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To: jamaly
GoLightly, thanks for sticking up for me and my daughter.
My daughter stayed in her marriage because she believed that marriage was FOREVER. She knew if she told us what he was doing to her we would have forced her to leave him. Her husband threateded suicide on a regular basis often with a gun right beside him. My daughter stayed because she said she would never be able to live with herself if he killed himself because of her. She finally got the courage to leave when she started to fear for the safety of her children.
Starfish, spousal abuse often happens slowly and gets progressively worse. The abuser browbeats the victim into believing they deserve the abuse. Also, financial reasons keep people together even if they desperately want out. There are not nearly enough shelters for abused women to use for escape. I don't care what you say or how brave you think you are. If you thought a crazy relative might come murder your daughter or your grandchildren, who lives with you, you would be afraid, too.
Talk is cheap. Walk a mile in my shoes or the shoes of an abused wife and you will see there are no simple answers.

Fine talk from a major-league enabler. You've made all the standard excuses for a woman staying with an abuser. Abusers are evil but so are the spouses who stay with them and allow the abusers to CONTINUE to destroy their lives and the lives of their most vulnerable and innocent children.
Those children LEARN how to deal with life and its problems from their dysfunction parents and grandparents, the abuser, the abused and the enabling extended family. The cycle will continue, thanks to thinking like yours.

I can very easily understand how your daughter stayed with that horrible, vile bastard. You helped keep her there with your own lack of courage.
I've heard ALL the standard excuses of weak people. I've also heard and seen the strength that people have to get out of these horrible, dangerous and CHILD-DESTROYING marriages. Help from family is crucial.
Your daughter made my point for me. She DID find the courage. She DID get the backbone. She DID the right thing because she stopped thinking of HER feelings and put HER CHILDREN first, as she should.

I hope she learned that NO "marriage is forever." NO faith expects people to stay where there is the kind of abuse that kills or irreparably damages.....NO faith. ANY clergy would have urged your daughter to end the dread, fear and abuse.

Starfish923, while you are doing all your praying maybe you should pray for a brain and a heart. You know absolutely nothing about what you are talking about.
1. Right. You OBVIOUSLY haven't read my posts because COURAGE to do the right thing was right on my list. If you HAD read it, you wouldn't have written such a foolish thing.

2. Right. So, it's a one-way street with you, all talk, scold, lecture and no reading from sources you don't like or don't feel like reading. Nothing IN, everything OUT.

3. Right. You insult me personally (ad hominem) because....because you have nothing left to argue so you go ONE STEP farther and insult. That shows YOUR character, upbringing and manners.

81 posted on 07/10/2006 7:10:41 AM PDT by starfish923 ( Socrates: It's never right to do wrong.)
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To: starfish923
Fine talk from a major-league enabler. You've made all the standard excuses for a woman staying with an abuser. Abusers are evil but so are the spouses who stay with them and allow the abusers to CONTINUE to destroy their lives and the lives of their most vulnerable and innocent children.

Those children LEARN how to deal with life and its problems from their dysfunction parents and grandparents, the abuser, the abused and the enabling extended family. The cycle will continue, thanks to thinking like yours.

I can very easily understand how your daughter stayed with that horrible, vile bastard. You helped keep her there with your own lack of courage.

I've heard ALL the standard excuses of weak people. I've also heard and seen the strength that people have to get out of these horrible, dangerous and CHILD-DESTROYING marriages. Help from family is crucial.

Your daughter made my point for me. She DID find the courage. She DID get the backbone. She DID the right thing because she stopped thinking of HER feelings and put HER CHILDREN first, as she should.

I hope she learned that NO "marriage is forever." NO faith expects people to stay where there is the kind of abuse that kills or irreparably damages.....NO faith. ANY clergy would have urged your daughter to end the dread, fear and abuse. .

I am not an enabler now nor have I ever been an enabler. The very minute that I heard my daughter was being abused I told her that she was moving in with us and we would help her through this whole nightmare. She was never alone with her husband after that. We had all of her things moved into our house or storage within 48 hours. I took her to a lawyer and also to a domestic abuse counselor at the DA's office. We filed for a restraining order against her husband received an emergency restraining order agaist him immediately. My husband and I have spent over $10,000 paying for the divorce and psychiatric evaluations on her monster husband. He is not allowed unsupervised visits with the children now and we hope he never will be. My daughter was so terrified of the monster that she was literally a "walking nervous breakdown" for months. We had known something was wrong; but, she wouldn't tell us she was too terrified.

For your information my husband and I never, not for one minute, showed our children abuse or alcoholism, cheating or any other disfunctional behavior. We aren't perfect; but, we have been happily married for over 37 years. We don't drink, smoke or cheat. If anything we have been a hard example to live up to.

You truly are a self-righteous jerk and I am thankful that I am not married to you or related to you in anyway. I pity people who have to deal with you on a daily basis.

91 posted on 07/10/2006 9:44:20 AM PDT by jamaly (I will never forget 9-11-01!!!!)
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