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Secret Service investigates santanic vampire
Columbia Chronicle ^ | 3/13/07 | Hunter Clauss & Allison Riggio

Posted on 03/13/2007 1:08:40 PM PDT by SubGeniusX

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okey dokey.....
1 posted on 03/13/2007 1:08:43 PM PDT by SubGeniusX
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To: SubGeniusX

Rumor is that the IRS is aggressively recruiting him.


2 posted on 03/13/2007 1:10:35 PM PDT by AreaMan
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To: SubGeniusX
“They never even asked to see my impaling stick,” Sharkey said.

He'll get his chance in prison. "C'mon over here, Mister Vampire, and show us your impaling stick."
3 posted on 03/13/2007 1:11:03 PM PDT by Question Liberal Authority (Carbon Dioxide is plant food, not pollution.)
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To: SubGeniusX

But where does he stand on taxes, Iraq, and abortion. Frankly, he ain't as creepy to me as McCain and sounds less evil than the Hildebeast!


4 posted on 03/13/2007 1:11:22 PM PDT by pikachu (Support Global Warming by buying your future beach front property in Denver today!)
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To: MadIvan

Ping, I thought you would get a kick out of this.


5 posted on 03/13/2007 1:12:08 PM PDT by mnehring (Virtus Junxit Mors Non Seperabit)
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To: SubGeniusX

Didn't this idiot get arrested last year? Seems like he was arrested for stalking an ex girlfriend or something.


6 posted on 03/13/2007 1:12:10 PM PDT by cripplecreek (Peace without victory is a temporary illusion.)
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To: SubGeniusX
Man! I hate it when candidates with this much potential piss it away on something so stupid.

When you're part of Vampire, Witches and Pagan party, you just need to be playing it cleaner than the other hopefuls. Otherwise, you're just staking your naked self in the heart with a sawed-off broomstick.

7 posted on 03/13/2007 1:12:46 PM PDT by Egon ("If all your friends were named Cliff, would you jump off them??" - Hugh Neutron)
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To: SubGeniusX
Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, a 42-year-old New Jersey man Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
8 posted on 03/13/2007 1:12:54 PM PDT by b4its2late (Liberalism is a hollow log and a mental disorder.)
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To: AreaMan

The IRS ought to also recruit that shark that tried to eat the Palm Beach County prosecutor.

Or maybe not, because the shark stopped after only taking part of his arm.


9 posted on 03/13/2007 1:13:26 PM PDT by silverleaf (Fasten your seat belts- it's going to be a BUMPY ride.)
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To: SubGeniusX

He's bogus. Check him for casting a shadow, for reflection in a mirror, and then rub him with garlic and duck him in a horsepond. That should successfully conclude the investigation.


10 posted on 03/13/2007 1:13:39 PM PDT by GSlob
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To: SubGeniusX; Tijeras_Slim; martin_fierro
Secret Service investigates santanic vampire

You've got to change your evil ways, baby.

11 posted on 03/13/2007 1:13:59 PM PDT by Constitution Day
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To: SubGeniusX
“Under the First Amendment, what it boils down to here is whether or not he’s a vampire who wants to impale the president,” Richards said. “I guess the question is, if he’s a vampire, why is he the one staking people? Shouldn’t he want to bite the president and feed on him? [This], I suppose, is perhaps further evidence that this is not a true threat.”

I hate to say this, but our nation's law professors don't know squat about vampires.

Dude. Vlad. Impaler. Look it up.
12 posted on 03/13/2007 1:14:07 PM PDT by Question Liberal Authority (Carbon Dioxide is plant food, not pollution.)
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To: pikachu
and sounds less evil than the Hildebeast!

You may just have a point......

13 posted on 03/13/2007 1:14:38 PM PDT by b4its2late (Liberalism is a hollow log and a mental disorder.)
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To: SubGeniusX
>Secret Service investigates santanic vampire

This is Karl Rove's plot
to get Bush a sexier
bodyguard detail!

14 posted on 03/13/2007 1:14:42 PM PDT by theFIRMbss
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To: gonzo

Need a chuckle, Gonz? Here ya go.


15 posted on 03/13/2007 1:14:56 PM PDT by Darnright
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To: SubGeniusX
“I actually consider him a friend even though he sort of wants to kill me,” White said.

Well, sure, that makes sense.

