Skip to comments.Google finally gets it right (Vanity)
Posted on 11/21/2006 8:23:18 AM PST by DukeBillie
We could all use a good laugh - especially at Google's expense. Type "French military victories" into Google and click I'm feeling lucky
Did you mean: french military defeats
No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.
Your search - french military victories - did not match any documents.
Welcome to the Internet.
This is really priceless. Ping your lists, people!
Where/how did you find out about this?
Just got a new computer, dincha?
If what I just wrote made you sad or angry,
it was probably just a joke.
Tomorrow, I'd like you to post an essay by George Carlin and/or Ted Nugent.
Just imagine his reaction if he typed in "Miserable Failure" and hit I'm Feeling Lucky?
Actually my son's friend discovered it.
It is very, very funny.
It will be a short-lived joke, however, because eventually Google will google all references to it. Thanks for sharing it while it's still "hot".
Glad you enjoyed it. Guess not everyone did.
It's pretty funny, isn't it!
Follks, this one is a keeper! Check it out!
Then we should gladly welcome your son's friend to 2003.
Is this your first day on the Internet?
eh, don't let 'em getcha down. They're just yanking your tail a little.
Did you see this page at the same site, too?
***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. Though you may critisize this oversimplified French history all you wish, blaming or threatening the Web designer is not nice.
We are still accepting submissions from history researchers.
Last update: May 4, 2005.
- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]
- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.
- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
- The Dutch War
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."
Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."
(and there's more)
alas, and as noted above, this isn't news to most FReepers:
A History of French "Warfare" (Surrender)
Conquer France! | NA | Conquer France!
Posted on 09/06/2002 8:33:20 PM EDT by zapiks44