’ve all had a relative in a world of hurt, be it gambling debts, or, a brother like mine who was a drug addict, or, got even getting oneself into trouble with some shady real estate deals. Sexually transmitted diseases.

Or, someone like Bush where their situation is, well, that nobody really even likes you anymore . . .

You get the idea. And you should care.

I mean he just doesn’t want to go on American Idol because he doesn’t feel comfortable trying to explain things in front of other people much less sing and dance in front of them . . . the important thing is that by helping someone in need, you can also become rich.

Here’s how it works.

You give $250.00… That’s right. Just 250, I say, 250 U.S. George Washington dollars. You put this in an envelope. Send the letter in an envelope to “White House, attn: It’s An Emergency, Washington D.C.”. Don’t worry about the address…

…. it’s going to get there (here).

… because we have lots of friends in the post office department.

If you are writing a check, make it out to “Emergency - Bush”…

Cash is also accepted, of course.

What happens next?

Here is the insider poop.

We all now know the inside dope on the tulip futures. AND…, we got a connection with a Dutch Firm (competitors would KILL to know their NAME!)… We got the goods on the tulips. We got the people in the right places for the right kind of connections, if you know what I mean. We got a port in Long Beach. And we got a Chinaman whose going to make it all happen.

And… we got a canal. We’ll “we” don’t. Some Chinese do, good business men. And they know some folks in business with the United Arab Emirates. One doesn’t speak Arab, and the other doesn’t speak Chinese – but they BOTH know Mexican! And, you got it! Bush SPEAKS Mexican! I not talking chicken change here.

This is kind ‘a “secret stuff”. So don’t tell anybody.

I’m not talking root canal. The big canal.

Like, as in, “Panama Hats”.

All we need is a little funding. And that’s where you come in. And that’s where you can help.

Help the Party. You like a Party, don’t you? I do. I love a Party.

It’s all about helping others. It’s, a good, thing.

It’s all about the futures.

Kind ‘a like the cattle futures.

A bridge to your futures.

Put the money in the envelope.

And we will elope.

Thanks.

Thank you.

God Bless you.

B.C.

(Go this way - follow the line)
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |

You thought that was the end of this message.

But it isn’t.

Because there is something else.

It has to do with the Capitol HILL-ary DATABASE.

And you.

When we get your letter, and we add your name, address (and home phone number! Don’t forget that!) to the DATABASE, … then, we send you a letter.

On the top is a special message, and under it, 12 blank lines followed by some instructions.

Take 12 photo copies of the letter.

I will explain, in a minute.

You fill in the 12 blank lines with 12 names of people, friends, love ones, business partners, acquaintances you know. You send $1 dollar to the Emergency – Bush fund. Then, write in each name you listed from your “master copy” on the top of each photo copy you made, under your name.

Mail each photo copy to each of the 12 people (you keep your “master”, this will be your receipt).

And the letter explains on the bottom. That each person to whom you mail the letter to, is also sent a copy of the letter to 12 new names, and so on. Along with one buck.

This letter which we will provide you with, has a special prayer of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

Bush is a devotee of Our Lady. She has special powers, and she’s a Mexican which ties her to the soil and brings the fruits of the harvest to your home. Believe me, there are all kinds of these fruits.

The prayer, with Her Blessing and the blessing of the Church, will bring hundreds of thousands of people to the streets. In fact, the phenomena is happening right now. This blessing will bless your home, and bring fruitful attendance to the Church which will bloom with a million more flowers for Our Lady each and every 6 months depending on how many children they have. This great mystery will bring you a special gift.

You see, you send the letter out to 12 people. They each send it out to 12 more people. And so on. And so on.

And, after 48 months, $1,512.00 dollars comes in the mail. Yeap.

It called “DOLLAR WISE AVERGING”.

Trust me.

God bless you.

B.C.

(Go this way - follow the line)
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |
      |

You thought that was the end of this message.

But it isn’t.

Because there is something else.

Imagine this.