16 posted on 03/13/2007 1:15:10 PM PDT by Dog Gone
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To: SubGeniusX

I always wonder what people like this do, in the real world, to earn their living. Do they work an 8-hour shift at some perfectly respectable business, and then go home and play vampire, whittling away at their impailing sticks, or have they found a way to make vampirism pay?


17 posted on 03/13/2007 1:15:39 PM PDT by 3AngelaD (ic.)
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To: b4its2late

Didn't catch the New Jersey thing. Cripes. He's not even in the Top 100 Most Creepy And Disturbing New Jersey Politicians.


18 posted on 03/13/2007 1:16:36 PM PDT by Question Liberal Authority (Carbon Dioxide is plant food, not pollution.)
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To: SubGeniusX

Do I need to go out and buy some garlic? For the love of god! Someone please tell me!!!


19 posted on 03/13/2007 1:17:01 PM PDT by John123 (Dick Morris predicts Hitlery will be the worst president ever... I will now light myself on fire)
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To: pikachu
But where does he stand on taxes, Iraq, and abortion. Frankly, he ain't as creepy to me as McCain and sounds less evil than the Hildebeast!

Well, actually as a side note ....

he normally does run as a Republican ....

so he may very well be the "lesser evil".....
20 posted on 03/13/2007 1:17:22 PM PDT by SubGeniusX ("BLAMMO! Eyes melt, skin explodes, everybody dead!")
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To: 3AngelaD

In general, they are public assistance, usually disability of some kind. Your tax dollars at work.


21 posted on 03/13/2007 1:17:49 PM PDT by frankenMonkey (Are there any men left in Washington, or are they all cowards?)
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To: 3AngelaD

In general, they are on public assistance, usually disability of some kind. Your tax dollars at work.


22 posted on 03/13/2007 1:18:04 PM PDT by frankenMonkey (Are there any men left in Washington, or are they all cowards?)
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To: theFIRMbss

ROFLMAO!!!


Outstanding!!


23 posted on 03/13/2007 1:18:59 PM PDT by SubGeniusX ("BLAMMO! Eyes melt, skin explodes, everybody dead!")
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To: Question Liberal Authority

IIRC, this goofball ran for governor here in Minnesota, too. Oy.


24 posted on 03/13/2007 1:20:20 PM PDT by swatbuznik ((Hunter '08 --apostrophes optional))
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To: b4its2late

He's not crazy-- he's iron-deficient.


25 posted on 03/13/2007 1:20:26 PM PDT by Egon ("If all your friends were named Cliff, would you jump off them??" - Hugh Neutron)
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To: Constitution Day; martin_fierro

"Is that an impaling stake in your pocket, or are you just Vlad to see me?"


26 posted on 03/13/2007 1:20:38 PM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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To: AreaMan

ROFL!!! He'd be perfect!


27 posted on 03/13/2007 1:21:12 PM PDT by Millee (Tagline free since 10/20/06)
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To: Egon
Otherwise, you're just staking your naked self in the heart with a sawed-off broomstick.

Or you get blasted with a proton pack. ;-)


28 posted on 03/13/2007 1:21:17 PM PDT by Pyro7480 ("Jesu, Jesu, Jesu, esto mihi Jesus" -St. Ralph Sherwin's last words at Tyburn)
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To: windcliff

ping


29 posted on 03/13/2007 1:21:44 PM PDT by stylecouncilor
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To: Constitution Day

Oye como va-mpiro? Bueno pa gozar, paganito!


30 posted on 03/13/2007 1:22:01 PM PDT by SirJohnBarleycorn
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To: Egon
When you're part of Vampire, Witches and Pagan party, you just need to be playing it cleaner than the other hopefuls.

EXACTLY! Plus, he risks alienating his Witch / Pagan base with all this Vampire talk.

You know what would be really cool? If the Vampire, Witches and Pagan party is so fractionalized at their convention that their nominee turns out to be... PAT BUCHANAN.
31 posted on 03/13/2007 1:22:56 PM PDT by Question Liberal Authority (Carbon Dioxide is plant food, not pollution.)
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To: Pyro7480

Hmm. I've looked better.

I was ... trying something ... with my hair.


32 posted on 03/13/2007 1:23:35 PM PDT by Egon ("If all your friends were named Cliff, would you jump off them??" - Hugh Neutron)
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To: Maximus of Texas; najida

I do believe I've found my candidate...


33 posted on 03/13/2007 1:26:04 PM PDT by LongElegantLegs (...a urethral syringe used to treat syphilis with mercury.)
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To: swatbuznik
IIRC, this goofball ran for governor here in Minnesota, too.

