1. Abusive spouses CAN control themselves. They don't beat up their boss, their neighbors, the local cop or the local minnister....they beat up NO one except the fool who allows herself to be beaten.
Please don't start the lecture about abused women syndrome. Men who beat women seek out women who will allow themselves to be beaten. It NEVER starts the day after the wedding. That kind of nastiness starts WAY before....unless a woman is foolish enough to marry a man before she knows him well.
Then, she claims that she is stuck. Sure she is because she allows herself to be. Adults are NOT weak, helpless, innocents who are incapable of changing, moving, growing and being responsible. They really aren't.
2. As for your vengeful, insane ex-son-in-law, one wonders at your daughter for ever marrying him. I hope she didn't stay long enough to have children with him.
3. You live in fear? That's sad. That's no way to live. You two should pray to God for courage. (I do every day, just to stay strong.) As Johann Wolfgang von Goethe wrote:
Wealth lost, something lost; honor lost, much lost; courage lost, all lost.
Some abusers beat up their boss, their neighbors, the local cop etc... "Going postal" would be an extreme example of it. In the case of a spouse, change the word allows to tolerates. People do *not* give their abuser permission to abuse them, though many tolerate ongoing abuse. Oft times, because they feel they deserve it.
Please don't start the lecture about abused women syndrome. Men who beat women seek out women who will allow themselves to be beaten.
The batterer can also be the woman & you're being a bit over simplistic.
It NEVER starts the day after the wedding. That kind of nastiness starts WAY before....unless a woman is foolish enough to marry a man before she knows him well.
It *usually* starts before the wedding, but not always. Narcissists tend to be very good at hiding what's in store. They may not begin to work on breaking down their victim until after they know they've got them hooked.
Then, she claims that she is stuck. Sure she is because she allows herself to be. Adults are NOT weak, helpless, innocents who are incapable of changing, moving, growing and being responsible. They really aren't.
Millions of Iraqi's & Afghani's were "stuck". It is the exact same mentality, writ large.
Sometimes it takes someone from the outside to help people begin to unstick themselves. Sadly, much of the psychological "help" available to those trying to unstick tends towards reshuffling the pieces around the same game board.
2. As for your vengeful, insane ex-son-in-law, one wonders at your daughter for ever marrying him. I hope she didn't stay long enough to have children with him.
Was that really necessary?
Went through one of these murder/suicide things with my ex's extended family, though he didn't kill any of his children. After he retired, he became depressed & worried about his ability to provide for himself & his wife. I never saw the couple as codependent...