Inevitably they are going to come out with talking urinal cakes that sound like Richard Simmons.
I just had a very bad visual and I'm trying to get it out of my head. Aaarrghh.
Maybe what they will need is customized messages that take into account individual ....proclivities...when you step up to the ceramic receptacle. Maybe a RFID button on your jeans that says, "I'm not gay, I swear. (Not that there's anything wrong with that". Then, you get a message from Brittany if you are in your 20s, or Nicole Kidman if you are in your 30s, or Heather Locklear if you are in your 40s, or Kate Jackson if you are in your 50s, etc. If you're 147, THEN you get Helen Thomas.
As you belly up, the voice says, "hey baby, show me what you got." Then it pretends to be impressed. Then, as you are doing what you went there to do, the voice can do some coaching: "that's it, right there, ooh yeah", or "slow down, not so hard, we've got all night", or some such.
Then, when it's over, it says "call me", in a pleading voice, as you zip up and scurry out the door.
This may just catch on.