You pick up a Megabucks play slip now. Choose 6 of the 42 numbers available. (Or ask for “Quick Pick” and let me pick ‘em for you!). AND THEN… on Saturday night, you sit down next to the phone. To wait. To wait for the MEGABUCKS GUY to call you. Your ticket is clutched tightly in your hand. The numbers are picked… Your numbers! And suddenly, … your life has changed. MEGABUCKS GUY calls YOUR number! He’s got that “Arkansas accent”. That will tip you off. IT’S MEGABUCKS GUY! YES SIR! He’s going to ask you (the SECRET TIP OFF that YOU’RE A WINNER!) “How would you like to be rich?”. And then, you say the MAGIC KEY! “B.C., GIVE IT TO ME!” - that’s the KEY.

And, SUDDENLY, YOU’RE RICH!

Could it happen?

Absolutely!

But…

… you have to do more than just imagine.

You have to play.

Wanna’ play?

All you need is the LOTTERY TICKET.

Here’s how you get it.

Mail one buck, that’s right, ONE BUCK, only ONE BUCK… to:

“COSCO, 1008 Chow Fun, No. 7, Shanghai 11, P.R.C. by way of Mexico – Emergency – Bush”

Within no time, you will get your LOTTERY TICKET by way of the “canal”. You mark off your six numbers. Or just mark “Quick Pick” and let me pick’em for you. Then you mail it to: “White House, attn: It’s An Emergency, Washington D.C.”. Add $1.00 for processing and handling (if you are writing a check, make it out to “Emergency - Bush”).

Don’t worry about the address…

…. it’s going to get there (here).

… because we have lots of friends in the post office department.

Thanks.

B.C.

… no, … wait.

……..Ever hear of the CHURCH of MY-INTOLOGY?

Just curious.

You may want to listen. Let me tell you about this.

There are lots (LOTS!) of people in this world, with problems.

You know. Problems. And… they need SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE.

You can provide that guidance.

Yes. You. I heard some of you are praying at Bush. At it moves my heart. I think you are just the kind’a person that I want to talk to. To tell you, yes, you can provide that guidance.

But first… you need a degree of thelogic! I can send you one of those.

Put $450 dollars into an envelope (don’t forget your return address!) and send the letter to “White House, attn: It’s An Emergency, Washington D.C.”. Don’t worry about the address… You know the rest.

God Bless you,

Bill


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: barkingmoonbat; dutroll; zot; zotme; zotmeharder; zotmeinthecan
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-72 next last

1 posted on 03/28/2006 9:59:35 PM PST by ClifftonProsper
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

ZOT!


2 posted on 03/28/2006 10:02:16 PM PST by fallujah-nuker (America needs more SAC and less empty sacs.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

wow - King of the Moonbats!
nice to meet ya'.


3 posted on 03/28/2006 10:02:42 PM PST by warsaw44 (BUILD THE WALL)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

IBTZ?


4 posted on 03/28/2006 10:03:02 PM PST by Texas_Jarhead
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

Lot of effort writing something that will surely be deleted.


5 posted on 03/28/2006 10:03:20 PM PST by A message
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

There must be a national Haldol shortage.


6 posted on 03/28/2006 10:03:24 PM PST by FixedandDilated
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

IBTZ?


7 posted on 03/28/2006 10:03:51 PM PST by nodumbblonde
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper
BUBYE...

l

8 posted on 03/28/2006 10:04:48 PM PST by Lurker (In God I trust. Everyone else shows me their hands.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper
ZOT! ZOT! ZOT! ZOT! ZOT! ZOT!

We hope you enjoyed the ride while you were here at FreeRepublic!
ZOT! ZOT! ZOT!

STFU!
9 posted on 03/28/2006 10:05:48 PM PST by hiredhand (My kitty disappeared. NOT the rifle!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

10 posted on 03/28/2006 10:05:49 PM PST by Extremely Extreme Extremist (None genuine without my signature)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

What the hell was all of that?!?


