Posted on 07/29/2006 8:31:52 PM PDT by se_ohio_young_conservative
Ok, I want to propose. I dont know how to go about a ring. I want something cheap but nice. She is the nicest, most understanding woman on the planet, but I dont want to look like a cheapskate. I am not that rich. going into my life savings for this. any freepers have any advice.
I would like to propose on Canadian thankgiving in Oct. She lives in Toronto. plan to be moved in with her by Christmas *smile*
Congratulations...when I did it, I spent somewhere around $900 on the engagement ring, then about $1000 on the wedding band that goes with it.
Trust me, though...she won't really care how much you spend.
Costco or Sam's Club.
Still set you back some bucks, but you'll get a world-class ring.
If you are going to surprise her, at least pay attention to whether she likes yellow gold or white gold.
And ask some of your friends to look at her hands to give you an idea of what size you should get. (Small hands, a size 6, average hands a size 7 or 8, larger hands a size 9 or so.)
Congrats!
First of all spend some time observing what other jewelry types and styles she wears. Does she have a preference for gold tones or silver tones?
Does she dress chicly, traditionally, bohemian, etc. Try to figure this out, get your mom or sister to help you.
Next, think ebay and created diamonds or gemstones. Just avoid the too big, they just look fake cause only Liz Taylor has real diamonds that big. Ebay should give you a feel for discount jewelry prices, so when you are looking at comparable stuff in brick and mortar stores you will not be tempted to overspend. The mark up on jewelry is huge.
But a 1 to 1.5 carat created diamond in a high quality gold or platinum setting can be had for less than you imagine and look absolutely stunning.
DO NOT GO INTO DEBT for jewelry. If you make it big later in life, you can give her better for an anniversary down the road.
Another FReeper suggested Sams Club or Costco...excellent! BUT...make sure you study up on gem terminology (carat, cut, clarity, and how they rate the color of a diamond). Make sure whereever you buy you get a certificate of authenticity (or some from of validation of the stone's quality). Take note of what she wears (white or yellow colored jewelry)...does she like antiques or is she more contemporary? Really look at the size of her hands...rounds look good most as do ovals; marquise or pear shaped look better on longer, thinner fingers; princess (square cuts) are usually rarer in reasonably sized stones (around a carat or less). Make sure you see the diamond using an eye peice (look for carbon deposits call inclusions...they bring the value of the stone down). And...if possible, get the engagement ring with the matching wedding band...just because sometimes it is impossible to find a band that matches the engagement ring (after the fact).
Lastly, stay away (if your budget permits) from cubic zirconia. CZs are great, but an engagement (and or wedding ring) is worn daily and exposed to most of what your bride to be hands get into. The man made stones just don't stand up to the test of time like the real thing.
While you are right on most of your advice, I disagree on the CZ. I have a diamonique epiphany band, platinum over silver and I am a dog groomer. My hands are in harsh chemicals for a portion of each day and my ring, after a year or so is still brilliant and sparkling. I've told my boyfriend if we ever get married, spend the money on the metal, not the stone. Metal can be hocked. Most places wont give you much for the stone. Am I a cynic about marriage? Yepper!
LOL
If you really respect her, marry her before moving in. Hopefully that's what you intend, but it didn't seem that way to me. Much more important than the ring. Start your life together out respectably and you'll not regret it. There's my 2 cents worth, my Conservative head of house leader protector/provider gentleman FRiend.
bluenile.com has a good reputation and has rings of all price ranges. My friend's engagement ring came from there and compared to local stores, her fiancee got a great deal.
I'm very practical and hate to see you spend money you need for other things right now. My first engagement ring was teeny-tiny but I was very proud of it. Yep, you can get away with teeny tiny when your walking on clouds. Now, many years later I have some beautiful rings. A mothers ring, a diamond dinner ring, a combination wedding set where the band and engagement are one piece BUT they live in my jewelry box. I finally got what I always wanted last year...a pretty gold band I can wear all the time without worrying about popping a stone or getting it full of paint or dirt etc..
You might also look at Pawn Shops or newspaper ads (I've seen lots of rings advertised when couples break up).
Whatever you do I wish you two the very best.
aslong as we get married sooner than later, with it being a long distance realationship, ill need time to settle in.
Diamonds are actually quite common, and the tradition of a diamond engagement ring is a relatively young one created by DeBeers marketing.
The 'value' of a diamond reflects market manipulation. Do a little homework in this area and you'll be impressed with the way a demand was created for diamonds by creating this 'tradition'.
