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25 Funniest/Worst Analogies Ever Written in High School Essays
many | 12-26-2006 | RW

Posted on 12/26/2006 1:18:43 PM PST by RunningWolf

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: analogies; funniest; highschool; kayak; vanity
I found this collection has many www sources, no author and apparently comes out of larger collections of humor.

Have fun

Wolf

1 posted on 12/26/2006 1:18:45 PM PST by RunningWolf
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To: RunningWolf

"10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup."

should be #1 IMHO


2 posted on 12/26/2006 1:20:35 PM PST by scottdeus12 (Jesus is real, whether you believe in Him or not.)
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To: RunningWolf
like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

Good times

3 posted on 12/26/2006 1:21:00 PM PST by Domandred
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To: RunningWolf
Here are 2 links

25 funniestanalogies collected by high school-english teachers/

the 25 worst analogies ever written in a high school essay
4 posted on 12/26/2006 1:21:39 PM PST by RunningWolf (2-1 Cav 1975)
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To: RunningWolf

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.



Grace is the first thing that comes to mind when I see a dog whiz...


5 posted on 12/26/2006 1:22:33 PM PST by TASMANIANRED (All I want for Christmas is a new tag line.)
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To: Domandred

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze

LMAO!


6 posted on 12/26/2006 1:22:41 PM PST by RunningWolf (2-1 Cav 1975)
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To: RunningWolf
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

LOL! My favorite. But please, someone track down the author and arrest his/her father.

7 posted on 12/26/2006 1:23:30 PM PST by theDentist (Qwerty ergo typo : I type, therefore I misspelll.)
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To: rlmorel

a humor Ping.


8 posted on 12/26/2006 1:24:27 PM PST by theDentist (Qwerty ergo typo : I type, therefore I misspelll.)
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To: TASMANIANRED

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.


I am in tears!!


9 posted on 12/26/2006 1:24:49 PM PST by RunningWolf (2-1 Cav 1975)
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To: RunningWolf

Thanks for a couple of smiles.


10 posted on 12/26/2006 1:25:01 PM PST by GSlob
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To: RunningWolf
25 Funniest/Worst Analogies Ever Written in High School Essays

Aren't these similes?
11 posted on 12/26/2006 1:25:07 PM PST by aruanan
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To: RunningWolf
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

Sounds like my brother-in-law.........

12 posted on 12/26/2006 1:25:24 PM PST by Red Badger (New! HeadOn Hemorrhoid Medication for Liberals!.........Apply directly to forehead.........)
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To: scottdeus12

That one was my favorite as well......lol


13 posted on 12/26/2006 1:26:59 PM PST by Husker24
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To: RunningWolf

A day without orange juice is like a day without sunshine, which is like night.


14 posted on 12/26/2006 1:27:34 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (Simile and the world similes with you. . . .)
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To: RunningWolf
These analogies are as weird as these.
15 posted on 12/26/2006 1:28:36 PM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: GSlob; RunningWolf
Thanks for a couple of smiles.

Thanks for a couple of similes.

16 posted on 12/26/2006 1:28:38 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (Simile and the world similes with you. . . .)
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To: aruanan

I never metaphor I didn't "like."


17 posted on 12/26/2006 1:29:17 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (Simile and the world similes with you. . . .)
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To: martin_fierro

Those are good too!


18 posted on 12/26/2006 1:31:43 PM PST by RunningWolf (2-1 Cav 1975)
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To: Charles Henrickson

"Simile" for me!


19 posted on 12/26/2006 1:39:41 PM PST by GOPPachyderm
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To: RunningWolf

Some of those are pretty good actually.


20 posted on 12/26/2006 1:59:37 PM PST by BenLurkin ("The entire remedy is with the people." - W. H. Harrison)
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To: RunningWolf
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

I've meet this person.

21 posted on 12/26/2006 2:00:23 PM PST by CzarNicky (The problem with bad ideas is that they seemed like good ideas at the time.)
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To: scottdeus12

"14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. "

This is the best one...