11 posted on 03/28/2006 10:06:08 PM PST by Hexenhammer ( Oregon: She dies by her own prescriptions)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

c-ya


12 posted on 03/28/2006 10:06:28 PM PST by capydick (Not to know is bad; not to wish to know is worse.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: darkwing104

VKs needed here. :-)


13 posted on 03/28/2006 10:06:58 PM PST by hiredhand (My kitty disappeared. NOT the rifle!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Comment #14 Removed by Moderator

To: ClifftonProsper

15 posted on 03/28/2006 10:11:58 PM PST by Lunatic Fringe (http://ntxsolutions.com)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

ibtz


16 posted on 03/28/2006 10:12:04 PM PST by Mom MD
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper
Surprised this is still here. Might as well join the fun.

Incoming Zot.


17 posted on 03/28/2006 10:12:07 PM PST by A message
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Red Nucleus

I thought it was funny:')


18 posted on 03/28/2006 10:12:17 PM PST by CindyDawg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper
And I thought by now that SOMEBODY (well, somebody else) would have mentioned how bloody toxic tulips are, especially the bulbs....
19 posted on 03/28/2006 10:12:34 PM PST by Felicity Fahrquar
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

You have exposed our secret. Now we'll have to destroy you.

A shame. You are slightly amusing.

uk.asdftgalei yt ki8w4jy hkl uiha un h piosehbxui8 umop il k *


20 posted on 03/28/2006 10:12:42 PM PST by Killborn (Pres. Bush isn't Pres. Reagan. Then again, Pres. Regan isn't Pres. Washington. God bless them all.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Felicity Fahrquar

They sure haven't done much to the rabbits that constantly dig mine up!


21 posted on 03/28/2006 10:14:50 PM PST by Mom MD
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper
That was pretty funny, a bit on the dark humor side but still good satire. Welcome to Free Republic.

22 posted on 03/28/2006 10:18:02 PM PST by bd476
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

23 posted on 03/28/2006 10:18:47 PM PST by TeddyCon
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: CindyDawg

Me too, Cindy, lol.


24 posted on 03/28/2006 10:18:57 PM PST by bd476
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

ibtz


25 posted on 03/28/2006 10:20:44 PM PST by Colorado Doug (Diversity is divisive. E. Pluribus Unum (Out of many, one))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

Could you run the "tulip" thing by me again?


26 posted on 03/28/2006 10:21:19 PM PST by deltabravo
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

27 posted on 03/28/2006 10:21:45 PM PST by TeddyCon
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

---You have exposed our secret. Now we'll have to destroy you.

A shame. You are slightly amusing.

uk.asdftgalei yt ki8w4jy hkl uiha un h piosehbxui8 umop il k *---

Killborn is lying.

...about you being slightly amusing.


28 posted on 03/28/2006 10:22:23 PM PST by claudiustg (Delenda est Iran!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
(Click me).

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

29 posted on 03/28/2006 10:22:42 PM PST by pcottraux (It's pronounced "P. Coe-troe.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

30 posted on 03/28/2006 10:23:04 PM PST by pcottraux (It's pronounced "P. Coe-troe.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

31 posted on 03/28/2006 10:23:23 PM PST by pcottraux (It's pronounced "P. Coe-troe.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

32 posted on 03/28/2006 10:23:43 PM PST by pcottraux (It's pronounced "P. Coe-troe.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

"I'd rather have tulips on my organ . . . . "


33 posted on 03/28/2006 10:29:20 PM PST by Larry Lucido
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

34 posted on 03/28/2006 10:32:13 PM PST by TeddyCon
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: hiredhand

Now gosh it all, you folk sure don’t have any sense of humor?

Look, I may live up here in Dutch Flat and not know anything, but you’re all now telling me Bush’s polls AREN’T in the toilet?

Now I’m confused. Because just tonight, I saw it official like on the television news.

Just tonight I was watching MSNBC, the one that had the Tancedo guy on. I really like that guy. He sure was smart, but you all are saying he’s not as smart as you.