The actual worth of the ring is chiefly in the metal. Unless someone must slavishly follow the marketing 'tradition' [I hate the feeling of being manipulated to buy something.] you may want to consider a quality ring set with a quality stone of the young lady's preference--a more unique and personal choice.
sam's club.
Bluenile.com - absolutely. That's where my enagagement and wedding ring came from, as well as my husband's band. Great deal, great service.
When my husband proposed to me he got down on his knees and asked me without a ring. He told me that he wanted me to wear my ring for a looooooooong time, so he wanted me to be completely happy with it. I thought it was very sweet and thoughtful of him. He gave me the budget and let me start looking for what I wanted.
Don't worry if your budget isn't big. If your girlfriend is in love with you, then I'm sure she already knows you aren't made of money. I'd never gone looking for diamonds before, so it was a hard decision for me.
I was just looking at that bluenile website and it is great. You will have a lot of decisions to make about size and quality. Your girlfriend might be happier with a small perfect diamond or she might not really care about the quality and want a big dazzler. I think it would be fun for you to sit down at the computer together and see what the options are. Even if you don't get it from bluenile, it looks like it will give you a lot of useful info to help decide on diamonds elsewhere.
My husband and I had a long distance relationship. When he proposed we chose to make the date 1.5 months later rather than the 6-9 month customary planning. Our wedding was lovely...simple elegance. I discarded unecessary belongings and he moved what I owned to our new home - 500 miles away. We began our marriage and our new home fresh. I settled in after the honeymoon...gradually. It's been 18 years. He's a gem!
Speaking of gems. My comment above about our wedding being one of simple elegance? Same applies to an engagement ring, imho.
Determine her 'style' (clothing as well as jewelry) and purchase the ring accordingly. What type jewelry does she normally wear? Flashy? Simple lines?
Advice? You're too young to get married.
btw...I was 30.
Plus you can't lose them down the garbage disposal.
Marry a Russian girl. They don't believe in engagement rings. I tried explaining the concept of an engagement ring to my Ukrainian wife and she didn't have a clue what I was talking about!
Just kidding of course! The jewelry business traditionally advises spending 2 months' salary.
Go here for some interesting info: Engagement Ring Etiquette
I'm the wrong person to ask. I was engaged at 24 and that blew up in my face. You need to have a little mileage on you to understand what it's all about, more so for guys. I'm still trying to position myself financially so I can afford a family without killing myself.
Congratulations. Love is a wonderful thing.
I have a friend whose boyfriend surprised her with a very inexpensive cubic zirconium ring. Later they shopped for the 'real' ring, one that they both liked and both felt they could afford. She cherishes the first ring and the memory it provided.
Shopping together is a good way to find out if you have similar values about money. She might want to get a smaller ring now with the thought of getting a larger one as you get more firmly established financially.
If she opts for the 3-carat ring, be careful!
My engagement ring was a piece of lavender jade. The fact that he knew me well to pick something he knew I would love rather then going for a generic diamond made it extremely special.
But you offered the opinion that he was too young.
I'm of the belief that if a couple is *truly* mature enough and has a forward-vision and will work together to make their life wonderful, then as young as 20-21 is not too young, imo.
I know couples that married while young (20) and 10 years later they have great marriages. On the flip side, I know couples who married at 30 or older who aren't doing so well.
People who married in the 1940's and 50's most often did so while young. My parents as well as my husband's parents.
All in all, it depends on the couple. imo. :o)
btw, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. At the right time, with the right lady, it will be lovely. :o)
I second HTB's suggestion. Don't be a slave to DeBeers' marketing - get her what SHE will like and want to wear, within your budget, of course.
My engagement ring was a blue topaz with three very small diamonds in a curved yellow-gold band. Later, my husband got me a matching pendant. I get compliments on both pieces when I wear them, almost 20 years later.
GREAT suggestion!
Thanks! My husband's coworkers are always stuned because I don't want jewelry on every marketing-opportunity-occasion. My 40th birthday was last weekend, and his "gift" to me was taking our #2 Son to camp for 4 days. Then, since that was free :-), he bought me new running shoes yesterday.
I have a couple of used ones...
(JUST KIDDING!!!!)
Life begins at 40... just ask Elvis!
I appreciate that.
Dr. Laura says after 28 and that might be a good rule of thumb. In today's world, the divorce rate is high when marrying young.
Kind of interesting so I'll go on. Do you think(talking generally here) that marriages work better/less/no effect when both are the same age? I think the guy needs to be older(seasoned) to be a good provider. A lot is expected from the man and he will benefit from some "sowing of oats"(personally and professionally) while the same is not true of the woman.
