Taken and mangled from Monty Python's Oscar Wilde Sketch
Formal introduction: Mr. George Bernard Shaw! An almost famous American actress from an equally almost famous American acting family--Her Royal Highness Gwyneth Paltrow.
[Gwyneth Paltrow]: Oh, my congratulations, Wilde. Your play is a great success. The whole of London is talking about you!
[Oscar Wilde]: Ms. Gwyneth Paltrow, you know more than anyone else in this room that there is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about.
All: [Hysterical Laughter]
[Gwyneth Paltrow]: Oh, very witty, Wilde, very, VERY witty!
[James McNeill Whistler]: There is only one thing in the world worse than being witty, and that is not being witty.
All: [More Hysterical Laughter]
[Oscar Wilde]: I wish I had said that, Gwyneth.
[James McNeill Whistler]: You will, Oscar, you will.
[Oscar Wilde]: Ms. Gwyneth Paltrow, do you know James McNeill Whistler?
[Gwyneth Paltrow]: Yes, we played squash together.
[Oscar Wilde]: There is only one thing worse than playing squash together, and that is playing it by yourself. (Long Silence) I wish I
hadn't said that.
[James McNeill Whistler]: Well, you did Oscar, you did.
All: [Light Laughter]
[Gwyneth Paltrow]: Well, you must forgive me, Wilde, but I must get back to Bel Air.
[Oscar Wilde]: Gwyneth Paltrow, you're lika a big dram doughnut with cream on the top.
[Gwyneth Paltrow]: I beg your pardon!?
[Oscar Wilde]: Uh, it was one of Whistler's.
[James McNeill Whistler]: I didn't say that!
[Oscar Wilde]: You did, James, you did.
[Gwyneth Paltrow]: Well, Mr. Whistler?
[James McNeill Whistler]: I-I meant Ms. Paltrow, that, that (ahem) like a doughnut your arrival gives us pleasure and your departure merely makes us hungry for more.
All: [Laughter]
[James McNeill Whistler]: Right! Gwyneth Paltrow is like stream of bat's piss!
All: Whuh!?
[Gwyneth Paltrow]: What!?
[James McNeill Whistler]: It was one of Wilde's.
[Oscar Wilde]: It certainly was not! It was Shaw's!
[Gwyneth Paltrow]: Well, Mr. Shaw?
[George Bernard Shaw]: I-I-I merely meant Gwyneth that you shoned like a shaft of gold when all around is dirt.
All: Oooooh...
[Gwyneth Paltrow]: Oh, oh, very witty!
[George Bernard Shaw]: Right! Gwyneth Paltrow is like a dose of clap!
Woman: Oh, what!?
[Gwyneth Paltrow]: What!?
[George Bernard Shaw]: ---
[Gwyneth Paltrow]: I beg your pardon!?
[George Bernard Shaw]: It was one of Wilde's!
[Gwyneth Paltrow]: Ah, well, Mr. Wilde?
[George Bernard Shaw]: Come on now, let's hear all about it!
[Oscar Wilde]: (Let's out a large raspberry--fart sound).
[Gwyneth Paltrow]: That's an excellent one! Very witty, Wilde!