Anyway, it was on that show, official and all. The news guy who hosts the news there, he says it. He says, “Bush’s polls are in the toilet”.

So there, it’s official.

Now, it not my fault Bush’s polls are in the toilet. Gosh, that’s HIS fault.

But you all seem to know Bush real good, like you must be really tight with him, and you know.

But then, I may not be smart, but I’m thinking, maybe his polls is in the toilet, and it’s all your fault.

So, don’t blame me.

Can’t we all just get along?


35 posted on 03/28/2006 10:33:00 PM PST by ClifftonProsper
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Mom MD
Rabbits, no. Humans, BIG TIME. There's a story in my family about an unfortunate accident involving a case of, um, mistaken identity and a very large batch of homemade vegetable soup (tulip bulbs in place of elephant garlic - an easy error to make, especially when they're right next to each other in the garage). The shorthand version is that about 25 quarts of soup, plus another 20 quarts of spaghetti sauce, had to be dumped.

They still cringe about it... repeated consumption of tulip bulbs, even in small quantities, will result in the eater being first a bit queasy, then seriously unwell, and finally most sincerely dead.

And this Cliffton bozo signed up today just to post THIS? Sheesh...

36 posted on 03/28/2006 10:36:33 PM PST by Felicity Fahrquar
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

Oops. Now you are in big trouble. The 90's aren't going to like this.


37 posted on 03/28/2006 10:37:36 PM PST by CindyDawg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 35 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper
Can’t we all just get along?


38 posted on 03/28/2006 10:37:41 PM PST by TeddyCon
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 35 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper
"Can’t we all just get along?"

Can, but won't.

But here's a lovely parting gift.

Image hosting by Photobucket

39 posted on 03/28/2006 10:46:01 PM PST by decal (My name is "decal" and I approve this tagline)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 35 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper
Your post was so stupid even Rudy won't use it.

Image hosting by Photobucket

40 posted on 03/28/2006 10:50:40 PM PST by decal (My name is "decal" and I approve this tagline)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: claudiustg

Well, he was for me. :)


41 posted on 03/28/2006 10:51:57 PM PST by Killborn (Pres. Bush isn't Pres. Reagan. Then again, Pres. Regan isn't Pres. Washington. God bless them all.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 28 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

Wow, that was some really funny stuff, Gallagher. Seriously. I don't mean 'funny' as in ironic either- I mean 'funny' as in retarded as hell.


42 posted on 03/28/2006 10:57:32 PM PST by notfornothing
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: A message; ClifftonProsper
Lot of effort writing something that will surely be deleted. And not read past the first two sentences by any of us because we all have pretty darn good built-in Troll Garbage Detectors.
43 posted on 03/28/2006 10:58:37 PM PST by Allegra (No mosques were entered or damaged during this post.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: Allegra

Cheers!

44 posted on 03/28/2006 11:07:47 PM PST by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 43 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

45 posted on 03/28/2006 11:16:00 PM PST by woofie
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Allegra

As always.

The family and I say, THANKS, THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Stay safe.

Fight hard.

Prayers with you.


46 posted on 03/28/2006 11:17:43 PM PST by A message
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 43 | View Replies]

To: ClifftonProsper

ZITS!


my bet is ya still got em


47 posted on 03/28/2006 11:17:48 PM PST by woofie
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Felicity Fahrquar

I was hoping it might have given the destructuve little dears a good case of indigestion!


48 posted on 03/28/2006 11:19:33 PM PST by Mom MD
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 36 | View Replies]

To: A message

Thanks. ;-)


49 posted on 03/28/2006 11:26:10 PM PST by Allegra (No mosques were entered or damaged during this post.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 46 | View Replies]

To: grey_whiskers
LOL! I love that gif.

I have an orange cat and I believe he'd do just that.

50 posted on 03/28/2006 11:26:59 PM PST by Allegra (No mosques were entered or damaged during this post.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 44 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-72 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson