Skip to comments.Secret Service investigates santanic vampire
Posted on 03/13/2007 1:08:40 PM PDT by SubGeniusX
The 2008 presidential bid just got a little more challenging for the races only satanic vampire candidate.
Jonathon The Impaler Sharkey, a 42-year-old New Jersey man who is running under the Vampire, Witches and Pagan Party, is currently being investigated by the Secret Service for potential threats toward President George W. Bush.
According to Sharkey, Secret Service agents visited him and his 19-year-old wife, Spree, in Ohio on Feb. 15. The visit concerned Sharkeys repeated remarks about impaling Bush, an act Sharkey said he would only do if he were elected president.
They never even asked to see my impaling stick, Sharkey said.
Under U.S. law, threatening the president is a felony that carries a five-year prison sentence. On average, the Secret Service develops investigations about nine out of 10 times they receive threatening information, said Secret Service spokesman Darrin Blackford. Such investigations usually involve an interview with the person in question, and sometimes with parents and local officials to determine the severity of the persons threat.
They were telling me, when they were interrogating me, that their job was to protect Bush even after hes out of office, Sharkey said. Im looking at them like, Oh, youre going to defy me when I become president?
While Sharkeys declarations of his desire to impale Bush may not seem totally feasible, the Secret Service is required to investigate potential threats, Blackford said.
Oftentimes we receive criticism as to Why are Secret Service agents investigating this when clearly it was a joke or clearly it was a comment taken out of context? he said. Unfortunately, in our line of work, we cant take that chance.
But Sharkey maintains his statements are legal, emphasizing he will only impale Bush once hes elected president. Sharkey consulted Sheldon Kay, a lawyer and host of a Michigan radio show known as The Rock and Roll Lawyer Show. Sharkey spoke on the radio program in November 2006, when Kay allegedly told Sharkey the wording of his threat to Bush was legal. But not everyone agrees with Kays advice.
You cant threaten the presidents life even if you say it cleverly, said W. Tray White, executive producer and director of the documentary on Sharkeys 2006 run for governor of Minnesota, Impaler.
White said Secret Service agents contacted him and is unsure as to whether or not they view Sharkey as a real threat. White believes he has also been threatened by Sharkey, who is upset he hasnt seen the final version of Impaler. The 30-year-old director said a gathering of vampires and Likenspeople who believe they are werewolvesmet on the Internet and put a curse on him. He believes the Internet meeting was organized by Sharkey.
I actually consider him a friend even though he sort of wants to kill me, White said.
While it is not clear whether Sharkey is a real threat, a 1965 Supreme Court case established a precedent for cases involving potentially bogus claims. In Watts v. U.S., the Supreme Court found that there was no real threat when a young man mentioned wanting to shoot Lyndon B. Johnson if he was drafted into the service.
In order to punish someone for threatening the life of the president under the First Amendment, the government has to be able to prove a true threat, and there must be intent, said Neil Richards, a law professor at Washington University in St. Louis. If you crudely say, Oh I could just kill the president, that is not a true threat, and therefore, it is protected political speech.
Blackford could not comment on what usually happens after the interview portion of a Secret Service investigation but said prosecutable cases are presented to the Assistant U.S. Attorneys office to determine whether or not they will go to court.
[Its possible that] after maybe just one interview or one telephone call we can determine that no this person is not a threat to our protectees, Blackford said, but until we do a little bit of digging we dont know that.
While the Secret Service has the right to investigate any information that might allude to harming protected officials, they cannot search a persons home or seize any items without a warrantwhich would require probable cause that a crime has been or is about to be committed, Richards said.
Under the First Amendment, what it boils down to here is whether or not hes a vampire who wants to impale the president, Richards said. I guess the question is, if hes a vampire, why is he the one staking people? Shouldnt he want to bite the president and feed on him? [This], I suppose, is perhaps further evidence that this is not a true threat.
Rumor is that the IRS is aggressively recruiting him.
But where does he stand on taxes, Iraq, and abortion. Frankly, he ain't as creepy to me as McCain and sounds less evil than the Hildebeast!
Ping, I thought you would get a kick out of this.
Didn't this idiot get arrested last year? Seems like he was arrested for stalking an ex girlfriend or something.
When you're part of Vampire, Witches and Pagan party, you just need to be playing it cleaner than the other hopefuls. Otherwise, you're just staking your naked self in the heart with a sawed-off broomstick.
The IRS ought to also recruit that shark that tried to eat the Palm Beach County prosecutor.
Or maybe not, because the shark stopped after only taking part of his arm.
He's bogus. Check him for casting a shadow, for reflection in a mirror, and then rub him with garlic and duck him in a horsepond. That should successfully conclude the investigation.
You've got to change your evil ways, baby.
You may just have a point......
| This is Karl Rove's plot
to get Bush a sexier
Need a chuckle, Gonz? Here ya go.
Well, sure, that makes sense.
I always wonder what people like this do, in the real world, to earn their living. Do they work an 8-hour shift at some perfectly respectable business, and then go home and play vampire, whittling away at their impailing sticks, or have they found a way to make vampirism pay?
Didn't catch the New Jersey thing. Cripes. He's not even in the Top 100 Most Creepy And Disturbing New Jersey Politicians.
Do I need to go out and buy some garlic? For the love of god! Someone please tell me!!!