So, on top of everything else, he's a CARPETBAGGER?

Does the Illinois Republican Party know about this guy? They should ask him to run for Senator.
34 posted on 03/13/2007 1:26:13 PM PDT by Question Liberal Authority (Carbon Dioxide is plant food, not pollution.)
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To: Egon

LOL


35 posted on 03/13/2007 1:26:51 PM PDT by Pyro7480 ("Jesu, Jesu, Jesu, esto mihi Jesus" -St. Ralph Sherwin's last words at Tyburn)
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To: SubGeniusX

His platform does intrigue me, but I've already endorsed Cthulhu.


36 posted on 03/13/2007 1:39:38 PM PDT by Cyclopean Squid (Patron Saint of Mediocrity)
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To: SubGeniusX
“I actually consider him a friend even though he sort of wants to kill me,” White said

classic.

this entire article definitely belongs in the 'you can't make this stuff up' file.

37 posted on 03/13/2007 1:40:36 PM PDT by ZinGirl
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To: theFIRMbss
Not to mention that Sarah Michelle Gellar, politically, is on our side.
38 posted on 03/13/2007 1:50:32 PM PDT by mnehring (Virtus Junxit Mors Non Seperabit)
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To: Constitution Day; martin_fierro

He's probably looking for some Soul Sacrifices with a Black Magic Woman...


39 posted on 03/13/2007 1:55:57 PM PDT by mikrofon (The devil you say?)
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To: mikrofon; Constitution Day; Tijeras_Slim
Can't no vampire harm...


40 posted on 03/13/2007 2:16:37 PM PDT by martin_fierro (Dating myself)
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To: RepoGirl

Impaler ping!


41 posted on 03/13/2007 3:23:15 PM PDT by lesser_satan (EKTHELTHIOR!!!)
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To: lesser_satan
“They never even asked to see my impaling stick,” Sharkey said.

or

“I actually consider him a friend even though he sort of wants to kill me,” White said.

I really can't decide which one is the better line from this article.

Also, they mention Likens, as in lycanthropes. Don't they mean Lichens, as in slow moving moss-like creatures who tend to sit on their Casual Male XXXXL sized a$$e$ playing Grand Theft Auto and House of the Dead on their game boxes?

42 posted on 03/13/2007 3:45:22 PM PDT by RepoGirl ("Tom, I'm getting dead from you, but I'm not getting Un-dead..." -- Frasier Crane)
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To: cripplecreek

I understand three idiot frat boys at Duke University were arrested for rape last year.


43 posted on 03/13/2007 3:49:05 PM PDT by Oztrich Boy (for those in Rio Linda, there's conservapedia)
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To: Question Liberal Authority

Carpetbaggers are moving into NYC apartments waiting for what's her name to get elected, so they can fill her seat, so to speak.


44 posted on 03/13/2007 3:49:24 PM PDT by carolinalivin
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To: LongElegantLegs

LOL!
He sounds,
erm,
different ;)


45 posted on 03/13/2007 5:32:48 PM PDT by najida (One day, a door opens, and you get a chance to start over. But the phone rings......)
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To: najida
"He sounds, erm, different ;)"

True, but Joe Biden thinks he's clean and articulate, unlike those OTHER Satanists...
46 posted on 03/13/2007 5:37:43 PM PDT by decal (Mother Nature and Real Life are conservatives - the Progs have never figured this out.)
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To: Darnright
"...Need a chuckle, Gonz? Here ya go..."

Impaling? Geez, I never even thought of that one. You got a vicious memory, pal. Stay well ............. FRegards

47 posted on 03/13/2007 7:12:47 PM PDT by gonzo (I'm not confused anymore. Now I'm sure we have to completely destroy Islam, and FAST!!)
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To: Constitution Day
santanic

That's the joke I was gonna make... :~)


48 posted on 03/13/2007 7:16:13 PM PDT by HairOfTheDog
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To: swatbuznik
IIRC, this goofball ran for governor here in Minnesota, too. Oy.

You are correct.

49 posted on 03/13/2007 7:22:13 PM PDT by Colonel_Flagg ("We live in the era of over-reaction." - Sir Alex Ferguson)
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To: LongElegantLegs; najida

As long as post #14 holds true, I'll cast my vote his way.


50 posted on 03/14/2007 6:26:18 AM PDT by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, pull my finger.)
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