22 posted on 12/26/2006 2:01:56 PM PST by dakine
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To: BenLurkin
I agree they are as stand alones. Perhaps they gave the wrong effect to the context of the essay they were in ;)


His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23 posted on 12/26/2006 2:14:42 PM PST by RunningWolf (2-1 Cav 1975)
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To: RunningWolf; theDentist

NOW THAT WAS FUNNY!

Hehehe...I LOVE three in particular:


1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

LOL...that was great, thank you...:)



24 posted on 12/26/2006 2:30:53 PM PST by rlmorel (Islamofacism: It is all fun and games until someone puts an eye out. Or chops off a head.)
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To: RunningWolf

“13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.”

Some of these sound like they were written by Dave Barry.

And come to think of it, “Maggots Frying in Hot Grease” would be a bitch’n name for a rock band.


25 posted on 12/26/2006 2:44:13 PM PST by Caramelgal (Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.)
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To: windcliff

ping


26 posted on 12/26/2006 2:49:50 PM PST by stylecouncilor
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To: RunningWolf

“Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

This one is actually pretty good. At least as good as some of the writing on Sex in the City was.

And I think I dated this guy.


27 posted on 12/26/2006 2:50:34 PM PST by Caramelgal (Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.)
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To: rlmorel
Yes like these too!

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

ALMO!!
28 posted on 12/26/2006 3:24:32 PM PST by RunningWolf (2-1 Cav 1975)
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To: Caramelgal

'Second Tall Man' Now that you mention it, it is!


29 posted on 12/26/2006 3:26:15 PM PST by RunningWolf (2-1 Cav 1975)
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To: Caramelgal
We'll call it 'maggots leaping'.

Now for the first album cover
30 posted on 12/26/2006 3:28:17 PM PST by RunningWolf (2-1 Cav 1975)
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To: RunningWolf
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

Loved this one.

31 posted on 12/26/2006 5:11:56 PM PST by lesser_satan (EKTHELTHIOR!!!)
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bump!


32 posted on 12/26/2006 5:13:59 PM PST by zook (America going insane - "Do you read Sutter Caine?)
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To: ShadowDancer

HA!


33 posted on 12/26/2006 7:27:15 PM PST by NoCurrentFreeperByThatName (You lie, cheat and steal.)
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To: Caramelgal
“13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.”

That one caused me to wonder how the author knew what maggots fried in hot grease looked like? Experience, perhaps?

34 posted on 12/26/2006 8:18:50 PM PST by metmom (Welfare was never meant to be a career choice.)
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To: P-Marlowe; xzins; Corin Stormhands; blue-duncan; Forest Keeper

Humor ping!


35 posted on 12/26/2006 8:30:55 PM PST by Buggman (http://brit-chadasha.blogspot.com)
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To: lesser_satan
I liked it too, well he is right you know.

Its not like we ever hear of shots imaged as drifting about on the breeze as dragonfly's might, buzzing and flitting from lily pad to lily pad.

Oh wait worn wrong analogy there ;)
36 posted on 12/26/2006 9:24:37 PM PST by RunningWolf (2-1 Cav 1975)
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To: CzarNicky
I've meet this person.

Are certain you aren't this person? ;^)>

37 posted on 12/26/2006 10:42:47 PM PST by Swordmaker (Remember, the proper pronunciation of IE is "AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEE!)
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To: RunningWolf
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

This thread is entirely too deep until I get my caffeine levels up. hehehe

38 posted on 12/27/2006 5:26:32 AM PST by PistolPaknMama (Al-Queda can recruit on college campuses but the US military can't! --FReeper airborne)
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To: RunningWolf

bttt


39 posted on 12/27/2006 5:29:33 AM PST by Rightly Biased (Courage is not the lack of fear it is acting in spite of it<><)
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To: Buggman

Thanks for the ping, Buggman. Pretty good stuff. :)


40 posted on 12/30/2006 4:59:25 PM PST by Forest Keeper
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To: RunningWolf

This could be the script for another "Naked Gun" movie.


41 posted on 12/30/2006 5:10:38 PM PST by Sapper26 (All men should marry, you can't blame everything on the government - Jed Clampett.)
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