LOL! As the tagline says :
As for engagement rings, we shopped together and found a beautiful ring w/in his budget. Since then (18 years) we had the ring re-designed as an eternity ring. Now I don't snag it on everything I come in contact with.
Great gift! I've been asking for a larger garden, but we'd have to rent a high-powered tiller :-).
I don't wear my rings much, except my plain wedding band, because of the diapers. My "good" jewelry is put away for once-a-year occasions, until we're out of the baby phase.
I don't know the stats on that, but can say there *are* people who marry young *and* older who don't take their vows seriously.
***Kind of interesting so I'll go on. Do you think(talking generally here) that marriages work better/less/no effect when both are the same age? I think the guy needs to be older(seasoned) to be a good provider.***
How about working together? Being poor as paupers but working together to make a precious life together? My husband and I were both 30 when we married. We both had great jobs, homes, etc. But...we say now that we would have much preferred to have married younger and worked toward what we had at that time. Clear as mud?
***A lot is expected from the man and he will benefit from some "sowing of oats"(personally and professionally) while the same is not true of the woman.***
How about experiencing excellent intimacy together ... learning and experimenting together rather than practicing on other women to become proficient enough for your future wife...?! What a precious and incredibly exciting gift to give each other!
20 is too young to get married ? are you on mars ?
but seriously. I have debated all of this in my mind. I will probably continue to do so. while I know what is working against us, at the same time, I believe I am mature enough and ready to commit.
Would have been for me. I can't judge in your case, so I'll just wish you all the best. Marriage improves a man, in my opinion, but it can be hard work.
I'm not talking about "practicing on other women". I mean a guy needs to find out what he likes and doesn't like. Why, because I believe nature's role for him is of provider. And when that isn't being played out, things go arye. Personally, I desire a woman who is motivated on running the family day to day. A huge job that I don't have the temperament for. I'll make the cash, she makes herself and others happy.
Try the Big Box places, and start pricing per carat. I suggest at least a half-carat, three quarters better. Jewelers will try to sell you on quality, but keep in mind the ring will be dirty a lot of the time and size ought to be a big factor. My diamonds are bigger but not of the best quality--I don't mind. I've even found it interesting to know my "fingerprints" by the little flaws I can find with a jeweler's loop.
this might sound crazy,
I am not all that worried about money. If we love eachother enough, if we really try at it, and we are for real. we will make it. Life is a team sport. getting through life together is a part of marriage. there will be storms and trials no matter how much money someone makes or if they are married or not. having someone to ride the storms out with would be a great thing. I am not expecting every day for the rest of my life to be easy and sunny. but if we believe in eachother and TRUST IN GOD, that is half the battle.
You go through so many changes in your twenties. I'm having a hard time explaining just how different I am now.
I just hope you have a firm grip on exactly how long "forever" is. How do you plan to support your wife/family? Maybe you're smarter than me, but it took me over 10 years to find a profession that I enjoyed. And baby, a husband/father needs to be a money making machine.
taking a verse from a country song.
"if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans"
I cant sit here and say what I will be doing 10 years from now. I dont even know what I am going eat for lunch. I know I love this woman with all of my heart, and I would regret not taking chances more than I would taking chances and getting negative results. I feel that FAITH will get us through. I am taking the faith route here, ...trusting in God more than I do myself...
Also understand, if the unthinkable happens and you need a divorce, she'll get at least half of everything you own(and possibly stuff you had before you met her).
In terms of the ring, I found a BEAUTIFUL one at a pawn shop for a good price. I ended up selling it back to them for less than half price.
You know? You may get kicked around a little for that, but I find it sweet. Once I got used to it, I found that maintaining a home was more creative than I thought, particularly when we graduated and had a few more resources to work with. And, I learned to really cook. Sometimes it works out that one partner can't make enough to justify the expenses of working--which is a little deflating to the ego when you happen to enjoy earning money.
More often, I see in the attitudes of young husbands an outright determination that their wives shall work--they want the comfort of the extra income, and figure she'll just run the house as well.
you talk like someone who has had your heart broken so much or so badly that you are not high on marriage overall, that is sad. i feel for you.
but I believe I am ready to take a chance on love, and have faith in God and the woman I am deeply in love with.
No I'm fine. I will have a large family someday.
I happen to favor young marriages. I think the shopping around in the twenties makes for harder hearts and silly expectations. If someone has slept around, I believe they are more likely to continue to do so when married. Behaviors get set in cement as we get older. As for the changes that take place, they'll still rear up in the thirties, forties, and fifties.
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