Skip to comments."You might be a redneck if........"
Posted on 01/22/2007 1:01:06 PM PST by SandRat
"You might be a redneck if........"
1. Your Southern Babtist Church house has an ash tray on the right side of the front steps and a spittoon on the left.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a flyswatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
And last, but not least...
31. Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth, so you take them out to see what it is.
....you can't spell Baptist.
Are we violating fair use by not citing Mr. Foxworthy and providing a source link?
If you walk your kids to school everyday because you are in the same grade.
If you go to Family Reunions to look for a date.
Hey, its phonetically correct. For sure.
Didn't gittit from Jeff-Bo.
you might be a redneck if you can't spell Baptist.
You might be a redneck if you spend a lot of time outdoors on sunny days and use a sunscreen that has an SPF factor of less than 10.
If your mother wears flip-flops to a PTA meeting.
Then the web page I gottit from kaint knee-th-her.
I needed a laugh.. those were funny. :o)
Number 6 has actually happened to me!
# . . . you use your lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer. # . . . you say "these are not the beers you are looking for." # . . . that "disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans. # . . . the inside of your house looks more like Dagobah than the outside. # . . . you call your young apprentice, "Juner.(JR.)" # . . . you have ever used telekinesis to pull your jeans up. # . . . the Force isn't the only thing that runs in your family. # . . . you call Hank Williams Jr. "master". # . . . your landspeeder has a gun rack. # . . . you meditate to old CCR records. # . . . you call Yoda your Li'l green buddy. # . . . you have ever said, "Anger...Fear...Aggression...Yankees...the dark side are they." # . . . your X-Wing has a still in it. # . . . your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base. # . . . there is more oil in your robes than in your astromech droid. # . . . your robes have the Golden Flour label on them. # . . . you trim your beard and find a Mylock. # . . . you have ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill. # . . . you use Jawas for a drink holders. # . . . you fight with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other. # . . . you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck. # . . . you use your Jedi healing powers to clear up your V.D. # . . . you think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth. # . . . you ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit. # . . . your Jedi robe is camouflage colored. # . . . at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored. # . . . you can easily describe the taste of an Ewok. # . . . you can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks. # . . . you think Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets. # . . . you have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing / bowling. # . . . your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot." # . . . you have ever had your R2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light. # . . . you jump-start your lightsaber off a car battery. # . . . you beat the Gammorean Guard in an "ugly" contest. # . . . your father's name is Garth Vader. # . . . you got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids. # . . . you have ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin' at your sister. # . . . you constantly mistake R2 units for beer kegs. # . . . you count B.O. as a Jedi power. # . . . you have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.
LOL Thanks for the warning. (I was drinking coffee when I read what you posted..and needed clean off my PC. )
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