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To: starfish923
It's clear we both feel strongly about this, and sadly, from personal experience. I think I see your point. And in a way, it's the other end of mine;

Sorry, but I've seen TOO many volcaoes who explode QUITE selectively.

I, too, have seen this person. The selectivity. I hadn't considered your first example as separate, those who can't control it at all. But I do see your point.

They are just angry people who marry the doormats. Their explosion IS NEVER at the local cop, minister, clerk or their friends. It's always at their spouses and children, the doormat and captive audience respectively.

In a way, male or female, the 'doormat' with self esteem issues or who may have been shaped by a 'volcano' earlier, would be the only kind of person such a volatile individual would marry. And vice versa. I think some are drawn to marry those very kinds of people who may have been abusive to them at some earlier stage. It's the devil they do know, ironic though that is.

102 posted on 07/10/2006 12:00:21 PM PDT by fortunecookie
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To: fortunecookie
In a way, male or female, the 'doormat' with self esteem issues or who may have been shaped by a 'volcano' earlier, would be the only kind of person such a volatile individual would marry. And vice versa. I think some are drawn to marry those very kinds of people who may have been abusive to them at some earlier stage. It's the devil they do know, ironic though that is.

True. It's a horrible irony. It's the repeating of a cycle of violence and dysfunction. I guess it goes back to the very cave days.
I don't expect things to change much either. Do you? With all we know and learn and with all the help out there....posters STILL have compassion for the doormat. They expect NOTHING but tears and bolster the weeping with SUCH misplaced compassion.
It's ALL the fault of the volcano and the doormat need take NO responsibility for her life or the consequences of HER behavior. It's unreal.

Lol. When a woman is the abuser and the man is the doormat HE is told to "Be a man! Grow up!" HE is not allowed to be the victim. And if he weeps? He is excoriated for being a woos, weaking, etc. We save our misplaced compassion for the woman doormat. It's allowed for HER, but never, ever for the man.
SHE should be told to grow some backbone, gather some courage and....well, you get the point.

It is UNBELIEVABLY sad for the children who learn their respective roles (volcano or doormat) and will, without fail, repeat the cycle.

I guess what's so annoying is that when the volcano erupts, the doormat weeps to the world. All the hankies come out IN SUPPORT for the doormat.
The misplaced compassion is annoying because it REWARDS the doormat for being manipulative, weak and cowardly.

Having strength and courage has NOTHING to do with gender. REAL men are attracted to REAL women and vice versa....both which have strength and courage to go through life and its troubles, woes, crosses and griefs.

This story provoked a lot of feelings, didn't it?
It shows me how little some posters know about human nature. However, I know I am right on these issues. Listening to Dr. Laura everyday (on my way home from work) I learn something new every week, most of which are common sense things that hadn't occurred to me. :o)

Michaelangelo's motto: I am still learning.

103 posted on 07/10/2006 8:12:11 PM PDT by starfish923 ( Socrates: It's never right to do wrong.)
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